How do you get a guy to leave you alone?



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Ticker
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:23 pm

I'm asking this from an Aspie point of view. My NT friends say just tell hom. But just tell him how? I'm very Aspie and prefer to stay quiet unless discussing the weather or science. I'm not comfortable at being open (verbally) with people and especially not strangers. I want this guy to leave me alone. He is pestering me at both work and church. I suspect he is on the spectrum and is one of those blokes that is too dumb to get a clue when a woman turns around and walks away that she is not interested. I don't like him staring at me like a grinning idiot either.

I'm afraid what will happen is like it usually goes where I get pushed past my limit and explode in an Aspie female fit saying "get the hell away from me" or scream "Leave me ALONE" or simply kick him in the crotch and run. I do not consider either appropriate choice of words for either the work or church scene. So I'm asking the other ladies here for something short and easily said that is appropriate for the workplace as I suspect he will be following me around tomorrow like a puppy dog. How can I get him to leave me alone? On of my cool NT co-workers said she could arrange to have him beaten up, but he is such a weinerhead geek they would pulverize him.

PS: I think his mom his partly encouraging him to continue pursuing me judging by the nasty grin she gave me at church. He lives with her and I swear she dresses him and grooms his hair too. Like I said he has to be on the spectrum.



Futurama91
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:44 pm

I feel your pain. I, too, am a weirdo magnet.

Once I was being stalked by a total freak. He harrassed me at work, so I quit and got a new job across town. Then he showed up at that job with a drawing of what he thought I looked like naked and an invitation to come to his house so that he could draw me. Yeah, that will happen, freak...not!

Well, I was very frightened. I figured that if he found my job, he knew where I lived, too. So I went to a payphone and called him. I got his machine and I said something like, "Yeah, I have a message for you, @$$****! !! ! I don't ever want to talk to you or see your ugly face again. If you so much as watch me walk down the street, I'll have you taken care of and you'll wish I had just called the cops! Leave me the **** alone!! !"

Well, it worked. It might not be the answer for you, though.



hale_bopp
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:48 pm

He sounds like letsgoblues.

People like that won't leave you alone unless they are blatenly told. Lie to him and say something about "my boyfriend".



Ticker
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 7:55 pm

hale_bopp wrote:
He sounds like letsgoblues.

People like that won't leave you alone unless they are blatenly told. Lie to him and say something about "my boyfriend".


Well I'm lesbian so I can't say my boyfriend. This guy is a clueless git because I look extremely tomboyish and besides that I go to a church that is at least 1/3 lesbian. The church is known for being gay/lesbian so you think this git would kinda figure out I'm gay.

He's the kinda guy you can tell has never been on a date and I think since I am so Aspie-ish he thinks oh she's a loser so she must be desperate for a date or something. Not!



Ticker
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 8:08 pm

Futurama- So you know what I am going through. Actually I've gone through this before where I had a full fledged stalker. I made the mistake of speaking with him because he spoke with me at a video store to recommend a good martial arts video. I worked at taekwondo school at the time and my boss had given us out business cards and told us to talk people into signing up for a trial course. So I made that mistake of giving out my card. He started calling up the school claiming I had said I was a 5th degree black belt. LMAO Do you know how long someone has to study to be 5h degree? I started going to another martial arts school and stopped the video store next door to it. The cashier knew the stalker guy and dumb me used a personal check so he got my ph# and gave it to him. He started calling my house. He showed up a couple times at the new martial arts school. He came in and asked the instructor some sexual questions. Then he turned to me and said hi you remember me. And in my most calm, puzzled voice (I don't know how I ever pulled it off) I said "no, I don't believe I know you" and looked at him like who the hell are you. He never bothered me again.

I refuse to leave my place of employment for the new geek though. He's just a temp so I am hoping he doesn't get asked to stay on. Though they are desperate for help and I'm afraid they will keep him. I am not leaving because I have worked there a very long time and have good benefits. I noticed he was pestering another much younger girl so if he's bothering more than me someone else may report him or observe him bothering us and report to the office. I don't want to get him canned; I just want the stupid moron to quit talking to me and quite staring at me, or more likely staring at my breasts. There was another sh#thead last winter pestering me; he finally left the company or something happened. He's not there now.

This new geek is also at my church and freakin announced after one visit to the church he has decided to attend the next new members meeting because I am. What the heck is that basing whether you want to become a member on who else is attending the class. He came over to me at work when I was busy and said I noticed you must go to the early morning church service so he said he was going to start attending that one so he could sit with me. Yuck! Look I didn't invite you to sit with me dude!



Dhp
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 9:50 pm

Oh, so this stalker works there? Tell your boss about what he's doing to you. If I'm mistaken (and usually I am) Call the police and get a restraining order on him. Oh, and change your phone number...he sounds like he is dangerous. If he calls the new number, then call the police on him. Sorry, but if he doesn't get it, he will then.



star1215
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:23 pm

Welcome to my life.

