US threatens Iran over Pluto debacle

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manalitwist
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21 Nov 2007, 12:51 pm

US threatens Iran over Pluto debacle

'Come clean about IAU vote', Dumsfeld warns Ahmadinejad
by Werner von Braun

The US has angrily threatened Iran with a range of punitive measures ranging from a ban of Persian competitors from the forthcoming Mongolian Throat Singing World Cup, held this year in Dallas after Nike agreed to sponsor the event, to precision bombing of its powdered milk factories — traditionally sited next to uranium enrichment plants in a cunning attempt to throw US satellite interpretation operatives.

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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: ConcreteThe cause of America's ire is its suspicion that the Iranians were directly involved in the International Astronomical Union's (IAU) decision earlier this month to demote Pluto from planetary status, redesignating it a "minor planet" orbiting the sun with other space detritus including recently-spotted asteroid WTF36-24-36 — dubbed "Vulnavia" for its uncanny resemblance to Doctor Phibe's well-formed sidekick.

Pluto was the only planet discovered by and American — Clyde Tombaugh — and Ronald Dumsfeld is believed to be in possession of an intelligence dossier indicating that the IAU had been infiltrated by Iranian Super Galactic Republican Guard specialists determined to make the US an international laughing stock by kicking its only body of note out of the solar system.

"I'm warning Iran to come clean about IAU vote," Dumsfeld warned Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad — dubbed "Moud the Hod" by close friends for his habit of dressing like a Tehran brickie's labourer.

Ahmadinejad's reaction was predictable enough. Barely pausing from his travails at the cement mixer, and fag hanging from his sneering lips, he immediately launched into a heated explanation that, according to the IAU's Resolution 5A, Pluto had lost its planetary status principally because it had "not not cleared the neighbourhood around its orbit". He then threw down his shovel and insisted that Iran would adopt an eight-planet system whether the Great Satan liked it or not.

The IAU, meanwhile, attempted to pour oil on troubled water by assuring the US that the vote had been "strictly democratic and scientific". A spokesman told The Rockall Times: "In fact, the Iranian participants spent most of their time in the hotel bar trying to buy red mercury from the Russian contingent. The only time they put in an appearance in the Pluto debate was to deride the infidels' decision to name it after a cartoon dog. Apart from that, and a small scuffle with the representative of the Kyrgykstan Astronomical Union over whether Islamic scholars were the best authority to rule on the existence or otherwise of dark matter, they were as good as gold."

In the US, however, there has been a groundswell of popular support for punitive action. "I'm with Donnie on this one," said one 20-stone woman nervously oiling her semi-automatic rifle outside her fortified Montana cabin. "It's like that Commie domino effect. Once the eye-ranians get their hands on a bit of US space territory, it'll be ragheads swarming all over the solar system. It's all very well for the Limeys and the cheese-eating surrender monkeys to say we're overreacting, but when the Ayatollahs have got their dirty hands on Neptune, let's see who's right."

We rang the office of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad this morning for further comment, but a helpful secretary mumbled through her burqa: "Sorry, he's out burying some adultress in concrete. Can you ring back at lunchtime?"
Previously


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Kalister1
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21 Nov 2007, 1:51 pm

Bring back Pluto! Bring back Pluto!



Coyote27
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21 Nov 2007, 3:05 pm

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sluice
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21 Nov 2007, 3:15 pm

Pluto, you little dirty ice ball, I love ya.



Quirk
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21 Nov 2007, 4:04 pm

Iranian president Mahmud Ahmadinejad calls President Bush and tells him,
"George, I had a wonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole
beautiful country, and on each house I saw a banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Bush asks. Mahmud replies, "UNITED
STATES
OF IRAN."

Bush says, "You know, Mahmud, I am really happy you called, because believe
it or not, last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Tehran, and
it was more beautiful than ever, and on each house flew an enormous
banner."

"What did it say on the banners?" Mahmud asks.

Bush replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."


OOOOOHHHHHHH!! !! !! !


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Plutonian_Persona
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21 Nov 2007, 4:32 pm

PLUTO IS A PLANET, NOT A DWARF!! ! :wink:


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DejaQ
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21 Nov 2007, 4:48 pm

manalitwist wrote:
'Come clean about IAU vote', Dumsfeld warns Ahmadinejad
by Werner von Braun


"Once rockets are up, who cares where they come down?
That's not my department," says Wehrner von Braun.



Quatermass
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21 Nov 2007, 5:09 pm

manalitwist, this should either go in the news section or the PPR forum. I'll be charitable and move it to the news forum.


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manalitwist
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21 Nov 2007, 7:01 pm

Quatermass wrote:
manalitwist, this should either go in the news section or the PPR forum. I'll be charitable and move it to the news forum.


Which world are you living in, have you read it? :lol:


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manalitwist
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21 Nov 2007, 7:04 pm

off the wall it should be moved to..


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BazzaMcKenzie
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21 Nov 2007, 8:10 pm

you know what really surprises me, Texas hosting a "Mongolian Throat Singing World Cup" sponsored by Nike.

What's going on there 8O


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Last edited by BazzaMcKenzie on 21 Nov 2007, 8:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.

manalitwist
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21 Nov 2007, 8:15 pm

All i know is that the usa bombed Iraqs baby milk factory and pretended it was chemicals. Eat your heart out nazi germany i mean usa. :wink:


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BazzaMcKenzie
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21 Nov 2007, 8:24 pm

www.austrade.gov.au wrote:
In the livestock sector, Iran has a large poultry and dairy industry and imports close to two million tonnes of feed grain annually.


Opportunities in the dairy sector are limited, but there are possibilities for export in the areas of processing, production, packaging and storage of all dairy products.

I never realised Iran had a large dairy industry.


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Averick
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21 Nov 2007, 8:24 pm

What are the cosmotoligist' gonna do if pluto is voided as a planet?



BazzaMcKenzie
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21 Nov 2007, 8:30 pm

^^^ there are no Trekkies in Iran. Obviously its a plot to upset American Trekkies. :roll:


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manalitwist
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21 Nov 2007, 8:35 pm

Hands up any yanks who believed the article was for real :lol:


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