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crocus
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28 Apr 2010, 11:18 am

katzefrau wrote:
How many aspies does it take to change ...

... i wonder what the origin of the light bulb joke is? (opens new browser window and does google search: "light bulb joke history" .. opens relevant web page and reads history ... opens fifteen more relevant pages in new tabs until certain the basic information contained in first page is accurate .. creates bookmark folder entitled "light bulb jokes" inside "games" folder on bookmark toolbar ... changes mind, moves folder into "obscure" folder in "reference" folder of bookmark toolbar ... spends three hours finding lists of light bulb jokes, cutting and pasting into word document ... spends ten minutes editing grammar and spelling in said jokes ... spends forty-five minutes organizing jokes by category ... changes all jokes in document to same font ... returns to thread and reloads page ... re-reads previous posts ... )

what was the question?


:lol: my twin! Do you also have a favourite font? I have to change everything to verdana.



ruveyn
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28 Apr 2010, 11:47 am

Valoyossa wrote:
Me too :lol:
People often ask the questions like What are you listening? or How it goes? (it means How do you do? ).
I know what does it mean, but some years ago I didn't and now I like to have some fun, so I reply Last album of Depeche Mode! or Nowhere, I stay at home.

People say that Autism is discrimination because of car.

.


I don't get it. Could you explain please?

ruveyn



Terpsikhore
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28 Apr 2010, 12:06 pm

ruveyn wrote:
Valoyossa wrote:
Me too :lol:
People often ask the questions like What are you listening? or How it goes? (it means How do you do? ).
I know what does it mean, but some years ago I didn't and now I like to have some fun, so I reply Last album of Depeche Mode! or Nowhere, I stay at home.

People say that Autism is discrimination because of car.

.


I don't get it. Could you explain please?

ruveyn


I believe the joke is as follows:

Racism = Race-ism = discrimination because of race
Agism = Age-ism = discrimination because of age
Autism = Auto-ism = discrimination because of one's choice of motor vehicle.

Of course, I could have got it hopelessly wrong and be giggling at something that wasn't actually the joke. Either way, it made me smile!



Owl
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28 Apr 2010, 12:13 pm

"People say that Autism is discrimination because of car"

It's my favorite joke so far. It's gonna be my facebook status :D



katzefrau
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28 Apr 2010, 6:54 pm

crocus wrote:
katzefrau wrote:
How many aspies does it take to change ...

... i wonder what the origin of the light bulb joke is? (opens new browser window and does google search: "light bulb joke history" .. opens relevant web page and reads history ... opens fifteen more relevant pages in new tabs until certain the basic information contained in first page is accurate .. creates bookmark folder entitled "light bulb jokes" inside "games" folder on bookmark toolbar ... changes mind, moves folder into "obscure" folder in "reference" folder of bookmark toolbar ... spends three hours finding lists of light bulb jokes, cutting and pasting into word document ... spends ten minutes editing grammar and spelling in said jokes ... spends forty-five minutes organizing jokes by category ... changes all jokes in document to same font ... returns to thread and reloads page ... re-reads previous posts ... )

what was the question?


:lol: my twin! Do you also have a favourite font? I have to change everything to verdana.


usually i change everything to arial or helvetica because it's easier to read, but i have lots i like: baskerville, cochin, copperplate ... all the fake asian and circus / wild west sort of fonts, the little kid writing, marker, and chalkboard fonts ...

god, i hope i don't spend the next three days now downloading fonts ...


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sillycat
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15 Jun 2010, 2:18 am

-how many Aspies does it take to change a light bulb?

answer: One. ... See More

- While learning to hold a job at a coffee shop. An Aspie asks "How do you like your coffee"?
the customer answers "I like my coffee Crisp". (the chocolate bar commercial ) and chuckles...

The Barrestta spends the whole shift explaining the physical properties of aquatic molecules vs solid molecules dynamics, and how it is impossible to "crisp" coffee.

- Autistic kids!! !! They Rock and Roll! all night, but they don't party every day.

-You know you have Autism when: You don't get enough practice speaking contemporary English, but your excellent control of lexicon scares your teachers they accuse you of cheating. You are seem a shoo in for a xeno linguistics degree in a prestigious university your major is: Classical Klingon, Remulkaian (cone heads), Huttesse, Elven, and Orc etc etc etc . You get a job with the United Nations, (soon to be the United Federation of Planets, the Democratic order of planet (futrama), or the Galactic/Imperial senate. As a translator for the diplomatic emissaries for these ethnic groups; just like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2, you have diplomatic immunity so hammer you can't sue. You absorb their culture, you write poetry in their language or some other literary masterpiece of literariness. Your PERFECT command of their grammatical sophistication, and you're awarded allocates up the Yin-Yan. Go ahead crabby teachers give me an -F.

-You and your cat have a mutual accordance of privacy. That is until the cat smells really bad and needs a bath.

-You save yourself lotsa money by not going to the Saddledome, because whenever the Flames WIN a game. or score a goal =Yikes! (I'm a Flames fan. And their over use of Iginla, I can see the problems of being focused on one. They covered him very well).

