Over-apologizing

Post Reply New Topic

Does anybody find themselves apologizing about everything that could possibly be conceived as their fault? I'm not quite as bad as I used to be, but from age 8 or so until about 18 or 19 I always found myself responsible for little, unimportant things. I often had people telling me, "Stop saying sorry!! !", and I would struggle not to say "sorry" right back.

That's part of some of us. I have a tendency of doing that. Mainly when I feel I've done wrong by someone who is a decent person.

yes i have done that before but i never really done it to the point of people saying stop apologising
i either over-apologise or under-apologise i never get it right

Yeah, nowadays I no longer feel guilty about stuff unless the person is being courteous and considerate and I'm doing them some sort of disservice. But I still have to make a conscious effort to avoid the "s" word pretty often. I was just wondering, since I don't think I've ever met someone else who does that.

On the other hand, I've never had the problem of under-apologizing. I'm bad about placing the blame on myself, but I can often see from the other person's perspective and recognize how they might think something is my fault, and say sorry. Not sure if that made sense...but i'm not sorry!

I used to apologize all the time and people would ask me "Sorry for what?" and "No need to apologize." So I learned not to say sorry all the time and now I hardly ever say it.

I say sorry a lot, I do not really think it matters, the only way i guess it could matter if it makes people think I say it too often to really mean it. I really mean it every time though.
Apparently it is supposed to make you look weak as well.

I really do mean it, too. Alot of the time when I feel sorry now, I don't say so.

Maybe peoples' response to my 'sorries' is why i've developed the need to feel fearless and indestructible... like, "even though I'm overly polite and a bit of a wuss, I could kick your ass and beat you at whatever sport"... what a terrible personality trait of mine. I think thoroughly about consequences but try to act like I dont around people. People usually change their attitude toward me when they see that recklessness, too.

Or maybe I really am fearless and indestructible either way, I definitely don't look like it physically.

Good or bad, it's nice to think/learn about yourself in ways like this...thanks everyone on wp!

I apologise a lot too. I think it is at least partly a self-esteem thing with me - I'm so used to getting things wrong and being misunderstood or considered rude when I would am actually a good person, that I just assume now that I'm wrong pretty much all the time, so that is why I feel the need to apologise.

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm apologising for what I'm supposed to have done wrong, or whether I'm apologising for existing and inconveniencing the non-aspies with my defective existence. (btw I'm not saying aspies are defective - because we certainly are not! I just mean that I think that about myself when I have low self-esteem.)

btw Grim, I live in the Brighton area too!

I used to apologise constantly and also analyse anything that went wrong to see if any part of it was my fault so I could apologise.
It does make you vulnerable to do this among NTs and they will take the advantage to blame you for mistakes.
Now if I know I messed up I say sorry and then fret about the mistake for a few weeks privately. I think if anything goes wrong that is my fault but I don`t realise then if no-one tells me it is not my fault that I don`t say sorry.

I over apologize sometimes, when I think that I could have done better.

I'm sorry if I have irritated others. I really do feel bad if I have offended people. I'm sorry. What can I do to make things right?
I apologize for any obscure or inappropriate posts. Please forgive me. I'm sorry.

Yeah, I do this more than I would like to.

I feel so at home here reading stuff like this... can't believe that, after all, I'm not the only one in the world like me

This is how I thought long before I knew what an aspie was... (edit-this is EXACTLY how i thought) but in the last few years I've found that you don't owe s**t to anybody, and you have every right to exist... just because you can't communicate the same doesn't mean you're any less of a person, or have any less rights to make mistakes. Plus, just imagine all the stuff that so many NT's think that are just wrong and evil and dishonest...being so honest my entire life has let me realize that I'm not such a bad person after all just for being weird around people.

sorry for my rant, my midnight shift has me all screwed up and I never went to sleep tonight (my 'day' off of work), and I found tons and tons of pearl jam videos on youtube that just have me pumped! After I found them I had to go get a six pack to watch them.

if you were lucky enough to be obsessed with pearl jam's 'ten' then WATCH THIS!! !

Also, this is an amazing one for the nirvana fans.

Yeah, I find I do this, too. My mother once told me that whenever I do something wrong, I'm always very eager to set it right again, and I think that's very accurate. I feel horrible if I can't fix things right away, and I end up worrying about it incessantly.

Oh yeah. It got to the point where people would get irritated that I kept apologizing for everything.

Nowadays, I ask people if they're angry with me instead of apologizing to them, which is just as annoying.

That's how I am to. I'll ask "What the h@ll's our problem?' or 'Why the h@ll are you p#ssed at me?"