Anyone have Asperger's very very mildly?

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ToadOfSteel
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24 Sep 2007, 2:37 pm

I had AS fairly significantly in my early years. Because of this, I was heavily therapized (I want a trademark on that) into someone capable of assimilating into NT society and "faking" NT behavior. It wasn't ABA (no drugs), but something close enough... I was only taught to assimilate into NT society as far as I needed to in order to make a living and live independently, but not beyond that... so I'm still an aspie through and through...



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24 Sep 2007, 2:45 pm

Hi, I'm new to the boards. I think this is a really great website. Anyways, I believe I have very, very mild Aspergers. I don't know whether to get it diagnosed - as someone said, why do I want the label? For me, I think I'd like the diagnosis as an excuse as to why I have some social problems. I'm sure my mom suspects it by now, but she's very strict, and I don't think she wants to believe it. She questioned me about some behavior and I finally admitted I thought I had autistic tendencies, but we've kind of dismissed it since. Someone we are close to has autism, and so my family is very familiar with all aspects of autism, and have seen numerous news programs and read many articles about it. I've diagnosed myself. As a child, I used to get really 'worked up' when I was reading, or making up stories in a fictional universe I had in my head (that sounds weirder than it is..I know it's not real or anything, but I like to write and I play around with characters in my mind)...and I'd have stimming behaviors. I'd move my fingers really fast in front of my nose - I dont know how to describe it. I also had poor coordination/muscle tone. My parents brought me to a specialist, and they showed me pictures and asked questions, but I had no problems with that kind of thing, as I have a normal or above average (2190 SAT) IQ. They said I had no problems. I got teased at school a lot for this thing we called "doing my face." I've retained the behavior, but have learned how to hide it by hiding my fists as I cross my arms, so that i's barely noticable. In a boring class, I revert to my fantasy world, and this happens. If I get really excited (usually about a TV show...I get fixated on TV shows)...I pace and kind of jump around if no one is watching. I definiately have stimming behaviors, but hide them well. I also do that blank stare thing. My speech is not odd, and I don't have trouble seeing visual clues. Most people would not at all suspect I have asperger's. I'd say my mom is the only one with any idea. I've managed to have friends, but not many. I just went to college, and I'm having trouble adjusting. The reason is, I'm fine socially for hours or even days. But I need to retreat at times, and the constant socialization of college is a lot for me. I need to go back to my computer and read fanfiction or check message boards, or i get agitated. If my computer crashes, I get near tears, but I havent told anyone how much it bothers me. Schedule changes such can at times also really make me upset - but once again, I've always been really good at hiding it. Certain words used to bother me a lot, but I've managed to get past that. I've noticed I'm able to put a lot of my quirks behind me, but I develop new ones. If I could, I'd talk about TV all the time to people. Specifically my favorite show, House. But I know that's inappropriate, so I don't. But I know tons of useless facts relating to TV and music, so I'm really good at trivia. My poor coordination is still there, and I just feel very awkward socially. I seem very normal in general, but I don't feel like I fit in with other people my age. I get along very well with adults. Most people would probably just describe me as shy, or maybe a little uptight. However, eye contact doesnt bother me, and neither does hugging, although I'm not real comfortable with contact except with small children. I've also always walked on my toes and I can't break that. I know this post is rambling, but this is the first time I've shared this with anyone. I don't know whether to get it diagnosed, or who to see about it. I feel that I've devoted so much of my life to appearing 'typical', and I've mostly succeeded. However, I'm not sure I could be normal enough to maintain a marriage, and in some ways I feel that with the diagnosis, I'll use it as an excuse to withdraw socially and not pursue a cool career. I am also worried about disappointing my parents, even though I know they'd be supportive. I'm just sick of my mom criticizing the way I appear unfriendly in new social situations, and of being at college and just not feeling like I fit in. I wish I had more understanding, but I also feel it would freak out the new friends I'm making, and make me stand out more. From this description, would you agree I have Asperger's? Does anyone have any advice on what I should do?

Thank you so much. I think this is a great place to come to for advice.



angelene
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24 Sep 2007, 3:19 pm

i am MILD. i pass for normal until you start messing up my routines and i get upset or i start obsessing about my things.

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Bluemax, you beat me to it.
What she said, and I agree, is how useful to you is the label? What do you want out of calling yourself Asperger's, if that's what you decide to do? Is it a jumping off point for reading, understanding, and learning new coping strategies, would it change your life? I think for those of us who're borderline, that's an important question to ask.


for me, the label is a victory. i have always known i was different since i was a pre-teen, and i got no help from my mother when i persued an answer. recieving this diagnoses was better than ANY right-of-passage life could have thrown at me.


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24 Sep 2007, 3:35 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
likedcalico wrote:
I feel the same way about myself. I feel I don't have it but yet have lot of the traits. I was very surprised when I was diagnosed with it. I am flexible at my job, I can talk to people, I can change my routines, I can make alternate routines to avoid anxiety because I couldn't do my usual routine, I do eye contact when I feel comfortable. I don't make things in stone for me because I know I will get upset and get anxiety over it if it doesn't go the way I wanted it.