-You are worth getting a bunch of RED cards over. You're a great striker, a regular Pele and have great talent, and your heart is the size of a cantaloupe, and your lungs can fill the good year blimp. Oh yea are definatly worth getting a Red card over... Your country just lost the world cup, but there's always next 4 years, and the next and the next and the next until you win the gold medal. You have plenty of silvers however in your attempts. Because they keep on hurting you over and over again. You did it you won, and you're also in the Guinness. You are the poster boy for never giving up.

-Although you have super hearing, super senses, and can't feel pain, Neo just defeated you, (Matrix), because he's an Aspie who knows.... kung fu!

-Either General Wulf kicked your butt, or Bliar the demon did. But not both, but at least you managed to take ONE of them out. yay. General Wulf and Bliar are thinking the same thing too! (Bloodraybe)

-You just played Sid Myer's Gettysburg as the Union... The Confederates have won the war! While you were preoccupied with two units the computer had time to move to little round top and kick your butt.

-You understand the Christian saying "Be of this world but not part of it", and ironically your actions have elevated the human world up.

-You are a rock... you are an Islanddddddd!

-Who can it be now... who can it be now... who can it be now... who can it be now. Who can it be knocking at my door, go away don't bother me right now. -The Police.

-Irony is while you work in an office and don't socialize after work, don't bond during the trips, and generally not known by the bosses, because you're practically invisible. This is good, because they don't notice you using your creative skills to absorb a wide array of data and use your pimped out brain to get somewhere. Your boss likes you, and so does his daughter.

-Zombies chase you down, because they can smell your spicy brain. You get to live the dream of fanboys-girls everywhere.



Ferdinand
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15 Jun 2010, 3:03 am

I heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he’s depressed. Says life is harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world. Doctor says, “Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go see him. That should pick you up.” Man bursts into tears. Says, “But doctor… I am autistic!” Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains.


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League_Girl
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15 Jun 2010, 12:58 pm

Speaking of Ass Burgers. Here is a video some of us were offended by but they were just making fun of the name:


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jkBOU9etRA[/youtube]



Asp-Z
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15 Jun 2010, 1:07 pm

I know the Tories didn't get a majority! They made their slogan Vote for Change! They lost the autistic vote right there! :lol:



AnnePande
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17 Jun 2010, 11:19 am

League_Girl wrote:
Speaking of Ass Burgers. Here is a video some of us were offended by but they were just making fun of the name:


[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6jkBOU9etRA[/youtube]


Or rather, they were making fun of the American pronounciation of the name. :wink:

I love the video, it's hilarious.



Asp-Z
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17 Jun 2010, 12:17 pm

What goes:
Red red red
Blue blue blue
Yellow yellow yellow?

An autistic kids' Lego house.



Joe90
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09 Jul 2010, 5:43 pm

What insects don't have AS?
Moths, because they fly around the light

(That joke was dedicated to my favourite insects, which are moths and butterflies)

There were 3 men, one an Aspie, with a Downs (short for Downs Syndrome) and one Senile (with Alzheimer's). They were standing at the bottom of a slide, and as they slide down the slide they have to say something and whatever they had said they will land in a bucket of it at the bottom. So the Aspie (being the cleverer one) slid down and yelled, 'money!' and landed in a bucket of money. The Downs (being a bit daft, no offense) slid down and yelled, 'paper!' and landed in a bucket of paper. Then the senile man slid down (and having forgotten what he was doing) yelled, 'weeeee!!' and landed in a bucket of wee!

(That one makes me laugh every time I hear it!)

How many Aspies need to change a light bulb?
Two - one to fix it in and the other to make sure the fixer is doing OK with the blindfold over his eyes!

(This doesn't apply to me - since I love light)

I'm an expert on jokes LOL



eagletalon86
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09 Jul 2010, 6:06 pm

What did the autistic say to the other person?

Nothing.

(sorry but I had to get that one out of my system, all in good humor and nothing else)

Ooh, ooh, here's another one....

A teacher asks her students some questions in math.
Jimmy, a normal kid, and Timmy, an autistic kid.

Teacher: "What's 2+2?"
Teacher: "Yes Jimmy?"
Jimmy: "2?"
Teacher: "Correct!"
Teacher: "What's 3+3?"
Timmy raises his hand.
Teacher: "Yes Timmy?"
Timmy does not respond.
Teacher: "Timmy!"
Timmy still does not respond and continues to raise his hand.
Teacher: "Timmy?!?"
Jimmy: "Excuse me teacher, but Timmy's autistic."



Blindspot149
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09 Jul 2010, 11:20 pm

Another Aspie joke thread.

Saves the time finding and bumping one of the old ones :wink:


How many Aspies does it take to screw in a light bulb :?:

A1: Where :?:
A2: How would they fit inside a light bulb :?:
A3: There was a loose light bulb in a toilet on an aircraft I flew on last week; it was a Boeing but even so...................


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kitmeow279
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10 Jul 2010, 3:51 am

Asparval wrote:
"My dog's got no nose"

"Really? How does it smell?"



with its ass!



bloodshot
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10 Jul 2010, 7:30 am

Everything funny about asperger's in one video...

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFt2aZvg3qE[/youtube]