Don't want to socialize, but solitude depresses you?

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Ana54
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31 Oct 2007, 10:16 pm

I've often known I'd get really depressed (black-holes-and-thinking-I'm-going-to-literally-die depression) if I don't go out or socialize on WP, but I jsut don't feel like it, and can't bring myself to do it! But I know that if I don't I'll be paying for it later!



Adrie
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31 Oct 2007, 10:32 pm

I know how you feel! Much of the time I don't WANT to socialize, but I think I NEED to socialize to keep a healthy balance in my life, and to avoid depression... It's tough.



deadeyexx
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01 Nov 2007, 8:19 am

I understand what you're saying. When I'm home alone, I feel some kind of pull like I should be out with other people being social and that there's something terribly wrong if I'm not. However, if I decide to get out, that energy seems to fade in practice and I just don't have anything I feel like saying to anyone. Not that I'm afraid of people or anything, but it's like the conversation ends before it begins so there's no point in starting one.

It seems when you're in, u imagine all kinds of things you're missing by not being out, but when you're out, u see it nothing u really wanna be a part of anyway.



serenity
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01 Nov 2007, 8:37 am

When I spend too much time alone I get way more anxious the next time I'm in a social situation. When I'm alone I begin to build myself up. I rehearse conversations, and situations in my head. I get to feeling like I have something valuable to add to society. My self-esteem goes up. But, as soon as I get out of my house, and try to socialize I find that it was all an illusion. Nothing goes the way I thought it would, and my self-esteem plummets. I get really anxious, and I just want to go back home where it's safe. It's a viscous cycle. I have to make myself go out to do things everyday, or I would just sit in my house, and let the depression, and anxiety take over.



OregonBecky
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01 Nov 2007, 11:02 am

My adult aspy son would never see his friends if I and his friend's mothers didn't drive the process. We don't force them to get together. We just let them know that we're arranging for a visit. They're glad that we drive the process. I don't want to pressure my son to figure out his own social life. He has enough on his plate to figure out. He's doing more and more with his life. He's not stagnating so I know he'll become more outgoing eventually.


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kittenfluffies
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01 Nov 2007, 12:56 pm

I have this problem where I want to make friends so badly, and once I finally do, I don't know what to do from there and end up screwing up the friendship because I can't maintain it well.


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OregonBecky
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01 Nov 2007, 1:05 pm

kittenfluffies wrote:
I have this problem where I want to make friends so badly, and once I finally do, I don't know what to do from there and end up screwing up the friendship because I can't maintain it well.


My son doesn't know what to do about having friendships either so I help him. He and his friends appreciate the "play dates" because they're not ready yet to figure out everything.


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crazyllama
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01 Nov 2007, 4:42 pm

The only friends I have left are the ones I have had since childhood. I find it impossible to socialize and make friends.



quirky
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01 Nov 2007, 5:04 pm

deadeyexx wrote:
I understand what you're saying. When I'm home alone, I feel some kind of pull like I should be out with other people being social and that there's something terribly wrong if I'm not...

It seems when you're in, u imagine all kinds of things you're missing by not being out, but when you're out, u see it nothing u really wanna be a part of anyway.


That's my biggest problem right now, as a freshman in college. I get all upset on Friday and Saturday nights because I'm not out partying, but I hate to party. I have made friends here, it's just they're all gone at night on the weekends and I'm the only one in my dorm - then I feel left out of later conversations about etc. It's stressful



Reodor_Felgen
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01 Nov 2007, 5:09 pm

Sometimes I don't want to socialize, even when I'm feeling lonely (e.g. during meltdowns). Other times when I feel lonely, I want contact with other people very much.



protest_the_hero
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19 Jan 2009, 9:56 am

I'm getting so depressed lately that I can't really function and it's f*****g up my schoolwork and everything I do. I don't care anymore how hard it seems, I've got to learn to socialize. I'm not a loner, but I still really need to learn to socialize.
I'd say it's like my next step in personal evolution. And, the fortune cookie said that I'd be successful in life if I made a lot of friends...so I guess I need it for my future career too...



Durp
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19 Jan 2009, 10:06 am

kittenfluffies wrote:
I have this problem where I want to make friends so badly, and once I finally do, I don't know what to do from there and end up screwing up the friendship because I can't maintain it well.


Me too...DX



misslottie
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19 Jan 2009, 10:37 am

oh, absolutly to everything above...
have now lost al the friends ive ever had, and though i dont get 'lonely' i know its bad not to socialize, as it makes me weird and mad.

but seeing people is demanding, and exhausts me...
its an impossible balancing act!



poopylungstuffing
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19 Jan 2009, 11:30 am

I used to go out to bars with no intent of talking to much of anyone...just so that i could be around other people while I read or draw and keep to myself.

i help run a venue, so a lot of people come around (even though we are still shut down)

It is kinda nice having people around. There are even a bunch of WP members who show up.

I only socialize as much as I feel like.

Sometimes I can tend to feel like an outsider in my own home, but it's nothing new.



Last edited by poopylungstuffing on 19 Jan 2009, 11:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

lionesss
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19 Jan 2009, 11:33 am

Yep, like a feeling you are in limbo! No fun.. you get yourself into a situation where you want to socialize but at the same time you desperately want to retreat by yourself. I was like that a lot at parties. I would get excited at first to go to the party but once I was there, I seriously wanted out.



ToughDiamond
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19 Jan 2009, 12:02 pm

I can go for a long time without people, but in the end it still gets me, and then it's like everything I do goes round in ever-decreasing circles, and I have to get out and meet people again.

So I make sure that I'm with people some of the time. Even so there's usually a strange "chimeric" feeling to it, as if whatever happens between us is somehow nothing like as good as it should be. Something inside me can't wait to get away from people, I guess it's fear of making a mistake. I feel better with people I'm very familiar with these days, but even there things can quickly become very wooden and minimal. Still, it's better than days of isolation.

I really think I'm better off limiting my social contact to situations where we have a definite task or purpose to achieve together. I hope I accomplish that kind of thing with a certain amount of warmth, and I think the social stuff that comes from that kind of thing is somehow better quality. I get a lot out of helping to run a small music club, though I don't hang around to make small talk with the others. I guess I don't see the point of "pure" socialising, I mean if there's no common purpose, what's it good for? It's a strange attitude for me to have, preferring to work with people rather than play with them. It'd make more sense if I had a huge work ethic, but I don't, I actually like to "deflate" people who wax too lyrical about the virtues of working hard.