Is this unethical?

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It will only help with your confidence, if the relationship is good. For me, I slipped further behind, got more down on myself.. I felt like I couldn't do anything right, and shouldn't even bother. I was questioning my own words and actions more than I had before my first relationship. One thing that people like us have to look out for, that I never considered, is that there are others who actually want relationships with us, because they feel that they can boss us around and treat us bad, and we won't leave, because they see us as that desperate. Which was actually the standard for my first relationship. And sadly, she was right. I wasn't going anywhere. I was in my late 20's and believed this was my one chance. I also thought that if I just tried harder, I could make her happy, and she'd love me, too. I know now that I didn't love her. But I didn't know that, at the time. Yes, I am aware how pathetic I sound. But, I did it to myself, so I don't really have anyone to blame but me.

Virtual chat would be things like Second Life or IMVU. There's others out there, but those are the two big ones that I know of. Just dress your avatar up nice, or get someone to help you dress it up, if you don't feel confident to do it yourself. The idea is to be attracted to the ladies. The male to female ratio is so unbalanced, you should have women wanting to talk to you almost immediately. I do caution to take your time and get to know them. Do not assume that because someone is in a female avatar, that they are female in real life. Just like anywhere else online, you have people who have fake pics, or claim they are single when they are married.. That sort of thing. So yes.. Just take it slow and keep your options open, until you really know you have a strong connection with someone.

Based on your recent posts, I think that you have a lot to learn about how to develop a meaningful relationship.

JakJak going on second life or IMVU sounds like an excellent idea for me (when I have the time, I know people say there's always time for dating but I'm doing a double paced TAFE class and a 3/4 full time job. My rest time is literally for resting. I'm not a quick study and the only remedy is to study longer).

If I could ask more questions about it, is it voice chat or text chat? Is there a way to narrow the search down to girls from Adelaide, not the other side of the world?

On Second Life, you can do voice chat or type. IMVU is typing only. On IMVU, there is a way to narrow down your search, there is even a match-up feature, where you can view profiles and check "like" or "dislike", then when two people "like" each other, it lets you know you have a match.

I don't know if Second Life has anything like that or not. Those are the only two sites I have really ever used, but I know there are more out there.

With SL, it's kinda understood that your avatar has its own existence apart from meatspace. Even I had a couple of minor flings that my RL wife knew about…heck, she even watched it all go down over my shoulder.

SL does encourage "partnering" and some people even have partnering ceremonies/weddings. As far as lies/dislikes and letting you that you have them, I never saw anything like that.

Something I was unprepared for was how many sick people are on SL. Be careful who you hook up with…she might be dead within a year.

I got zero my first time too. I had about 10-12 the second time and 2 the third (and final) time before I struck gold.


Agreed. Let me state the site itself sucks and they have atrocious, underhanded tactics. I only speak from my positive experience in spite of all this.


Most (80% probably) but I could tell they were not even trying.


You could sub in "Brad Pitt" and still get the same answer. Again, most of the issues these women have are NOTHING to do with you, me or the guy next door. I dated a "dream" girl and beat myself up for blowing it only to find out later her ex-boyfriend had the exact same problem I did.


If this was the adult section I could give you a few pointers to easily overcome that. Bottom line: most "normal", heterosexual women (and all the ones I dated) want men who are respectful, speak positively about them but are not afraid to be assertive and dominant. Again I don't want to get into specifics because I don't want any naive Aspies getting into legal trouble.


The right one will not care at all.


Talk to them, spend time around them. Maybe join a beginner's running club since they are female-dominated yet fully open and accepting to men. Again, women respect a man who is bold.


Clingy was the wrong word and I wrote this when I was tired so I did not elaborate. I'm not a psychologist but the classic sign of BPD is, in plain english, a person who will push someone away when they get close and pull them in when they are pulling away. This is NOT normal or healthy behaviour and is very dangerous to your mental health!


When you make a date, TELL her when you are meeting up and then ask if that works rather than being obsequious and begging them. Invade her personal space after an hour and see if she draws back. Gently go in for a kiss and then get more forceful if there is no resistance. If there is just casually pull back. I've been shot down and one thing I learned was that those women still respected me for trying even if they were not ready.


