too desperate for love
OliveOilMom
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Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Age: 60
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,447
Location: About 50 miles past the middle of nowhere
I used to come across as desperate all the time before I ever had a bf, and then I'd come across as desperate about a guy I liked in later years after I had had a bf. I was told that by a lot of friends and it was something I had to work on. Desperate isn't good, so you do want to work on it but for me just "working on myself" didn't do anything about it or give me self confidence. What gave me self confidence was having relationships or when guys liked me. That's what worked for me and what I did was I worked on how I looked, how I came across and how I presented myself to others. Really. You can still BE desperate for some guy to like you but not COME ACROSS as desperate for him to like you.
Talk to your friends about it and ask them to give you specific examples of something you said or did that showed desperation and practice not doing that. Really. It does work. Also, work on how you look so when you go out you look as good as possible and then go somewhere fairly casual like the mall or someplace where there will be guys and just notice who looks at you or talks to you and who doesn't. DO NOT try and pursue a relationship or a date or anything like that, this is just a recon mission, and the rules of engagement are very strict here. You don't want to meet a guy on this outing, you just want to see what gets you noticed and by what guys. Try different looks, acting different ways etc, and go on different days and times. See what kind of looks etc attracts the kind of guy you want and then you go out like that and try to meet somebody.
Seem interested but not too eager. Give him your number when he asks but don't bug him or follow him around or anything like that. Remember that you want him to pursue you and he can't do that if you aren't giving him a way to do it. Also, it's perfectly ok to ask a guy out. Fake the confidence if you have to. I've asked guys out and rarely gotten turned down when I did. If I did get turned down it was because they already had a gf, and that's not exactly rejection per se, it just means that they are taken. They aren't rejecting YOU, they are rejecting ANYONE. See the difference? It's not personal when someone rejects you because he has a gf. Well, it's personal if you are trying to be a man stealer, but doing that is skanky and it's also a whole lot of work and once you get him you can never trust him if he's that easy to steal, trust me on that one.
_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.
The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com
WantToHaveALife
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,018
Location: California, United States
I'm sorry to hear, and at the same time kinda surprised because it seems there are more male late bloomers than female late bloomers
WantToHaveALife
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,018
Location: California, United States
and normally guys are expected to work on themselves first, and do more work on themselves than girls do in order to be attractive, desirable to the opposite sex.
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
WantToHaveALife
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Joined: 16 Sep 2012
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,018
Location: California, United States
So yeah, keep whining, and you'll get a boyfriend in no time.
Sadly the same can't be said for guys
The_Face_of_Boo
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Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
So yeah, keep whining, and you'll get a boyfriend in no time.
Sadly the same can't be said for guys
It's like the old saying goes: "there's guy out there for every gal, but not a gal out there for every guy".
Look, you want some real advice? If you really want to get a boyfriend, forget all that crap. You're a woman, you don't need to be dominant (which is what people actually mean when they tell others they need to be "confident"), or in touch with your true self, or whatever other nonsense dating advice writers tell ugly, low-status guys like me that we need to be because they don't have the gall to come out and tell us the reason we can't find anyone is because we're ugly and low-status.
You want to find a boyfriend? Act nice (yes, I just said that. Niceness is actually an attractive trait in women) and improve your appearance. That's it, that's all you need to do. If you want to tilt the odds in your favor even further, take an active approach and actually ask guys on the out. On the off-chance this doesn't work, or you find yourself having a lot of casual sex and ONSes with no follow-up, then that means you're shooting for guys who are way above your level (a very common mistake amongst women today) and need to lower standards. There, there's nothing more that needs to be said. You want a boyfriend? Do what I described here, if you don't, then don't.
You should really try out some online dating. There are lots of dating websites on the web but you should be aware of scam ones. But some of the reliable ones to, like Kovla. This is a website where my friend has found his love. She is a very lovely Russian girl, I really like her He was desperate too, but he made it. So, good luck you too
xxZeromancerlovexx
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Joined: 24 Jul 2010
Age: 30
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,905
Location: In my imagination
Thanks! I still have and play my old Gameboy games and even got a N64 game that doesn't work and Link's Awakening and Final Fantasy Tactics Advance for my birthday this year.
Back on topic, rejection does hurt.
_________________
“There’s a lesson that we learn
In the pages that we burn
It’s written in the ashes of the fire below”
-Down, The Birthday Massacre
Look, you want some real advice? If you really want to get a boyfriend, forget all that crap. You're a woman, you don't need to be dominant (which is what people actually mean when they tell others they need to be "confident"), or in touch with your true self, or whatever other nonsense dating advice writers tell ugly, low-status guys like me that we need to be because they don't have the gall to come out and tell us the reason we can't find anyone is because we're ugly and low-status.
You want to find a boyfriend? Act nice (yes, I just said that. Niceness is actually an attractive trait in women) and improve your appearance. That's it, that's all you need to do. If you want to tilt the odds in your favor even further, take an active approach and actually ask guys on the out. On the off-chance this doesn't work, or you find yourself having a lot of casual sex and ONSes with no follow-up, then that means you're shooting for guys who are way above your level (a very common mistake amongst women today) and need to lower standards. There, there's nothing more that needs to be said. You want a boyfriend? Do what I described here, if you don't, then don't.
What a horrible response Load of rubbish
The_Face_of_Boo
Veteran
Joined: 16 Jun 2010
Age: 41
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 32,886
Location: Beirut, Lebanon.
Look, you want some real advice? If you really want to get a boyfriend, forget all that crap. You're a woman, you don't need to be dominant (which is what people actually mean when they tell others they need to be "confident"), or in touch with your true self, or whatever other nonsense dating advice writers tell ugly, low-status guys like me that we need to be because they don't have the gall to come out and tell us the reason we can't find anyone is because we're ugly and low-status.
You want to find a boyfriend? Act nice (yes, I just said that. Niceness is actually an attractive trait in women) and improve your appearance. That's it, that's all you need to do. If you want to tilt the odds in your favor even further, take an active approach and actually ask guys on the out. On the off-chance this doesn't work, or you find yourself having a lot of casual sex and ONSes with no follow-up, then that means you're shooting for guys who are way above your level (a very common mistake amongst women today) and need to lower standards. There, there's nothing more that needs to be said. You want a boyfriend? Do what I described here, if you don't, then don't.
What a horrible response Load of rubbish
I actually agree with him; yes, you just need to be nice and look acceptable.
And the proactive approach works like magic for women, look for example at those WP girls who started "seeking a bf" threads got a bf in no time.
Also, go ask the women here, what's weird is that based on their posts I have noticed that a lot of them were the initiators; even a lot of guys who finally got gfs here was because their gfs initiated..
You in particular, is a typical passive girl in the traditional sense , you wait for the guy to initiate conversations, to do the courting , to do the asking out, - everything; and you project onto him your age standard (ie guy must be older; and that's probably a female instinct too).
And of course a guy will run out of topics if he has to start conversation everytime, if the converasation initation is two ways it woud lead to more topics/conversation in exponential rate.
He's so right in this post, try this.
Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 11 Jun 2015, 5:43 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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