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13 Sep 2007, 11:28 am

I just get extremely frustrated and overwhelmed, then everything sort of spirals in at me and I'm there, lying down, avoiding eye contact or burying my face in something. I'm unable to control the tone of my voice or even what I say, so I just stop speech altogether.

That's when people are around and I can't get angry. When I'm alone I will sort of act like an animal. I'll jump around, face red no doubt, throwing and punching things and letting out great roars of anger. I can't usually cry but I'll breathe heavily like I am.



richardbenson
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13 Sep 2007, 12:33 pm

inability to cope with the situation you are in.


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nobodyzdream
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13 Sep 2007, 12:37 pm

This is what I wrote in my essay the other day about what it's like to have a meltdown for me.

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What is a meltdown? Well, the only way I can really describe it is as follows:

Imagine you are in the middle of a tornado, right in the center, and you are watching all of your cherished belongings going around and around you. Some are poking out, and you are pretty sure you can reach them without getting sucked in, so you go for it. You grab the arm of your favorite teddy bear, and you go to pull it and it rips off. You try again. After a bit, you are left with only fragments of your possessions piling up. You begin debating how to get out of the center when you are suddenly sucked in. It is very similar for me. The belongings however, are my thoughts. The tornado is a mixture of things I am not comprehending, colors being too bright at the moment, being able to see lights flickering, smelling every scent in the house, hearing every single noise including electrical buzzing and the truck down the street with the bad exhaust pipe... all at the same time. The only difference is that I start right in the tornado, not in the center. It hits suddenly, and before I know it, I'm grasping for what needs to be said, but I can only get out fragments. Once logic is gone, emotions take over. I feel emotions are fairly irrational for the most part, but when they take over completely it is quite overwhelming to not be able to think clearly since I rely so heavily on it. I don't understand the emotions, which just piles up on top of that. It usually lasts only about 5 or 10 minutes (which feels like eternity), but it takes 1 or 2 hours to recover from it. To somebody else's point of view, it simply looks like a temper tantrum.


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siuan
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13 Sep 2007, 1:04 pm

Yep, much of that sounds familiar.


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mmaestro
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13 Sep 2007, 1:13 pm

When I started really seriously reading up on AS, I kept thinking "well, at least I don't get meltdowns, thank God." Then I realised over the weekend I do, they're just rare. I think I'd describe it as a "feedback loop," in my head, a particularly stressful thought or feeling just gets run in circles again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and... (enough to emphasise the point?). I don't get angry or shout, for the most part, I just shut down completely, getting consumed in this miserable thought and feeling. I think it's usually based around something I cannot do, that I've somehow been forced to, or a situation I don't want to be in. So there's a lot of self-loathing and hatred of my own inability to do something, as well as directed anger at whoever or whatever put me in the situation. I think this sometimes escalates to self-harm, although since I'd usually have moved myself somewhere private, and won't go anywhere else, I think it's been limited to scratching myself in the last few years.
To give a concrete example, I hate dancing. It's like a distillation of everything I hate about myself - putting yourself as the center of attention, not understanding the appeal and so not enjoying it, and my own inherent ineptitude, my inability to move my limbs to the beat of the music (I think this is part of my lack of coordination from the AS), it just causes this deep discomfort that I can't begin to describe fully. Put me in that situation, and as soon as I can flee I will, to somewhere quiet, and I'll just... shut down, re-running it again and again, my own feelings of inadequacy and inability, my separation from others (everyone else enjoys it, they must see I hate it and I can't do it and I'm a terrible human being and, and, and...).
Hell, even writing this has given me a headache, I'm feeling sick to my stomach, my heart is racing, I'm jittery, my vision is tunnelling.. you get the idea.


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13 Sep 2007, 3:03 pm

Eialune wrote:
Meltdowns triggered by stress or sensory overload, there's more crying and emotion...These are the kinds where I can get mean and exploit people's weaknesses by finding what hurts them and then confronting them with it. That's when I say things I regret and have to go about trying to repair things. Or raid the medicine cabinet.


^^^This is me.

And I can get quite violent, but my tendency is to hurt things, not people, physically. I throw things and slam things and kick things.

I am not above yelling at people, unfortunately.

The word rage definitely explains how I'm feeling. And my chest tightens and I get tunnel vision, which only makes things worse as I can't see very well.


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Macbeth
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13 Sep 2007, 5:07 pm

LadyMacbeth wrote:
Yogamat wrote:

Anyway, my meltdowns are internal. I curl up into a ball (physically, if possible), stop talking completely, and hum to myself. All my skin crawls, my face gets flushed and my scalp tingles. The biggest part is the inability to speak until the meltdown is over, which usually lasts at least an hour.


Same. Near exact, actually. Though I tend to hit myself and press against my face a lot. Being pinned down helps. My boyfriend has learned now how to handle me, and when it's likely to occur (after I've had a bad day, etc). He helps by putting his palm over my forehead and pressing.


That serves a dual purpose. One, it provides the pressure shes after, without the damage, and two, it stops her actually punching herself in the noggin. Better the back of my hand than her brainpan, I suspect.

Havent had a proper meltdown for a while now. I suspect life just got less stressful, especially since I dumped my old gf (who was nothing but pure stress) and met LadyM. I dont think I've actually had one since I met her. She's definitely never witnessed one, that i know of.


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13 Sep 2007, 5:36 pm

My melt downs are generally more internal than external, or sometimes a little bit of both.

