Do your parents still treat you like a child?
Joined: Aug 24, 2006
My heart goes out to those living with the constant ridicule and frustration of insensitve jerk parents. My dad could, at times, be a real prickle.
It seemed like nothing I ever did was good enough, that I was "Lazy and Dumb" ( his definition of LD), and would never really be anything worthwhile. He had the nerve to get in my face one night and tell me "It's going to be funny watching you try to get a job. You don't have the skills to pump gas." He would never let up with this kind of thing until he had made me cry. Then He would humiliate me further by invading my room and trashing it, telling me to "clean it right or I'll do it again, and leave the door open so i can watch you do it right" and leave me alone for a while. Then he'd do it again a day or two later. It never seemed to matter if I'd actually done anything wrong or not. I took about five years of this crap, every day , from him, my step mom (sometimes), and also from my ape-like classmates. The only reason I can function at all is because I got away from him finally and moved up here with my mom. (Not surprisingly, I arrived in a state of intense suicidal depression and pure fury.)
We have had our problems, but I'm on my own now, and about to be married in October. I guess I CAN do something right after all. Finding this site and reading everyone's stories has been such a great lift to my soul, I can never repay it. I never knew why I do the things I do, or can't handle certain things, but I feel like I'm finally home and free to be myself. Sorry this is so long and rambly, but I just HAD to say it.
Best of luck to those still caged, and I hope you all find your way out.
Joined: Oct 12, 2006
Joined: Apr 20, 2007
Location: Bedford UK
I wish often that I was still treated like a child because as far as I (and the doctors) are concerned, I have the social maturity of a 7 year old...
I have HFA, ADHD, OCD & Tourette syndrome. I love animals, especially my bunnies and hamster. I skate in a roller derby team (but I'll try not to bite )
Joined: Apr 25, 2008
Joined: Jul 26, 2008
Joined: Jun 20, 2008
Location: Out there.... in here...
I'm 43 years old, and my parents still treat me like I'm an imbecile, which is pretty annoying, because frankly they're not smart enough to lord anything over me.
It gets pretty embarrassing when they come to visit, and we interact with neighbors and staff at stores -- my Dad loves to step in and take over, and it's like I don't even exist anymore for him. Problem is, I'm so visual-spatial, that it takes a while for me to figure out what's going on around me, before I can respond to it, and speak up for myself. And my dad tends to be so sensitive that if I say anything to him that indicates he's done something wrong, he tears up and gets very emotional and sometimes starts to cry. I friggin' hate when he cries -- I don't always know that's what he's doing, and I don't know what to do. It's so uncomfortable!
Another issue is that I have issues with verbal detail recall, so I'll forget some things, which isn't a problem, unless people make it a problem. My parents see that as a real problem. They think I'm a pathological liar (I'm not -- I have confabulation issues -- I'm not NT enough to be any good at even pretending to lie), or they think I'm a space cadet. As usual. At least they've stopped calling me names. But they still laugh at me. Sadly, it takes me too long to sort out the verbal version of what I'm experiencing, and by the time I can figure out what just happened socially and speak up, the moment is passed, and they don't realize they've done anything wrong.
Fortunately, my partner speaks up for me. She's very quick and can spot their b.s. a mile a way. I wish I had more stomach for conflict -- she could probably get them in line pretty quickly, if I let her speak up as much as she wants to. But the ensuing drama is more than I have stomach for.
I tend to have great skills where my parents are clueless, and I'm clueless where my parents are functional, so I always end up looking like I'm developmentally delayed all across the board, because they are literally blind to the areas where I have my greatest strengths. Either that, or they just don't care about the things I care about -- like the technology I'm developing or the research I'm studying.
They've always talked to me differently than my siblings, which makes me nuts. My mom is convinced I have no feelings, and when my sister passed away suddenly a few years ago, just 2 weeks before her 40th birthday, my mom couldn't understand why I was crying. It was as though she just assumed I felt nothing, and she treated me like a freak for having emotions like everyone else. Very frustrating. Tough to get over that one...
I don't want to disrespect my parents, but I don't want to be treated like an imbecile, either. Unfortunately, they are getting older and they're starting to "slip", so my window of opportunity to speak with them about their condescending habits is closing quickly.
Fortunately, I don't see them that often -- once or twice a year, at most. And I try to make sure that we have very structured time together, preferably without contact with the outside world. I put them to work, since they're so convinced they know better than anyone how to rake the leaves in my 1/2 acre back yard
I wish things could have been different with them, but they have no tolerance for me and my uniqueness, and they judge my differences to be deficiencies. If they're not laughing at me, they're pitying me or talking down to me... or I can't really figure out what they're doing. So there we have it.
And people wonder why I'm not closer to my folks...
It's just me.
Joined: Jul 15, 2008
Joined: Sep 24, 2011
|Do your parents still treat you like a child?||
09 May 2008, 4:22 pm
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