Don't want to socialize, but solitude depresses you?

Page 1 of 3 [ 48 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

ToughDiamond
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,137

19 Jan 2009, 12:02 pm

I can go for a long time without people, but in the end it still gets me, and then it's like everything I do goes round in ever-decreasing circles, and I have to get out and meet people again.

So I make sure that I'm with people some of the time. Even so there's usually a strange "chimeric" feeling to it, as if whatever happens between us is somehow nothing like as good as it should be. Something inside me can't wait to get away from people, I guess it's fear of making a mistake. I feel better with people I'm very familiar with these days, but even there things can quickly become very wooden and minimal. Still, it's better than days of isolation.

I really think I'm better off limiting my social contact to situations where we have a definite task or purpose to achieve together. I hope I accomplish that kind of thing with a certain amount of warmth, and I think the social stuff that comes from that kind of thing is somehow better quality. I get a lot out of helping to run a small music club, though I don't hang around to make small talk with the others. I guess I don't see the point of "pure" socialising, I mean if there's no common purpose, what's it good for? It's a strange attitude for me to have, preferring to work with people rather than play with them. It'd make more sense if I had a huge work ethic, but I don't, I actually like to "deflate" people who wax too lyrical about the virtues of working hard.



Mirror
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 24 Oct 2006
Age: 35
Gender: Female
Posts: 289
Location: Dallas, Texas

19 Jan 2009, 12:21 pm

I miss having friends but I think I'm afraid to make some. So I want to get a ball-jointed doll I've been wanting and pratend its a friend.-_-. But now that I've been taking st. John's wort I don't feel like doing that that much. I guess its because I don't feel that depressed and anxiuse any more! :D I can be normal!


_________________
I'm Ragtime's wife! :V


SamwiseGamgee
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Jan 2009
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,387
Location: Canada

19 Jan 2009, 1:07 pm

Wow, I thought I was alone in this. A lot of the time I'll be sitting around wishing I had someone to hang out with but when the opportunity does arise I often decline unless it's a night of video games or movies with just me and one friend. It also makes me sad when I find out that a few of my friends were hanging out together and didn't invite me but I know I'd probably have said no anyway and by now they know that so they've stopped asking at all, which sucks a little. It's such a conflict that I have with myself and it drives me nuts.



Fo-Rum
Velociraptor
Velociraptor

User avatar

Joined: 21 Sep 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 435

19 Jan 2009, 3:23 pm

Ana54 wrote:
I've often known I'd get really depressed (black-holes-and-thinking-I'm-going-to-literally-die depression) if I don't go out or socialize on WP, but I jsut don't feel like it, and can't bring myself to do it! But I know that if I don't I'll be paying for it later!


Have you ever tried playing online games? You get to "socialize" with people by sharing your experiences with them. It brings up easy and related things to talk about too, before playing, during playing, and after playing. It is easy to get involved into the game, and be "socializing" while you're playing, and not really too involved with the whole social part while doing it.

I've had a regular online gaming friend since I was 15 or so. The one I play with right now, I met when I was 18, and we still enjoy games together all the time. He is in fact my best friend at this moment, and we've even lived under the same roof for about a year. We don't share the same interests for many subjects, but we do share some common gaming interests, so it works pretty well for a friendship.

Of course, it doesn't have to be gaming.. You can just try to find people interested in what you are in general, and sharing those interests. Gaming is just a general idea, since most people find at least one game fun to play!



SpongeBobRocksMao
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Oct 2008
Age: 30
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,774
Location: SpongeBob's Pineapple (England really!)

19 Jan 2009, 3:51 pm

I understand how you feel, I don't like socialising but I feel like making more friends and not staying in the house. It's kinda depressing.


_________________
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
SpongeBobRocksMao!
Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
SpongeBobRocksMao!


Aurore
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,187
Location: Virginia Tech

19 Jan 2009, 3:54 pm

quirky wrote:

That's my biggest problem right now, as a freshman in college. I get all upset on Friday and Saturday nights because I'm not out partying, but I hate to party. I have made friends here, it's just they're all gone at night on the weekends and I'm the only one in my dorm - then I feel left out of later conversations about etc. It's stressful


This is the issue I'm having right now.


