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BeyondInfinity
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12 Apr 2007, 6:10 pm

Anybody here ever find that they were completely taken advantage of by someone posing as a friend? I have just finaly realized that people I thought were my friends were really just manipulative a-holes who really didn't care for me, they were just using me to their advantage. I find that because of my AS I can be easy to take advantage of and not notice for the longest time... I feel like I just should never trust anyone again, or never be generous or expect any reciprocity. how can NTs be huge jerks and not even care?


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RTSgamerFTW
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12 Apr 2007, 6:19 pm

Yes,at least a dozen or so...


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Sopho
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12 Apr 2007, 6:20 pm

BeyondInfinity wrote:
Anybody here ever find that they were completely taken advantage of by someone posing as a friend? I have just finaly realized that people I thought were my friends were really just manipulative a-holes who really didn't care for me, they were just using me to their advantage. I find that because of my AS I can be easy to take advantage of and not notice for the longest time... I feel like I just should never trust anyone again, or never be generous or expect any reciprocity. how can NTs be huge jerks and not even care?

I had this in high school but had no idea at the time. I can see it now though.



hyperbolic
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12 Apr 2007, 8:41 pm

I wonder sometimes if I should allow myself to be used so that I can get fringe benefits like more friends and being included in pictures. So if I decide to do that, I guess I should get used to practical jokes and put-downs like there were in middle school. :roll:



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12 Apr 2007, 11:16 pm

BeyondInfinity wrote:
Anybody here ever find that they were completely taken advantage of by someone posing as a friend? I have just finaly realized that people I thought were my friends were really just manipulative a-holes who really didn't care for me, they were just using me to their advantage. I find that because of my AS I can be easy to take advantage of and not notice for the longest time... I feel like I just should never trust anyone again, or never be generous or expect any reciprocity. how can NTs be huge jerks and not even care?


The "nice" crowd is the worst of all about this I've found. They come up and pretend to be nice to you just to make themselves look nice. :x as*holes. There are a few NTs that don't do this but a lot of them do.


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Mushroom
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13 Apr 2007, 8:39 am

Yes, I have met people like that, some of them being mildly manipulative and some others, just too much. I'll cite two examples:

There was this person, whose mom was friends with my mom, who I knew back at primary school who would yell at me (I covered my ears all the time lol) if I tried to talk to her in school and sometimes even insulted me and called me names. But when we were in eachothers' house or our moms were around, she was VERY nice with me and even sometimes hugged me 8O I guess she just did it because she wanted our parents to think we're friends. I told this to my mom and she said I should ignore her when her mom's around... a few days later, she was just as nice with me at school as when we were alone, so that one worked out okay.

There was this other person, who I thought was my best friend; who lied to me, who used what I had said at times to use me to do her work for her, who stole my money and my stuff, who liked to talk and laugh behind my back with others, who teamed up with other people against me and then just said "sorry, it was wrong of me to do that...", who insulted me worse than the aforementioned person, and who liked to write all her homework and exam answers off my paper and then gloat about how she's a genius and smarter than me, and a lot of other stuff... and I wasn't even AWARE of that until a NICE friend of mine told it to me. I just lessened our relationship to acquaintanceship... and when we were beginning to get close again, she started to do everything she used to AGAIN. So I just let her go, and I'm glad I did.



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13 Apr 2007, 8:47 am

BeyondInfinity wrote:
how can NTs be huge jerks and not even care?


I don't know. How can men live with themselves when they use women (who genuinely believe the man cares about them) for sex? Maybe they just don't think about what they're doing to people. They're selfish, and it doesn't occur to them that they're hurting people.



Alvy
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13 Apr 2007, 9:11 am

Someone I lived with tried to defraud me of nearly a grand after having me thrown out of my house.



kt-64
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13 Apr 2007, 1:55 pm

My brother (midly learning disabled, comes from moms side. AS comes from dad's.) had an ass of a friend. Who stole and stuff.



GoatOnFire
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13 Apr 2007, 3:15 pm

Esperanza wrote:
BeyondInfinity wrote:
how can NTs be huge jerks and not even care?


I don't know. How can men live with themselves when they use women (who genuinely believe the man cares about them) for sex? Maybe they just don't think about what they're doing to people. They're selfish, and it doesn't occur to them that they're hurting people.


Women do that to men too. Sometimes for slightly different reasons, but it's still ugly.


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Joshandspot
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13 Apr 2007, 8:58 pm

i agree and am amazed at how friends can but it just proves who are real friends and who aren't. There are sometimes friends who are good on most occasions and manipulative once in awhile just because they know they can....which is what i think it comes down to....doing something because you know you can...which is horrible, BUT to quote Justin timberlake and many before him what goes around comes around....and it really does, dont worry they do get theres in the end....and in the long run they see that you were most likely a rare form of friend who appreciated their friendship and would do alot for them...most friends aren't like that, and i think they do realize that in time



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14 Apr 2007, 7:25 am

I've got a manipulative friend. I've learned to stand up to her over the years.



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14 Apr 2007, 7:32 am

I'm not sure. I don't really think that I have anything that anyone would want from me. I tend to be pretty cynical and callous too.



xeltifon
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14 Apr 2007, 10:56 pm

I've been taken *sooo* many times it's not even funny. It's a nasty cycle: someone's all nice, then they take advantage, then I push away and close down and set myself up for the next creep who happens along to push all the right buttons. I've learned a *lot* of their tricks but there are *always* new variants I haven't encountered.

At the same time I have to deal with *not* pushing away the few people who really *aren'* "out to get me". That's almost a bigger problem. I'll be going along happy as a lark and they'll say or do some little thing to set me off that happens to remind me of some prior scam or something and then I basically cut them off completely.

I try and keep an even keel, as much as possible. Ain't easy, but there you have it. :?



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20 Apr 2007, 5:50 pm

Yes plenty of times.
If people think they're your friend and just want to take advantage of you sexually, emotionally, or psychologically, ignore them.

If people who are manipulative say that you're an a-hole for ignoring them, tell them something similar.



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20 Apr 2007, 10:50 pm

I'm definitely the manipulative one out of my friends. I don't mean sexual stuff or anything. I just mean deciding what to do, where to go, and what to say. I'm also the same way with my mom. I've come to realize that you have to be somwhat sneaky and assertive if you want to get your way in life. And it works!