What's the point of one night stands?

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goldfish21
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21 May 2015, 6:15 pm

albmsr wrote:

Hello people,

I see that in our society a lot of people are really keen on one night stands. Casual sex with someone you barely met and are unlikely to repeat the sex, or are going to have sex with them like 3 nights at most and them stop seeing them.

As an aspie male, I don't understand what's the appeal of this.

1) For me, sex with someone you are involved with emotionally is at least an order of magnitude better. By just having sex with anonymous people, without emotions, how is this different from hiring a prostitute (putting aside the upfront cost, which, in many cases, the prostitute will be cheaper)?

2) What wouldn't I want to keep seeing someone that brings me (and I bring them) good times and good pleasure? Why for a lot of people "pump and dump" is better?

Can someone shed some light?

I don't mean to bring the discussion to a "puritan" POV, but to really understand the appeal of it, since for me there's none. (Unlike a long term relationship)

Of course sex with someone you're emotionally involved with is likely to be better, but that doesn't mean that emotionless sex is somehow no fun.

I've had my share of one night stands (and probably a few other peoples' shares, too...

) & I'm OK with it, but the thought of paying a prostitute for sex is a major turnoff. I don't equate the two at all.

How is it possible that a prostitute costs less than a condom and some lube?

One night stands can be just sex, no dinner date or any other monetary expense. If you hadn't even considered that as a possibility... well, I'm glad to have expanded your mind ever so slightly. :lol:

Sometimes people have FWB's, other times just ONS's, others have sex in committed relationships only, and some peoples' preferences for these things evolve throughout their lives - and there's no particular order these things fall in, either. Some people are wild in their youth and monogamous mature adults, others hit middle age and have a mid-life crisis where they bang anything they can. Everyone is different. There are no right or wrong answers. Everything people do is right for them in the moment and that's it.

There ya go.. for you there's no appeal, for others there is. It's as simple as that, really.

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Sting
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21 May 2015, 8:53 pm

Nothing at all.

Sweetleaf
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21 May 2015, 10:11 pm

To have sex, I am pretty sure that is essentially the main purpose.

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goldfish21
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22 May 2015, 4:46 am

Sweetleaf wrote:

To have sex, I am pretty sure that is essentially the main purpose.

Nailed it!

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OliveOilMom
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22 May 2015, 5:00 pm

goldfish21 wrote:

Sweetleaf wrote:

To have sex, I am pretty sure that is essentially the main purpose.

Nailed it!

Pun intended? ;-)

Also, sometimes you just want some really good, hard, dirty, sex and you aren't in a relationship. If that is what you are looking for, it's not too difficult to spot somebody else who has those particular capabilities and who is also out looking for a one night stand too. It's possible to have a conversation with the right kind of guy, if you steer it the right way and know what you're looking for, and find exactly what you are after. As long as all you are looking for is to get laid that is, it's not that easy to go out and find a relationship.

Now, it's much, much easier for girls to do this than guys. I don't know a girl out there who couldn't go out and get laid if that was just her goal for the evening. It's much more difficult for guys. Back in the day I have gone out a time or three looking for that, and found exactly what I was looking for within a matter of hours without having to sift through too much BS, and I'm not even all that pretty.

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Einfari
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23 May 2015, 1:19 am

Something to do I guess. I've never actually had one, even though I've considered it in the past. Just too much risk for STDs and stuff for a few minutes of fun.

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23 May 2015, 1:40 am

Fnord wrote:

alex wrote:

Dillogic wrote:

Debase = lower value to some extent. To me, partaking in simple animalistic processes is something a civilized person should be above,

I agree. That's why I've decided to give up eating food, drinking water, and sleeping. You should too! :roll:

Ahh ... but have you given up the elimination of bodily waste, as well? :lol:

If he hasn't yet, he will of necessity give it up rather soon now that he's given up eating and drinking.

rdos
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23 May 2015, 1:55 am

Dillogic wrote:

Debase = lower value to some extent

To me, partaking in simple animalistic processes is something a civilized person should be above, and that certain things should be exclusively shared between partners of a lasting relationship (you can say it increases the emotional pleasure knowing that it's exclusive, and not something easily given out based on simple attraction and primal urges).