_________________
?Evil? No. Cursed?! No. COATED IN CHOCOLATE?! Perhaps. At one time. But NO LONGER.?


Padium
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Dec 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,369

19 Jan 2009, 4:02 pm

Wow, this is my biggest issue, I need social contact, and need it desperatly, but I lack the ability to do it. I hate socializing on a normal NT level, its too burdensome. I do need the social, I just don't know how to get it. Thankfully classes have started and I can get some social by showing up for class early. I also went and joined the anime club.



fullfathomfive
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jan 2009
Age: 53
Gender: Male
Posts: 74
Location: Brisbane, Australia

19 Jan 2009, 4:43 pm

I'm glad it's not just me...

I always feel like I want to be out doing stuff, being social, going to see a band, whatever, but the urge dies under the weight of anxiety and I end up sitting home alone. I do go out and catch up with friends, but it is more one on one and small group settings. I think the anxiety of being caught in a place where I am likely to hit sensory overload or be caught with people that I don't what to say to them plays a big part.

Like others have said though, I have the need to be around people and I get depressed if I am not, but sometimes it all seems like too much of an effort, some days I can't even make the effort to post here or other forums because I wonder if it has any point or any value, but then I have to pull myself together and realise it does make a difference, even if only to me.

john



chasingthesun
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jan 2009
Age: 35
Gender: Male
Posts: 202
Location: NYC

19 Jan 2009, 5:57 pm

poopylungstuffing wrote:
I used to go out to bars with no intent of talking to much of anyone...just so that i could be around other people while I read or draw and keep to myself.

...

Sometimes I can tend to feel like an outsider in my own home, but it's nothing new.


Yeah, when I feel like this I tend to go shopping. Not to shop so much as to be out and around other people, even if I don't directly interact with any of them.

And I also feel like an outsider in my own home. All the time.



fullfathomfive wrote:
I'm glad it's not just me...

I always feel like I want to be out doing stuff, being social, going to see a band, whatever, but the urge dies under the weight of anxiety and I end up sitting home alone. I do go out and catch up with friends, but it is more one on one and small group settings. I think the anxiety of being caught in a place where I am likely to hit sensory overload or be caught with people that I don't what to say to them plays a big part.

Like others have said though, I have the need to be around people and I get depressed if I am not, but sometimes it all seems like too much of an effort, some days I can't even make the effort to post here or other forums because I wonder if it has any point or any value, but then I have to pull myself together and realise it does make a difference, even if only to me.

john


Same. I've actually bought so many concert tickets (and spent a lot of money on them) for shows I just didn't go to because I couldn't handle it.

I enjoy hanging out with friends but I like it to be quiet and easy. I like going to a coffee shop and just sitting there, because I feel like not much is expected of me. When too much is going on I get really anxious.



Danielismyname
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,565

19 Jan 2009, 6:50 pm

Solitude is nice.

Being around nice people is nice too.

Perfectly happy either way.



FerrariMike_40
Pileated woodpecker
Pileated woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 24 Sep 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 187

19 Jan 2009, 7:41 pm

Fo-Rum wrote:
Ana54 wrote:
I've often known I'd get really depressed (black-holes-and-thinking-I'm-going-to-literally-die depression) if I don't go out or socialize on WP, but I jsut don't feel like it, and can't bring myself to do it! But I know that if I don't I'll be paying for it later!


Have you ever tried playing online games? You get to "socialize" with people by sharing your experiences with them. It brings up easy and related things to talk about too, before playing, during playing, and after playing. It is easy to get involved into the game, and be "socializing" while you're playing, and not really too involved with the whole social part while doing it.

I've had a regular online gaming friend since I was 15 or so. The one I play with right now, I met when I was 18, and we still enjoy games together all the time. He is in fact my best friend at this moment, and we've even lived under the same roof for about a year. We don't share the same interests for many subjects, but we do share some common gaming interests, so it works pretty well for a friendship.

Of course, it doesn't have to be gaming.. You can just try to find people interested in what you are in general, and sharing those interests. Gaming is just a general idea, since most people find at least one game fun to play!