Honestly, the only thing that's worked for me is dropping hints about a boyfriend. In your case, can't you just drop hints about a girlfriend?

It works much better than what I do in my head, which is to scream at him to leave me alone.



Futurama91
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:27 pm

Maybe I'm just shell shocked from my horrendous experiences with men, but why are you so concerned about this weirdo losing his job and stuff? You're not doing anything wrong. You just don't feel safe at work. Now you have to put up with this at church? Report him! Complain! Do something.

I just worry that with dense sickos like that, if you don't come out and say, "Hey, I don't like you and I will call the cops!", they'll just persist.



Ticker
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:36 pm

DHP- So from your viewpoint of a guy you think this dude is dangerous? Really? I just thought he was a clueless git who has probably poured over dating tips books and trying too hard to get a woman. I seriously thing he has AS, has all the signs of it honestly. I've seen on this site many a times where guys thought the way to land a date was by pestering a woman until she breaks down and says yes. I just don't think he can understand expressions and such and doesn't realize when I turn and walk away from him without saying goodbye or excuse me I need to leave that that is a sure sign I don't want to be around him.



Ticker
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:46 pm

Futurama91 wrote:
Maybe I'm just shell shocked from my horrendous experiences with men, but why are you so concerned about this weirdo losing his job and stuff? You're not doing anything wrong. You just don't feel safe at work. Now you have to put up with this at church? Report him! Complain! Do something.

I just worry that with dense sickos like that, if you don't come out and say, "Hey, I don't like you and I will call the cops!", they'll just persist.


Yes I agree you're right. I think my problem with telling on him at work is he will likely get fired and I feel he's not mean. He's just a clueless Aspie guy without a friend in the world and he's desperate at his age with raging hormones to get a girl. Mind you I'm 15 years older, but I often get mistaken for being in my early twenties. I guess I am just too kind hearted. However you would not have thought that earlier today when I told 2 guys to get the "f*ck off my porch because you don't live here".

I plan on calling the church tomorrow and talking to the minister and/or the leader of the new members class for starters.

I wished I could think quicker on my feet. Like when he said he wanted to change service times so he could sit with me after he left I thought to myself (as if I was talking to him) "So you want to sit with a group of lesbians?" Because all the womyn sit in one section together. Actually its kinda weird like self imposed segregation, but I knew most of them from before I joined the church and realized they were members too. But if I'd said that he might very well have left me alone.



Futurama91
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:54 pm

Ticker wrote:

I plan on calling the church tomorrow and talking to the minister and/or the leader of the new members class for starters.

I wished I could think quicker on my feet. Like when he said he wanted to change service times so he could sit with me after he left I thought to myself (as if I was talking to him) "So you want to sit with a group of lesbians?" Because all the womyn sit in one section together. Actually its kinda weird like self imposed segregation, but I knew most of them from before I joined the church and realized they were members too. But if I'd said that he might very well have left me alone.


Maybe that will give him a clue. Anyway, you are closer to the situation and my advice is the advice of a survivor, and it's tinted as such. Good luck, though!



TheMachine1
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:57 pm

I was pretty dumb in college when a girl said "do you view me as girlfriend material". I just said "sure why not". I was trying to be nice to a friendly person not start a romance but you guessed I was then stalked till I made it clear "I like you as a friend only". So my advice is be as honest as you can with the guy and tell him your not looking to start a relationship. Rejection sucks but its better to do it quicker than later.



BazzaMcKenzie
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Sun Aug 19, 2007 11:26 pm

Does his mother know about your preferences and the gays and lesbians in church?

Are you ok with telling his mum? Ask if she would be ok with her son being invited to gay parties. She may decide to keep her son away from girls like you :lol:


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Ticker
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Mon Aug 20, 2007 1:18 am

BazzaMcKenzie wrote:
Does his mother know about your preferences and the gays and lesbians in church?

Are you ok with telling his mum? Ask if she would be ok with her son being invited to gay parties. She may decide to keep her son away from girls like you :lol:



Hmmm come to think of it there are former Fundies I think. So they wouldn't be used to a bunch a queers in church. They haven't been going to the early service which is when the lesbian crew all gather and take up the most of the seats on one side. I just assumed anyone could tell by looking at me, so no I haven't officially announced my preference to anyone at church. Then again I'm not quite as obvious as Rosie O. and have had more than my share of male attention for some unknown reason. I mean as a hetero do you often proclaim your preference before a room of people? :lol: Same difference here.


PS: It's good to see you on here Bazza. It's been awhile since we talked. Hope things are going well on the other side of the world.



gwenevyn
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Mon Aug 20, 2007 1:43 am

Just say you're not interested. If you care about social finesse, you might direct conversation to that general subject and then drop the bomb. Or else you could just say it bluntly, out of the blue. Something like, "Gee, I'm probably just imagining things, but sometimes I think you're interested in me and I just want to make it clear that I'm not looking for that sort of relationship, with you."

Don't worry too much about how you say it. You must be firm. Saying it soon is better than saying it perfectly, especially as the latter really isn't possible.



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