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Eric_C
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26 Aug 2007, 5:31 pm

I guess with college they told me that there's alot of Aspies there *esspecially girls (they said in quote).

What's it like dating another aspie? Are you like at eachothers throats and most of the time not understanding eachother or is it the oppisite.

Are they more agressive then men or is it just various.

I want to prepair myself just in case if I wanted to date one. I want to understand some stuff so I won't make as many mistakes.


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Tim_Tex
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26 Aug 2007, 6:02 pm

The thing about this is that not all AS/AS relationships are alike. Much of it depends on what extent the two people have AS. There are some people with severe AS, and there are others who are borderline AS/NT.

I am borderline AS/NT, and I am quite flexible. I have a friend back in Houston who has it to a greater extent than I do, and she can be rather rigid.

The only advice I can give you is to keep an open mind.

Tim


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neopsytox
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26 Aug 2007, 7:17 pm

I am an Aspie femme. Can't speak for others, BUT as far as dating goes, I tend to be quite attentive and loyal, but then again, thats how I am with friendships, too, eventhough they tend to...disappear.

I have problems with being touched (even handshakes), but am trying to work on such things as its always the thing that destroys my relationships (being a "prude"), though the relationships tend to last at least a year...Not to say that I do not have the most intense libido, but it feels awkward to pursue it, because I know that the communication that enhances the relationship will die...and inevitably, they will leave anyway. I do have a problem, however, with aggressively seducing the person initially in the hopes that they will be so blinded by their passion that my strangeness isn't as readily apparent, but after that, not even kissing.

People tend to be drawn to me, (maybe its the childlike innocence?) so I have to be cautious of those I choose to speak with, because it can be a dangerous situation when hormones run rampant. I have the typical Aspie problems concerning "how to do small talk," because, basically, I just jump right in, and if the connection isn't deep initially, if there isn't a bond, I move on to someone else. Yet, if not engaged in conversation with one of these people, I stay completely silent and withdrawn.

All I really want is someone who is loyal to be my life companion, I suppose, without the pressures of being "traditional," but usually they want this deep commitment right away and speak with stars in their eyes about how intense their love is for me. The attention is great and the gesture is nice, but I know it isn't love...as they never know or understand me, so I stay close to them as a friend and confidant, but try to detach myself from getting caught up in their daydream.

My personality is quirky. I say and think the strangest things and am bursting with a neverending stream of ideas and projects. I research and am interested in everything under the sun, may speak too much at times, and not enough at others. My personality flips from playful and fun to serious and analytical in a pinch. Also, this may be an issue inwhich others can identify, I can turn my emotions on or off in an instant, and sometimes my emotions come on very strong.

Being of the "extreme male" mind, my gender identity or sexual preference was questioned throughout life, until I came across a description on Wikipedia of this syndrome. I dress androgynously with artistic flare, seem conservative but have a liberal tongue, and am what some may call a "Prince." This is from the male brain aspect, I suppose, but I am definitely heterosexual as the personality of females do not intrigue me in the slightest.

In addition, I like the quiet and engaging in discussion on any current obsessions or passions, because to see someone else spark, makes me come to life. I prefer to stay indoors and away from large company as I feel awkward around people, so one person is fine for me.

Oh yes, I get the words: enigma, weird, eccentric, and intimidating thrown my way all the time, sometimes adoringly, especially in the beginning, but usually in an obviously negative tone.

I am unaware whether I am full-blown or borderline, but I do know that I obsess, research, and analyze just a bit too much, and I inevitably lose people in my life for the same reason they were attracted to me, my peculiarities, and yet, I still actively seek to find that one person who truly "gets" and accepts me.

Excuse the length.


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Last edited by neopsytox on 26 Aug 2007, 11:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Ragtime
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26 Aug 2007, 7:43 pm

neopsytox wrote:
Excuse the length.


No, thank you for it! You did a great job of introducing yourself. I typically can't make it through long posts without my mind wandering, but yours held my attention. :) Also nice to see another Texan on WP.



Pugly
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26 Aug 2007, 8:25 pm

neopsytox wrote:
All I really want is someone who is loyal to be my life companion, I suppose, without the pressures of being "traditional," but usually they want this deep commitment right away and speak with stars in their eyes about how intense their love is for me. The attention is great and the gesture is nice, but I know it isn't love...as they never know or understand me, so I stay close to them as a friend and confidant, but try to detach myself from getting caught up in their daydream.


Why reject them because they have these daydreams? I tend to make fantastic dreams about what could be with those that I like... I know true love hasn't formed yet... but I don't reject the notion that it could happen. I assume that it'll work out, unless the person shows something that I reject.

