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Rynessa
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27 Nov 2007, 9:35 pm

My apologies if I'm not spelling it correctly.
I think my mom may have Alzheimer's. Several other members of our family have expressed this concern to me, as well. They have also tried to politely suggest it to her, but she is very defensive and thinks she is fine. She and my father live by themselves, and so far my dad is not acknowledging the problem. This can not continue forever. She is getting worse, and I'm starting to worry that an accident might happen. My dad is a traditional guy who doesn't shop, cook, or pay bills. Their refrigerator doesn't have as much food as it used to, even though my mom always seems to be driving to the store. Yes, driving. Another problem.
Anyway, I would like to hear from anyone who has experience dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer's or dementia. I know I could be posting this on an Alzheimer's site, and maybe I will, but I wanted to post it here as well. This is a situation which may require interpersonal skills I do not have.



KimJ
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29 Nov 2007, 12:16 am

I don't have any close family members with Alzheimer's. I did work in nursing homes with many Alzheimer patients. Your mom should be checked out. If her physician is just as old as her, you may need to take her elsewhere. I have heard of cases where elderly people are on too many drugs and they interact with each other, producing a poor neurological status. She may have other health problems that cause her to forget, black out, be depressed, or have "failure to thrive". An old family doctor may or may not see these issues.
I know an elderly couple that had an old geezer doctor. The husband had Alzheimer's and the doctor was so close to them that he failed to recognize and test for it. The husband became physically abusive to his wife. A more objective opinion could have helped them earlier.

Another thing, if your mom has enough lucid moments. Try to find out what she wishes for. Maybe they want to self-destruct. That's their right to do. Can your dad learn to shop and cook?

There are options for early onset Alzheimer's. Stocking the house with microwave food or getting Meals on Wheels. Training dad to take care of her. Getting power of attorney to sign bills if they won't. They need to be told the consequences of your mom's forgetfulness.



Beenthere
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29 Nov 2007, 9:31 am

Your father probably sees it but he's denying that their might be a problem. If you can get her to have a good checkup that would be a start, make sure their isn't anything else that could be causing her current problems.

The reality didn't really hit my grandfather until he got a call from the neighbor one morning...my grandmother had walked over to the neighbors in bare feet and her nightgown in the middle of winter, very upset because she said there was a strange man in her house. The "strange man" turned out to be my grandfather. :(

If it is Alzheimer's unfortunately the episodes WILL come where he will be unable to deny it any longer. Maybe you can make shopping arrangements with your mom for certain times of the week if possible, or talk him in to at least helping her with that somehow. The driving is a worry I'm sure, my grandmother never learned how to drive so that was never an issue here. Maybe if you can get her to go for a checkup and have the Dr. talk to your dad?

My grandfather was the "traditional guy type" too...except he like to do the shopping, and go downtown to pay the bills and shoot the breeze. But he was amazing with my grandmother, and he insisted on taking care of her and he did so excellently, my mother and her sister pitched in also, especially before my grandmother passed away. I tried to do what I could, I was one of the first people my grandmother no longer recognized, because I guess we were never extremely close since I grew up for the most part out of state... it's hard. :(

I'm probably not a whole lot of help, I didn't deal with this in the sense as much as my mother did, but if you need to talk feel free to do so.


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Rynessa
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03 Dec 2007, 9:09 pm

Thank you KimJ and Beenthere,
I guess the biggest obstacle right now is that my mom is VERY defensive and has always been very independent and the "boss" of everyone. She has completely rejected subtle suggestions from me (and not-subtle suggestions from other family members) that she has a memory problem which needs to be checked out. If I pursue the subject, it will only make her angry and upset. She also has very low energy, but I don't know it it's related or not.
She sees her doctor every three months, but he wouldn't notice if she showed up missing an arm. He just takes her blood pressure and whatnot and sends her on her way. I don't think he cares about anything but collecting his fee :roll: She even left her coat there last time, and nothing was said.



Beenthere
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03 Dec 2007, 11:03 pm

Quote:
She also has very low energy, but I don't know it it's related or not.


I understand your dilemma. Just a thought...see if you can't at least talk her into getting her iron/B12 levels checked, and a good thyroid check...anemia WILL definitively cause memory loss and confusion to some degree, especially noticable on the days you're trying to do too much. I think thyroid can as well.

The anemia I can testify about first-hand...I had days I couldn't remember my own phone number or much else for that matter.


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KimJ
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05 Dec 2007, 7:37 pm

Talk with your other family members and decide how confrontational y'all want to be. You can give her an ultimatum type of talk, "If you neglect this and get hurt, you will lose your independence". But you may be talking to a brick wall.
It's too bad because if it is her health (the suggestions we've made) and not Alzheimer's, how sad that would be if she is just letting that happened.



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06 Dec 2007, 1:47 am

My mother had Parkinson's and cancer, and my father was nuts. The MD refused to say he was incompetent to drive until three months before he died, and there was nothing that we could do (they lived in a Deep-South state - individual rights). Nobody, even social services (such that they were) could enter his home. He lived alone for months at a time while mom was in the hospital for broken bones and pneumonia, and he did unbelievable things that only a truly demented person would do. He was totally paranoid. He wouldn't let us in, either. They were in their 80s when they died. If the state your mom lives in allows you to have influence, then all you children should band together with the help of a caring doctor.

I'm posting a link that might help a little:

http://www.caringtoday.com/put-ideas-in ... nt-says-no

Good luck.

YC



Rynessa
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07 Dec 2007, 12:41 pm

Thanks everybody,
I did manage to casually bring up the subject of vitamin B to her, and I told her about the effects of not getting enough. She actually said "I need some of that" so maybe she'll get some vitamins. Probably not, though. She has multivitamins but she told me she doesn't always take them. That could mean she takes one every few days, or it could mean she hasn't touched them in months.
If she's anemic, I assume iron supplements will help? If there is such a thing.
Maybe I could tell my dad to make sure she takes her vitamins. It's a small thing, but at least it's SOMETHING.



YowlingCat
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07 Dec 2007, 3:53 pm

Tell her about B12 shots, that they're much more effective, and see if she'll go to the doctor for that. If so, let her doctor know your concerns, and he can check her out without making a big deal. She'll get her B12 shot, which can be arranged to be given on a regular basis, and get a regular evaluation.