If I was a woman (and I am obviously not) I am going to be VERY leery of a man who says something like this. In spite of modern equality, women still have those primal instincts and one is to bond with someone who is able to provide into the future. I would work on fixing that attitude first and foremost. Do you have a public dating profile that I could look at or could you post an excerpt? PM me if you don't want to make it publicly visible.

So to summarize, learn to be assertive, join female dominated activities (NOT to find dates) and I can't stress enough to dress in a clean and professional manner. When I wear a suit, I literally get stared at like a bikini model because it's so rare to see a man who dresses to impress.

In that time I only had one from eHarmony who talked to me. The only female subscriber I ever encountered.Right. Gk2Gk requires subscription as well but for a small extra fee you get a premium membership which entitles you to two way chats with nonsubscribers. No need to renew your subscription. You get a lifetime premium membership for a mere $200 (so long as they happen to be having a 60% off sale at the time).Brad Pitt is 51 years old but I get what you're saying.Wow, I never knew girls were so conflicted. It sounds as though they have nearly as many issues as I do.Legal trouble? Fair enough.

But it is right for me to expect a girl to be so perfect when I myself am so flawed?Oh gods

I can certainly see your point but while I had enough money to live on comfortably while unemployed my new found motive has made me far more money than I otherwise would have. I used to think that having a job or studying were bad enough on their own. In the past I would have found the notion of doing both at once to be absurd in the highest degree. Now I'm able to achieve that, energized by an intricate combination of narcissism, self-loathing and Diet Pepsi.

I have more money than I did and I may have more money than that in the future. For me, it's not about the money. It's more about the boasting rights (I still like spending the money though). But if I should make enough money to support a family in comfort then what does it matter what my career motivation was?Sure thing;

I await your critique.Good ideas.What?I have no problems in that departmentHuh? Why doesn't that happen to me when I wear one of my suits?

Or maybe it does and I just don't pay attention. Sometimes young women stare at me on the train. I stare back and they get creeped out. I should think of a better response but it's hard to talk to them when they're five meters away and wearing headphones.

That's actually a pretty decent profile. The only thing I would mention is that it seems a bit on the boring/lame cliche side but it's much better than most. The introduction really doesn't do anything to draw anyone in and if I were female, I would be very reluctant to contact you. I would suggest taking out the "really busy" line as that's annoying and sends the wrong message that women have to work around your schedule and not the other way around: it will come up naturally on dates. Finally, you should really change that picture as you have a smirk that can be a turnoff to anyone. Try to get your body and arms in the picture as well in an open and inviting stance and tilt your head slightly. Finally, take out your income (comes across as boasting) and cut out the "atheism and somewhat serious" part. Again, my girlfriend is Catholic but what does that matter? If I knew that I might have been reluctant to go out with her on that first date!

I would also suggest getting rid of the "message if you're a geek girl" as that is another overused line. It also limits your pool: who cares if she is a geek? My girl doesn't like hockey but who cares? I don't! Overall your profile is not bad but it just doesn't "welcome" anyone to you.

As for my line about not to find dates, it's because you don't respect women for who they are just what they can do for you. It is important you need to learn their world and motivations first before diving into a relationship.

Yes, there are a LOT of messed up women on those sites. That's why you need to lose the attitude you have about "perfect" women. Newsflash: they are not. You will learn those lessons in time though....

For example, in my experience many women LOVE being dominated (by someone they trust and respect) but that does not mean you smack them on the butt on the first date!

Yeah, I know it's dull and humourless At some point I may put some jokes in it since I always enjoy reading jokes in girl's profiles. A lot of those funny-girls use self-depreciating humour but that's something I want to avoid so I won't use them for inspiration.

Actually it's lower than the average wage in his country so it could go either way. But I agree, leave it out.

Hmmm. I've been getting more attention since I got that new job but maybe I should take it out anyway if it's not high enough.I'll take that out, although, I am really busy and they kind of do have to work around my schedule. A lot of the girls on there are also really busy with schedules.A smirk? I'm not so great with expressions so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to smile a bit but not smile so much that I look crazy.I could. The reason I cropped that picture was so my face would be big enough to see in thumbnails.I thought I did Maybe. I put that in because it asked me and also so I wouldn't end up with any girls unwilling to date atheists (they exist). Sure I would have no problem dating a Christian or a Buddhist but if they had different beliefs then me it would be necessary for them to be tolerant of me having different beliefs then them.I didn't specify she has to be a geek. She could either be a geek or one who likes geeks. I guess it may be off-putting. According to Yahoo Answers some girls girls love geeks and their geekiness and it is truly representative of who I am.