To me it is amazing in how many ways people can say "I find sexual intercourse disgusting". Other ways are "I'm asexual", "I'm lesbian", "I don't want a gf/bf", "Body fluids are disgusting" and maybe even "I don't want children". :mrgreen:

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23 May 2015, 2:27 am

rdos wrote:

Jesus Christ you are ignorant.

rdos
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23 May 2015, 3:51 am

starkid wrote:

rdos wrote:

Jesus Christ you are ignorant.

Maybe I am, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Dillogic
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23 May 2015, 11:05 pm

rdos wrote:

Where does it say, "I don't like sex"?

I don't mind it at all, it's just that I need to be emotionally invested beyond the point of, "feels good" and "this boosts my self-esteem" (in addition to thinking it's going to last). If you or anyone else doesn't, well that's cool. I do, though.

rdos
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24 May 2015, 2:10 am

Dillogic wrote:

rdos wrote:

Where does it say, "I don't like sex"?

You cannot say "I don't like sex" in our culture, because people won't believe you or think you are totally ret*d. That's why people say it in less obvious ways.

Dillogic wrote:

I don't mind it at all, it's just that I need to be emotionally invested beyond the point of, "feels good" and "this boosts my self-esteem" (in addition to thinking it's going to last). If you or anyone else doesn't, well that's cool. I do, though.

Never had a one-night stand, and I certainly don't miss it.

starkid
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24 May 2015, 2:21 am

sexual intercourse is not synonymous with sex

disinterest in having a significant other is not synonymous with disliking sexual intercourse. this should be obvious, as this very thread is about people who want sex without further commitment

not wanting to reproduce is not synonymous with disliking sexual intercourse

rdos
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24 May 2015, 2:36 am

You misunderstand the argument, starkid.

starkid wrote:

sexual intercourse is not synonymous with sex

Our culture think it is, and the word "sex" is typically a short form of "sexual intercourse". That's also why the term "asexual" was invented, and science still believe that asexuality is the same thing as "low libido", which it can be, but often isn't. People that self-identify as asexual often do have a sex-drive, but they dislike the typical sexual behavior of the majority, and especially sexual intercourse for fun. However, since science still believe that asexuality is related to lack of attraction and no sex-drive, this connection is invisible.

starkid wrote:

disinterest in having a significant other is not synonymous with disliking sexual intercourse.

Of course, but you have to realize that a huge majority of people expect regular sexual intercourse in a relationship, so if you dislike this, you might end up convincing yourself that you really don't want a relationship instead as you cannot find a suitable partner.

starkid wrote:

not wanting to reproduce is not synonymous with disliking sexual intercourse

Same argument as with relationships. You might end up with this view because you cannot find a partner that don't want regular sexual intercourse. Alternatively, if you have adopted the asexual label, you might be fooled by science's idea that asexuals never, ever, want sex.

starkid
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24 May 2015, 2:51 am

rdos wrote:

You misunderstand the argument, starkid.

starkid wrote:

sexual intercourse is not synonymous with sex

starkid wrote:

disinterest in having a significant other is not synonymous with disliking sexual intercourse.

starkid wrote:

not wanting to reproduce is not synonymous with disliking sexual intercourse

I don't know what argument you are talking about. You made statements about the meaning of certain phrases that appeared to not be a part of any argument (arguments involve premises, and you expressed none) and I responded to them; my responses stand regardless of what argument you were trying to make unless you didn't mean any of what I'm responding to.

What "science" (I assume that you mean scientists) thinks is irrelevant to my point and the apparent point of your statements, as is your idle speculation about people's thought processes and motivations; when you say that certain phrases mean certain things, you are right if they do mean what you say, and you are wrong if they don't mean what you say, and that's all there is to my point.

If you didn't mean what you posted, the problem is you mistating your own ideas, not me misunderstanding. None of the things you've expressed in this post I've quoted here are inferable from what you posted about disliking intercourse.

rdos
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24 May 2015, 9:27 am

I give up. :roll:

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