Oh why can't aspies do the same coping methods I do? :?


I use similar coping methods.

Tim


I asked the guy who was training me in my new job to draw me a flow chart illustrating what paths my day might take. So, whilst I can't have a complete routine to run through every day, I am semi-expecting one of three different ones, which I find very satisfactory.

In my last job I almost learnt to accept chaos as the 'routine'. This did not really work - I got ill.



ArcAngel06
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24 Sep 2007, 3:54 pm

I am definately borderline.
I think not being diagnosed until really later in life has helped me adapt in a rather sink or swim manner just to survive
I find that everything is a conscious effort for me- I reherse my interactions in my head,
I think that when my number is eventually up someone is going to hand me an Oscar for best actress in the starring role of someone living a resemblance of a normal life.
Its only when I am really me or I give in to emotion and self expression such as art and writting that I know with certainty how different I really am



AnnabelLee
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24 Sep 2007, 4:29 pm

likedcalico wrote:
I feel the same way about myself. I feel I don't have it but yet have lot of the traits. I was very surprised when I was diagnosed with it. I am flexible at my job, I can talk to people, I can change my routines, I can make alternate routines to avoid anxiety because I couldn't do my usual routine, I do eye contact when I feel comfortable. I don't make things in stone for me because I know I will get upset and get anxiety over it if it doesn't go the way I wanted it.


Oh why can't aspies do the same coping methods I do? :?


No offense, but why should I be forced to change my way of thinking and living to suit others? I hate the "typical" coping strategies, and most don't work for those with more severe forms of AS. That sounds like something a NT would say. You would not insist a cripple learn to dance, would you?


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sarahstilettos
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24 Sep 2007, 4:36 pm

AnnabelLee wrote:
likedcalico wrote:
I feel the same way about myself. I feel I don't have it but yet have lot of the traits. I was very surprised when I was diagnosed with it. I am flexible at my job, I can talk to people, I can change my routines, I can make alternate routines to avoid anxiety because I couldn't do my usual routine, I do eye contact when I feel comfortable. I don't make things in stone for me because I know I will get upset and get anxiety over it if it doesn't go the way I wanted it.


Oh why can't aspies do the same coping methods I do? :?


No offense, but why should I be forced to change my way of thinking and living to suit others? I hate the "typical" coping strategies, and most don't work for those with more severe forms of AS. That sounds like something a NT would say. You would not insist a cripple learn to dance, would you?


Hmmm... There's trying to do things outside your comfort zone, and there's feeling like you have to change parts of you that you just can't. It's a fine line.

Coping strategies are so patronising sometimes. I consider myself an intelligent person, it irritates me that I have to have 'coping methods' to take my keys to work and pay bills.



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24 Sep 2007, 4:42 pm

I would say I have a mild case of Asperger's as does my daughter.

I'm capable of functioning in society, most people would not know I was on the spectrum or my daughter. Our "quirkiness", rigidity to routines, and emotional issues are held in check in public. It's at home that they come out- in our safe environment.

However, I choose not to socialize unless I absolutely have to. It drains me. I'm a loner, reclusive- sticking to my family. I have no interests outside of home and the kids' school and I like it that way.



ToadOfSteel
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24 Sep 2007, 4:46 pm

There are times when I want to go into a stim when I'm in public. My personal stim is flapping both hands behind my head, and it comes out when I'm exceited about something. The way I found to hide it in public is to put both hands behind my head, and recline a bit (as to look like I'm really relaxed and all that...) I must say it's quite effective...



24 Sep 2007, 5:59 pm

AnnabelLee wrote:
likedcalico wrote:
I feel the same way about myself. I feel I don't have it but yet have lot of the traits. I was very surprised when I was diagnosed with it. I am flexible at my job, I can talk to people, I can change my routines, I can make alternate routines to avoid anxiety because I couldn't do my usual routine, I do eye contact when I feel comfortable. I don't make things in stone for me because I know I will get upset and get anxiety over it if it doesn't go the way I wanted it.


Oh why can't aspies do the same coping methods I do? :?


No offense, but why should I be forced to change my way of thinking and living to suit others? I hate the "typical" coping strategies, and most don't work for those with more severe forms of AS. That sounds like something a NT would say. You would not insist a cripple learn to dance, would you?



That's different. It's a pysical (sp) disability. Aspergers is mental and something to cope with, it's not a psyiscal disability. I'm not going to spend the rest of my life wanting special rules just because of my disability and use it as a crutch. That isn't changing your thinking, it's called coping. Is teaching a dyslexic how to read changing their brains? No. Few even outgrow it I heard but I'm sure they keep their gifts.