A year or two ago I had much more broad criteria in my profile and someone told me I should make it more specific because it seems kind of desperate if I'm not willing to exclude some percentage of the female population. In other words I can't say "I am seeking a girl of any sort" or "I am seeking anyone with two X chromosomes" (unless I said it sarcastically).

Also it seems kind of dishonest if I turn myself into a Zelig. In some ways I would rather get dates with ten girls who I'd like and who would like me than a hundred girls chosen at random.

If girls see my seeking criteria are too broad they may interpret it as desperation and if I don't state any traits about myself in order to be more like anyone it could make me seem formless and bland and some similar girl who would otherwise take notice of me might instead pass me by.Their world? What is their world like? It sounds complicated. Would it be better to learn about their world from within a relationship?Uh, I wasn't planning to smack them on the butt on the first date. Though that dominating thing does sound appealing. It would be fun to have someone to boss around.

I guess my conversion rates were off. Either way my advice still stands: NOBODY I dated mentioned their income, period. They all mentioned working full time and left it at that.

Everyone is busy but if you find the right one you WILL find the time. I am spending 6 days a week with my lady even with my busy schedule!
The best thing to do is find someone to take your picture when you are doing something you genuinely love doing. I would help but I am on the other side of the world!


Not nearly enough. Look at this video for an quick explanation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYZUEY4IvSg Another place that can really help (and I was a past member) is Toastmasters: I highly recommend visiting a local chapter.

Ugh. I did not just read that sentence. Yahoo Answers? Really?



Then find you true dealbreakers (in my case smoking, visible tattoos, not interested in children) and mention those but in a positive way. For example, my GF mentioned she wants someone interested in Marriage and Family rather than saying "if you don't want kids I am not interested." See the difference?

Not really. There isn't a major difference but you will naturally understand that with experience. One thing is that most women are incredibly self-conscious about their physical appearance and get jealous easily so you need to keep your mouth shut at times. Took me a long time to understand this because I would love to have a female body personally I already offered a number of suggestions for you to try.

Of course not but there are no doubt others following this thread. It's NOT about bossing anyone around it's about leading them and there is a H-U-G-E difference. Having got that out of the way it is a lot of fun being able to be "the man": I won't go into details but I would be in a lot of legal trouble if I did what I do to a random stranger.

But all the people you dated were girls. Girls know guys don't care about how rich girls are.Why does everyone hate that site?Hmm. You have different tastes to me in some ways. For me, interested in kids is very nearly a dealbreaker.

I'm really not sure how to day "likes marriage and dislikes kids" without sounding negative.I think I get that. I'm incredibly conscious about their psychical appearance as well.Oddly enough there were times when exgf said she wanted to live in a male body. She said it was really hard being a woman.

I would say at long as you have a full time job that's what counts. It's none of their business anyway how much you make!
It's not exactly the best place for accurate information!


Not quite. I dated a girl who was quite attractive. She could not even look at herself in the mirror and always shot down my compliments. Even my current GF won't even look at her own birthday suit in the mirror and she is downright gorgeous and youthful looking. Online dating would give you the opposite conclusion.

I suppose it would be neat to swap for a month to see what it is like. She really appreciated when I told her I am not scared of her 'time of the month' and respect it must be tough.

You still have lots to learn (and its painful to see you learn those lessons the hard way) but are doing better than I did at your age as a kissless, dateless virgin. The biggest thing to take away is that girls don't want another gal pal and they are generally massively insecure: provide emotional security to them, lead them and they will fall for you.

Generally if you have to ask if something's unethical, you probably know already that it is.

The whole thing about attractiveness really concerns me. My husband has recently told me that he was never attracted to me. Now he says a lot of hurtful things - so that may or may not be the case - but I'm inclined to believe it and I certainly think he believed it when he said it. That has led to a lot of bewilderment and pain throughout our relationship and a lot of sexlessness. I want to be with someone who IS attracted to me - and yeah, I may not be the most attractive woman in the world, but honestly I'm not bad. Anyway, I think he wanted me because he thought he could get me - and having a girlfriend/wife was more important to him than being a good boyfriend/husband or having a mutually supportive relationship.