I Can't Stand NTs!

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To all the NTs that are on WP, I apologize in advance for generalizing. But my bad experiences regarding non-autistic people are steadily getting rather redundant. This all sums up most all my dealings with NTs, particularly guys when it comes to trying to make friends. I do all the work and they do squat.

I have been making a rare effort to become a friend to a guy in one of my classes. We often talk, walk across campus together or whatever. I oftentimes suggested we just hang out after class or during my off days. Nope, no can do. He was either having dinner with his Chinese room mate or with a girl from France. Or he "had other plans" or "had to study/do a paper/finish a homework assignment". I was understanding since I myself was busy with school and work . So I figured at the end of the semester, we would both have more flexible schedules.

So today, class was unexpectedly canceled which meant free time. So I asked him if he wanted to hang out. Oh no, he says he's talking to his brother on the Internet and will stay online...for the whole time. Then Tuesday, while me, him and another girl were walking together, he invites this girl to hang with him on Wednesday....right in front of me. Did I mention when it comes to other people, he seems to find the time to go to football games, shopping, Beale Street or whatever? I then asked him did he have a problem with being around me and he sits up and says he doesn't want to get attached to people while he's here in the U.S. (he's a foreign student). But he doesn't seem to worry about getting attached to other Americans since he's going to visit his online friend in Houston for Christmas and hangs out with other people. What the f*ck's up with that?

I told him I didn't have time for friendships in which the person claimed to be my friend but didn't want to be around me. He said that the class we were in together is ending next week and after that, we will never see each other again. I told him that was point of hanging out, to be around even after the class has ended. Have I truly gone through some kind of Twilight Zone where people claim they're your friend yet don't make an effort to see you again? WTF?

He doesn't want to be close friends. You're not the only person he feels that way about or everybody on campus would be his friend except you. Including the administrators, custodians, teachers and the albino squirrel(s). You tried. You were nice. He's not interested. Someone else will be, but it may take a few tries to find them. They'll be worth it. Meanwhile, he really handled that badly. What is he, eight years old?

I've had many experiences like this, regrettably - "friends" who seem to be able to make time to do stuff with everyone else, but I always get brushed off. Not always NTs either. I'm wondered a lot at the cause - do I seem too needy? Too much a push-over? Too much a "low maintenance" person, so they think they don't need to afford me the same respect and effort they show others? Is it because they feel less a connection with me than with others?

Well, I don't have a lot advice how to overcome this problem. I'm still working that one out too. But I think standing up for yourself, making the "friend" aware of how they are treating you and making it clear it's not acceptable is the first step. I mean, if you don't respect yourself, everyone else will use that as an excuse not to respect you either.

Sounds like a brush off to me. It reads as a polite "i dont want to hurt your feelings but please go away". Although i can be very pessimistic about such things, maybe im wrong.

Its actually how most people would handle this situation . Sorry, your being introduced to the intricate world of social manipulation,. Most people would get the hint; people with AS can't. He was trying really hard to let you know he does not want to hang out, but without hurting your feelings. Sorry.

I understand your frustration but you don't state when or if he called you "friend". You say that you tried to become a friend. And it's clear that he wanted you to see that he was rejecting you. It's about as straightforward as an NT can get.

A good rule of thumb is if you make the first move and invite someone and they decline, it's up to them to then invite you when the opportunity arises. Someone who sincerely declines because of plans, but still likes you, will invite as soon as they can. Unless they also have social skills deficits. Perhaps, leaving an open invitation to call, email or meet in a public place would be a non-threatening way to find out if someone is willing to "meet you half way".

Without knowing the guy but going by clues:
1)he may have thought you had a crush on him
2)he may have thought you were too forward for a girl
3)your repeated invitations may have seemed too persistent

These are possible reasons why he may have kept declining.

almost all my friends do this, I ask them if they want to hang out and say "oh im so busy" then on monday they will say how much fun they had with their other friend. It makes me have homicidal feelings for them.

nirrti_rachelle, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I have no advice, because it happens to me too, and it drives me nuts!

I don't hate NTs, but I do hate the social network/hierarchy crap and all the subtle cues that I'm supposed to decode. So on that score, I can relate.

I think it's about not making enemies. wish I was better at that.