Ever read Laine Holliday Willey's books? She tells you how to cope in life and how to do small talk, etc. I can see why a few aspies have said they don't like her. Because she wrote out advice to aspies how to cope in the NT world and how to fit in. Even Jerry Newport wrote a book like that too and he even said in his book "This book will piss a lot of you guys off" and he even mentioned lot of us use it as a crutch.

It gets easier and easier as you use coping stratagies. I have been there and I had breakdowns at my last job but it got easier and easier to be flexible instead of being so rigid in my job. I just started to expect I be doing anything there in housekeeping besides laundry and I think on the way home or during work what I am going to do when I get home. I even got used to being interupted what i was doing to do something else. If I get real tired, I will slip back to my old self and have anxiety but I hold it all in me because I don't want to get in trouble. I have even learned to turn off my feelings too (know what I mean).


And PS, I have seen lot of aspies acting like NTs just by the things they say.



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24 Sep 2007, 7:02 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
There are times when I want to go into a stim when I'm in public. My personal stim is flapping both hands behind my head, and it comes out when I'm exceited about something. The way I found to hide it in public is to put both hands behind my head, and recline a bit (as to look like I'm really relaxed and all that...) I must say it's quite effective...


I have a similar hand stim, and I tuck my hands under my arms and cross them to hide it. Basically I do the same thing, and being able to hide that has made all the difference. In elementary school when I still did it, as a 6 and 7 year old, I was teased and it was apparent something was the matter. Now, I'm sure no one suspects anything.



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24 Sep 2007, 7:04 pm

ArcAngel06 wrote:
I am definately borderline.
I think not being diagnosed until really later in life has helped me adapt in a rather sink or swim manner just to survive
I agree. My mom was very meddlesome and pushy - it was negative in many ways. However, it also forced me to learn how to behave mostly normally in social situations. I still don't have a concrete diagnosis, but not having that 'excuse' (I don't mean this offensively...it is a real condition, and it should be respected) to fall back on forced me into adapting in many ways. That's why I'm reluctant to get a diagnosis now. I'd feel better, but I feel like I'd use it as an excuse to not pursue living at college or going onto a powerful job.



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24 Sep 2007, 7:17 pm

I have High-Fuctioning Autism(HFA),but I'm mild. It's so mild,that people will think I have AS at worst,although they do call me "quiet" and "unfriendly".


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24 Sep 2007, 7:17 pm

AnnabelLee wrote:
likedcalico wrote:
I feel the same way about myself. I feel I don't have it but yet have lot of the traits. I was very surprised when I was diagnosed with it. I am flexible at my job, I can talk to people, I can change my routines, I can make alternate routines to avoid anxiety because I couldn't do my usual routine, I do eye contact when I feel comfortable. I don't make things in stone for me because I know I will get upset and get anxiety over it if it doesn't go the way I wanted it.


Oh why can't aspies do the same coping methods I do? :?


No offense, but why should I be forced to change my way of thinking and living to suit others? I hate the "typical" coping strategies, and most don't work for those with more severe forms of AS. That sounds like something a NT would say. You would not insist a cripple learn to dance, would you?


I wouldn't suggest that you change your way of thinking to suit others. However, if you want to be more integrated in society, you're going to have to adapt. If you want to live in their world, you're going to have to learn their ways. When in Rome...(I try incredibly hard to cope, and make my way through life. So far I've got a good job, and decent living arrangements. I'm not trying to live a lie, I am trying to adapt to my current surroundings. It's been going on for zillions of years, and not just by humans...

And no, I wouldn't insist a cripple learn to dance. But if the "cripple" wanted to be on "Dancing with the Stars", then yes, I would suggest she learn to dance. I'm vaguely referring to Heather Mills, who may or may not fit your definition of a "cripple", but she does have only one leg, and she did a hell of a better job at dancing than I could if I had three legs.


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ArcAngel06
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25 Sep 2007, 12:13 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
There are times when I want to go into a stim when I'm in public. My personal stim is flapping both hands behind my head, and it comes out when I'm exceited about something. The way I found to hide it in public is to put both hands behind my head, and recline a bit (as to look like I'm really relaxed and all that...) I must say it's quite effective...



My stim is bizarre. I like to extend both my arms and rotate my wrists and sometimes raise my arms- I give myself mimi stims to cope so as not to look like a complete freak -favorites are spreading and closing my fingers rythmically weirder still I sometimes imagine I am stretching wings and lower and flex my shoulders. I am sure its psychological but it stops me doing the others



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25 Sep 2007, 5:15 am

Yes I know what you mean, I think I have mild AS. I hate looking at peoples eyes its just too much, I make terrible faux pas's, I loathe small talk, I am a loner, I'm obsessive but and here is the but I can read people okay in fact I am very sensitive to the feelings of others its just too strong an antennae but I have massive problems maintaining relationships it feels claustrophobic. I can put on a very social, entertaining facade but then I suck my thumb. Oh I don't know I'm a mixture of very AS and not at all, it gets confusing. I just need to stop analysing it and get on with life!!