Is this unethical?

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OK so I got two really pretty girls from OKcupid to agree to go on dates with me (though neither of them have committed to a time and day yet). I know I shouldn't count my chickens until they hatch but I'm really excited to have the chance to be with one of these two beautiful girls.

I texted my gf/exgf about an unrelated matter. I called her by her first name. She replied with "Umm... so you're breaking up with me?" I asked her why should would say that. She said because I called her by her first name instead of babe or baby. She even offered to pay me back for the gifts I bought her.

I thought about it. She was kind of right. Since I'm setting up dates with other girls it wrong to call her baby. I was about to tell her but I couldn't. I still have feelings for her. And I shouldn't count my chickens before they hatch. Maybe I won't hit it of with either of these two girls. Maybe I'll never meet them. In the past, some of the girls who tenuously agreed to date me never got to the point of me setting up a time and day, cancelled at the last minute or even stood me up.

So yes, I was thinking of dumping her but when she asked if I wanted to dump her I lied and told her I wasn't. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Last week I thought she was going to dump me. We got into an argument and she said she was going to dump me. That was why I was asking other girls out because I thought it might already be over.

These two girls are really pretty but what's more important than that is that they're probably more psychologically stable than the girl formally known as gf. She's too crazy, always getting mad at me and arguing with me and threatening to dump me. I want more peace and stability than that in a relationship.

So if I'm thinking of dumping her but not quite sure I want to yet. Did I do the wrong thing by not telling her that I'm thinking about dumping her? Or should I wait 'till the last minute, 'till I'm absolutely certain I want to dump her?

Not cool. Do her a favor and part ways for her sake.

You are probably right. I thought I could make sure I'm truly in an actual relationship before I dump the old one but that's probably unethical even if it sounds like a good strategy.

If it really was only last week when she was fighting with you, you're also moving on way too quickly by starting to date new women immediately after just getting out of a relationship.

And it's clear your girlfriend still does consider you two to be in a relationship.

Break up with her if you are going to and don't lie to her anymore, but choose wisely as your current girlfriend might be right for you and you might regret it later if it doesn't work out with the other two.

Yeah I think it would only be fair to her to go ahead and break up with her. Try to put yourself in her shoes if she thinks everything is ok and then she finds out that you have been dating others it might crush her.

Get rid of her NOW. It's obvious you are just using her as a placeholder and you will just screw up ALL your future relationships because you won't be fully invested in them. This isn't a job search: you NEED to be single to date properly, period.

I don't know if she is crazy, it could be that she is mad at you all the time because you aren't listening to her. However, What I do believe is that you two arent working out because you dont understand eachother. I don't know what is going on anyway, I'm not there. but you're better off just dumping her and casually dating whoever you want until you know for sure what you want.

Don't guys complain a lot about women stringing them along until they have a better option just so that they don't have to be alone?

Break up and date other women if it's not worth repairing or tell them off and work it out if you want to date this one. You're 27 years old. Make up your mind.

She obviously thinks you're dating. Don't cheat on her, dude. Break it off--even though you're risking being alone.

The idea of being attracted to other women or contemplating dating someone else while you're in a committed relationship doesn't offend me, assuming you're not married. If you're married, that's all kinds of wrong. But one should never assume that having a bf/gf is a guarantee of fidelity long-term. What being in a LTR means is that we're trying seeing each other exclusively, getting to know each other on the kind of level that we know what he/she is like when they don't know someone else is watching, etc. Personally, I think of it as taking a friendship to a higher and deeper level. When my wife and I first met in college, she was the annoying little sis I never had, and I was the big brother she never had. The thing that really glued us together was awful experiences in previous relationships. It started out as a fling that was never meant to go anywhere to waking up one day agreeing that, hey, MAYBE this could work. I don't believe anyone should ever get into a serious relationship with someone they couldn't get married to and make babies with.

Notice I said couldn't get married to. I think there are marriageable-quality partners, and several of them, for each one of us. These are people that a marriage could conceivably work. There's not "the one" here. You're not going to get married to every single person you COULD make it work with. You get to know them first. You think hey, MAYBE it could work. And at some point you reach the conclusion that you really don't WANT it to work that much. If you get to the point you don't care that it works out, it's time to leave.