Usually during a meltdown I will start to feel extreme anxiety and then for some strange reasons sounds feel like they are echoing and getting louder. I will usually just stare at nothing and sometimes rock or squeal.

Sometimes I will have external meltdown like crying or screaming, but not screaming at anyone, just screaming in general. Sometimes I will throw things because I will feel uncontrolable anger.

I guess the meltdown depends on the situation that I am in.


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maccer
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13 Sep 2007, 5:48 pm

Meltdowns from me are usually pretty much controlled with me these days compared when i was a little boy and i just wanted to throw a tantrum at absolutely eveything o make sure i got my own way. I just wanted to throw things at the offending party, these days its probably i frustrating feeling inside and i probably fist the table or a keyboard or something just to try and let a little anger out and try and recompose myself like nothings happened. Sometimes might damage something its if a little serious like throwing a cup or bottle on the floor to smash it.

Today was a very tough day for me today. When I heard that McLaren were docked of its constructors points for this season, that sent me furious as my team were bound to win the constructors for the first time since 1998!! !. Its even worse now that Ferrari are going to win now... :evil: :evil:



Doc_Daneeka
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13 Sep 2007, 7:53 pm

Generally, a meltdown for me is internal. I get more and more frustrated and angry, and my audio processing often becomes...um...weird. It's hard to explain that part. It becomes hard to determine whether a sound is close or distant. Anyway, I become upset to the point where I have to leave to find a place to be alone, immediately. This is often very confusing to those around me, as I suddenly appear angry for no good reason, and then just leave with no explanation. It's as though something in my mind is yelling "You have to get away from here, NOW!"

I find that when I get away from people, and just curl up into a ball, I calm down after a while. Sometimes rocking helps a lot too.



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13 Sep 2007, 8:06 pm

I get these quite a lot under any conditions that I find overwhelming, frustrating or that cause some sort of conflict in my mind. I freeze and then a rage comes from nowhere and I just let loose with my fists, punching myself, punching things around me, kicking things, throwing things, breaking things, crying, shouting obscenities... I rarely hit anyone else though, just myself. They really are truly horrible and I hate the way they can cause me to go from this fairly calm and detached person to a child having a major temper tantrum.



squeezle
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13 Sep 2007, 8:08 pm

Doc_Daneeka wrote:
Generally, a meltdown for me is internal. I get more and more frustrated and angry, and my audio processing often becomes...um...weird. It's hard to explain that part. It becomes hard to determine whether a sound is close or distant. Anyway, I become upset to the point where I have to leave to find a place to be alone, immediately.


that sounds familiar, i've described it sometimes as feeling like i am underwater and the sounds are just 'swimming' around me



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13 Sep 2007, 8:12 pm

LadyMacbeth wrote:
Same. Near exact, actually. Though I tend to hit myself and press against my face a lot. Being pinned down helps. My boyfriend has learned now how to handle me, and when it's likely to occur (after I've had a bad day, etc). He helps by putting his palm over my forehead and pressing.


There's a great yoga position I use to calm myself, which presses your forehead against the floor: Image

I think the pressing of the forehead is key to calming this kind of internal meltdown. And being curled up makes me feel protected, less vulnerable to the terrors of the outside world.



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13 Sep 2007, 8:28 pm

Yogamat wrote:
LadyMacbeth wrote:
Same. Near exact, actually. Though I tend to hit myself and press against my face a lot. Being pinned down helps. My boyfriend has learned now how to handle me, and when it's likely to occur (after I've had a bad day, etc). He helps by putting his palm over my forehead and pressing.


There's a great yoga position I use to calm myself, which presses your forehead against the floor: Image

I think the pressing of the forehead is key to calming this kind of internal meltdown. And being curled up makes me feel protected, less vulnerable to the terrors of the outside world.


And I quote:

Quote:
Macbeth says:
oo check the meltdown thread
Macbeth says:
that yoga position is perverse
Macbeth says:
can i bend you into that?
Em says:
LOL
Macbeth says:
it SO looks like a bondage position


----------------------------------------

:lol:


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Last edited by LadyMacbeth on 13 Sep 2007, 8:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oddish
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13 Sep 2007, 8:36 pm

I cry like a little baby and throw things and if it gets really bad I hit my head and bite myself and if people try to calm me down, it just makes me cry harder because they are overwhelming me. I can get it under control, I just need to be alone for a while, like an hour, and then I can talk about it rationally, but if anyone tries to approach me either with kindness or negativity, it just makes me lose it and it will take even longer before I am calm again. So basically the golden rule that I have to remember is that if I sense it happening, I have to remove myself from the situation or else I go nuts.

I don't know why my mom never learned this when I was a teenager and most prone to meltdowns, she'd keep talking to me and either scolding me or trying to comfort me when I was still upset. This just made it last all night sometimes.



Doc_Daneeka
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13 Sep 2007, 8:45 pm

squeezle wrote:
Doc_Daneeka wrote:
Generally, a meltdown for me is internal. I get more and more frustrated and angry, and my audio processing often becomes...um...weird. It's hard to explain that part. It becomes hard to determine whether a sound is close or distant. Anyway, I become upset to the point where I have to leave to find a place to be alone, immediately.


that sounds familiar, i've described it sometimes as feeling like i am underwater and the sounds are just 'swimming' around me


That's not a bad description. It becomes hard to sort out near and far, loud and quiet, etc. Everything just starts to sound 'wrong'.