Funny you should say this, I'd say most of the socializing I do that isn't at school is through video games. You don't have to make eye contact, you're talking through a common interest so there's not much small talk, and no face reading or body language. I've made friends over online gaming that I play with and talk to regularly.

As nerdy as it sounds, me and my "real life", friends I know at school, spend more time communicating over Xbox Live then face-to-face. Most of the time when me and my friends hang out we are playing video games, cards, a board game, or watching a movie (not at the theater) But usually when I get home I'd rather do something by myself, it doesn't make me depressed at all, in fact I prefer it.


_________________
ADD. HFA. CCCP. SFRY.


pensieve
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 18 Nov 2008
Age: 38
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,204
Location: Sydney, Australia

20 Jan 2009, 12:37 am

I get this too if I go more than 1-2 weeks of not socialising. Sometimes I like being on my own because I'm pretty bad at socialising, but then I start feeling lonely. Just last night I was at a gig on my own and preferred to hang out with a friend. Too bad he checked his phone by the time he was going to bed.



jawbrodt
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 26 Jan 2008
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,766
Location: Eastern USA

20 Jan 2009, 12:51 am

That pretty much describes my situation. I hate to go out socializing, but get depressed rather frequently because I don't. For a long time I tried to tell myself that I didn't need other people, but you can't fool yourself. After a while I had to face the facts....I was depressed because I need to be around others, no matter how painful that might be. So now, periodically, I try to at least make a quick phone call, if nothing else, and that seems to help my mind. It's a constant battle though, and one that I think I am slowly winning. Eventually I'll figure it out..... :wink:


_________________
Those who speak, don't know.

Those who know, don't speak.


Pugly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Jan 2005
Age: 41
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,174
Location: Wisconsin

20 Jan 2009, 12:55 am

I hang out with friends who get me so theirs no pressure in socializing about once a week. That about eats up all my socializing, so I'm content the rest of the week.

Sometimes I want to go out and meet new people and socialize... and not feel like an outsider... but that rarely happens.

I need to become a 'regular' with people before I stop feeling strange socializing. But this takes a bit too much effort for me to handle.

Lately I've been trying to go to bars to do stand-up comedy... and I am starting to get along with the other comedians... but I still feel like a social outcast. It's a strange feeling coming home from a bar full of people yet feeling socially isolated and lonely. Yet when I am with hyper socializing people... I just feel smothered and want to run away.


_________________
Wonder what it feels like to be in love?
How would you describe it, like a push or shove?
Guess I could pretend that this is all I need
Wanting more than what I have might appear as greed.


Lessian
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 24 Aug 2007
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 120
Location: Australia

20 Jan 2009, 5:11 am

I often experience the need to interact with people, but every time I try, I panic and shut down. The entire experience becomes a miserable terror and I cant wait to go home and cry in deep depressive puddle. Even with people who I know, I am completely unable to have or follow conversation and after a short while people learn to not bother trying to talk to me. I get extremely depressive because I am fully aware of what the problem is but am completely unable to do or change anything. I know the lines that are expected of me, but in my startlement (wow, someone is actually talking to me!) they completely go down the loo.
Because of this, I have learned to enjoy solitude to the point where I no longer desire social situations.


_________________
Recollect me darling, raise me to your lips
two undernourished egos, four rotating hips.
Hold on to me tightly I'm a sliding scale
cant endure then you can't inhale


Caveman
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 8 Jan 2009
Age: 67
Gender: Male
Posts: 37
Location: Logan, Qld, Australia

20 Jan 2009, 8:00 am

I can really relate to this. I spend most of my time home by myself but every now & then feel as though I need to go out (usually a pub) in the hope of meeting people. But when I get there, no-one seems to want to talk to me & if there is an opportunity to start a conversation, I can't think of anything to say.

I look around the room & see all these people laughing & enjoying themselves. It makes me feel even worse than I did before. It makes me feel as though there is something seriously wrong with me. Usually I will go home extremely depressed (sometimes suicidal) & wish I hadn't ventured out that night. I might feel lonely at home by myself but often it is nothing compared to the loneliness I have felt in a crowded room.