As long as you'd seriously consider going out with someone else, you don't really WANT your current relationship to work out--else other women are completely off the menu, and you're ok with that. Don't imagine I haven't been there, either, because I reached that point after dating my high school sweetheart for 6 years and breaking up with her 6 weeks before our wedding. I ended up with one of her would-be bridesmaids, and it's been the best 15 years of my life.

Point? You don't really care about her. Maybe you don't respect her enough to just break up with her and get this over with so SHE can move on. Fine. Your own time is precious, too. Stop wasting it.

Yes, it's unethical. If you have a girlfriend, you shouldn't be looking for other dates. If you want to stay, get off okcupid. If you don't, then man up and tell her.

It sounds like you are using the job mentality for relationships. People frequently line up another job before they give notice at their first. It's for financial stability. Don't use that same logic for relationships! When you have a girlfriend, do not look for other dates. Period.

Maybe but I don't know. A lot of the time she drives me crazy. She might have borderline personality disorder. Anyway, I'm not that attracted to her. Asian girls are supposed to be cute and skinny like the other two Asian girls who agreed to go out with me. But gf weighs more than a hundred kilos.

I'd be hard pressed to choose between the two new girls. My plan is to wing it and go with which ever one doesn't reject me or which ever one accepts me first.[/quote]Yeah, it would be harmful to her. She's already an emotional wreck and gets upset by the smallest things. Before she kept on saying she was afraid I would leave her for a prettier girl. It's like she knew she was unattractive. When I told her I was trying to get fit she said it was only so I could date a prettier girl. She said when her first boyfriend dumped her, she attempted suicide. I'm not sure if it was an earnest attempt or if she was trying to emotionally manipulate him into coming back.

Normally I wouldn't even consider this sort of thing except that she's in Sydney so it feels like I'm not in a proper relationship. I was kind of mad at her for going to Sydney for a year and expecting me to maintain a long distance relationship with her. We still have arguments over text but in meatspace I'm alone.

She said if I ever broke up with her, she'd pay me back for the gifts I bought her (even though she has less money than I do). I would like some more money for the computer I'm planning to build but she's living on welfare payments so I shouldn't use her as a bank.We're not married. It's hard for me to see this as a serious relationship because at the moment she's living in a different state. She keeps on pushing back the date of her return. It's like she's stringing me along (though I won't complain about that because I'm also stringing her along). I was kind of annoyed at her that she would leave the state, she told me the morning before she got on the plane even she had been planning it for weeks. She said she was too shy to tell me (though I shouldn't complain because that's the same thing I'm planning to do to her. Maybe the golden rule applies here. Don't do stuff to people you wouldn't want them to do unto you. Even if already did it to me that doesn't justify me doing it to her.I don't think of it that way because I've never had any luck with romantic interactions with friends. It's like for it to work with me, we have to be dating from the get go or else it's too weird to be dating my formally platonic friend.For me it's less serious since she jetted to Sydney but for her? She still says stuff like she's saving up for our wedding. She wanted to marry me about 24 hours after we'd met. That doesn't seem like something a levelheaded girl would say. As for babies, one of these two girls has on her profile that she doesn't want kids. For me that's a huge plus because for me the idea of parenthood is terrifying. Parenthood is orders of magnitude more responsibility that I'm able to deal with. I really don't want some kid to be screwed up because I didn't know how to parent. It feels like with parenthood the most responsible move I can make is to avoid responsibilities I know I'm unable to deal with.Yes, I agree.Good point.Another good point.I think you are right. If I spend my life with my first gf, I will feel like I settled for someone I'm not attracted to.Wait. What? I thought you married the girl from college, not your brides maid Yes it is and so is hers. After I got into a dispute with my supervisor about what constitutes hours worked (in which I said I'll only go to a meeting in my lunch hour if I get paid for that hour and then he said it wasn't real work so I refused to go) that got me thinking that time is precious so it's wrong for me to waste hers or mine.

if you're not attracted to her, you shouldn't continue the relationship

Either leave her or stay with her but don't cheat on her while you're still dating.

I'm not sure if we're really dating. I haven't even seen her in months. If she was in Adelaide and I was seeing her regularly I woudln't even consider this. I guess if our only contact is through texting it feels unreal. But it's still real.You're right. Even if I don't get another girlfriend I might be better off single. She's not attractive. Even one of my friends said so. Being seen with her might be even more humiliating than being single.

It sounds like she's the one who's confused. If you haven't seen each other in months, I don't see how that would be considered dating.