When I make notions of that deep commitment, it means I like you enough that I want to share everything so that we could form a relationship... it doesn't mean I believe it will happen as an inevitability.

It sounds like you would have a good relationship with the right person.

As for the original question, from reading this site... there is a wide difference in people with AS... it's not a good criteria to determine if the relationship will work. Your already dealing with a small segment of the population, and then when you partition it further with only certain types of Aspies... and only those that share you interests... it's not hard to see that it'll be near impossible to find your "dream" aspie.

I'd say don't discount those quirky, patient and understanding NTs of the world. They may not warm up to you initially... depending on your social skills and stuff... but they may be burned out of the conventional dating world and could see a charm in how differently you present yourself.

I'm thinking that if two folks with AS met, and they are perfect for each other... it'll be one of the most wonderful relationships in the world. But everything has to align up perfectly or there is going to be many problems... there are so many things those with AS can be picky and rigid about... and if these are in conflict...oooh, I'd watch out.


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Tim_Tex
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26 Aug 2007, 8:39 pm

neopsytox wrote:
I am an Aspie femme. Can't speak for others, BUT as far as dating goes, I tend to be quite attentive and loyal, but then again, thats how I am with friendships, too, eventhough they tend to...disappear.

I have problems with being touched (even handshakes), but am trying to work on such things as its always the thing that destroys my relationships (being a "prude"), though the relationships tend to last at least a year...Not to say that I do not have the most intense libido, but it feels awkward to pursue it, because I know that the communication that enhances the relationship will die...and inevitably, they will leave anyway. I do have a problem, however, with aggressively seducing the person initially in the hopes that they will be so blinded by their passion that my strangeness isn't as readily apparent, but after that, not even kissing.

People tend to be drawn to me, (maybe its the childlike innocence?) so I have to be cautious of those I choose to speak with, because it can be a dangerous situation when hormones run rampant. I have the typical Aspie problems concerning "how to do small talk," because, basically, I just jump right in, and if the connection isn't deep initially, if there isn't a bond, I move on to someone else. Yet, if not engaged in conversation with one of these people, I stay completely silent and withdrawn.

All I really want is someone who is loyal to be my life companion, I suppose, without the pressures of being "traditional," but usually they want this deep commitment right away and speak with stars in their eyes about how intense their love is for me. The attention is great and the gesture is nice, but I know it isn't love...as they never know or understand me, so I stay close to them as a friend and confidant, but try to detach myself from getting caught up in their daydream.

My personality is quirky. I say and think the strangest things and am bursting with a neverending stream of ideas and projects. I research and am interested in everything under the sun, may speak too much at times, and not enough at others. My personality flips from playful and fun to serious and analytical in a pinch. Also, this may be an issue inwhich others can identify, I can turn my emotions on or off in an instant, and sometimes my emotions come on very strong.

Being of the "extreme male" mind, my gender identity or sexual preference was questioned throughout life, until I came across a description on Wikipedia of this syndrome. I dress androgynously with artistic flare, seem conservative but have a liberal tongue, and am what some may call a "Prince." This is from the male brain aspect, I suppose, but I am definitely heterosexual as the personality of females do not intrigue me in the slightest.

In addition, I like the quiet and engaging in discussion on any current obsessions or passions, because to see someone else spark, makes me come to life. I prefer to stay indoors and away from large company as I feel awkward around people, so one person is fine for me.

Oh yes, I get the words: enigma, weird, eccentric, and intimidating thrown my way all the time, sometimes adoringly, especially in the beginning, but usually in an obviously negative tone.

I am unaware whether I am full-blown or borderline, but I do know that I obsess, research, and analyze just a bit too much, and I inevitably loose people in my life for the same reason they were attracted to me, my peculiarities, and yet, I still actively seek to find that one person who truly "gets" and accepts me.

Excuse the length.


Until a few days ago, I lived in Houston. I live in Wichita Falls now, attending Midwestern State University.

Tim


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Shivani
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26 Aug 2007, 10:51 pm

I have just finished reading this book, which gives very good insight into what perhaps an Aspie relationship could be like.

http://www.amazon.com/Mozart-Whale-Aspe ... 074327282X

There was a movie made of the same name based on these people, starring Josh Harnett. But the movie is fictional, totally different from the book.


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Eric_C
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28 Aug 2007, 3:01 pm

I heard that there is a difference between the book and the movie. I haven't read the book but I have the dvd.

I've seen on Amazon this book. I'm not sure if anyone has read it before. I haven't yet.

http://www.amazon.com/Aspergers-Girls-Tony-Attwood/dp/193256540X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/105-6466355-9618868?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1188264237&sr=8-1


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