How do I stop replaying negative memories in my head?

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TheRani
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15 Dec 2007, 7:42 pm

When I'm really hung up on a past mistake I made, or some other negative memory, I think about what would have happened differently if I were able to somehow go back in time and prevent it from happening, and I make myself list the good things that it would have prevented as a side-effect.

Example: I wish I hadn't gone to college. It was a big waste of many thousands of dollars and several years of my life, and put me in severe debt for 10 years, and it didn't even help me get a good job!

If I went back in time and warned myself against going to college, I would have missed out on learning a lot of really cool things, and I wouldn't have worked at the place where I met my current best friend, and I wouldn't have mastered Street Fighter II and Marvel Super Heroes at the arcade in the student union, and I wouldn't have met those interesting people who played Magic: the Gathering and RPGs with me, and I wouldn't have played all those cool computer games in the computer lab, and read all those good books in the university library, and it's entirely possible that I still would not have ended up with a good job anyway. And people would have probably thought me insane for making important decisions about my future based upon an alleged encounter with my future self..


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Khalaris
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15 Dec 2007, 7:46 pm

:D Yeah, and besides, setting up a paradox really wouldn't be good 8)



poopylungstuffing
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15 Dec 2007, 8:38 pm

I am having this very problem...I am suffering from guilt over something comparatively small (in the great scheme of things) that I did over 6 years ago....somehow it managed to dreg itsself up...and um...I bloody can't stop thinking about it.... :?

I have done worse things that have not haunted me as much...so i don't know why this stupid thing does....

I tell myself that people do far worse all over the world every day....and I have forgiven people who have done far worse than this to me....so why can't I forgive myself?....

but somehow the message does not seem to sink in.....

I suck.....



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15 Dec 2007, 8:52 pm

At least it is not just me, anyway. There is some useful stuff on here. One that works for me is the journal. When you feel a bad memory coming round, or a thought that just will not leave, writing it down, releasing it, makes more space in your head. Well, it does in my head. I feel better after I have written 9 pages in my journal, almost peaceful. As soon as something else comes in, write it down. My friend suggested it to me, and it works. Like everything that bothers you, you need to find the one practise that works for you, just going by theory will not help you.


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15 Dec 2007, 10:06 pm

I was thinking about this today and recalling the thoughts that ran through my head in childhood (like 20 years back I still know what I was thinking).

You response was brief and it caused me to think "what if she meant..."

Well, I see that I can't find the words to explain so I'll senario:

If someone else tells you you should forget, no matter how trivial or enormous the topic at hand. How do you make your self forget something that you've experienced-AFTER someone locks it to your perception by saying so?

If you think about it, in this aspect of the world most things would likely fade if our attention was not relocked on them.

In that case, if the case, where you are to forget not because it would be a natural thing for you to do but that a secondary outside source has attempted to tell you what your brain should do- I don't know. That is usually when I remember the best.

(sorry if off topic)


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pakled
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15 Dec 2007, 11:41 pm

oh boy do I have that..;) My earliest memory (about age 3) is getting in trouble.

What I've done (with varying degrees of success), is to imagine the same thing happening to someone else, objectifying it if you will. How bad would it be if someone else did it (thought it, or whatever)

Another thing is (and how trite this sounds) is to forgive yourself. Frankly (don't mean to sound mean) but some of this stuff that happened, you (and I) are the only ones who even remember it!



Another thing is to just look at it as a lesson learned (yeah, I @#$'d up, but I know I won't do that again).

It doesn't always work; I have some things I still get morose about. But with time, they fade in intensity. Don't know if this helps, but hope it did



liquidcrayons
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15 Dec 2007, 11:42 pm

I must admit I thought I was the only one who did this. I replay everything in my head over and over again. I don't know how to shut it off. And yes people always tell me don't think about it but its not simple. Sometimes the memories are so vivid they make me cry or make me as anger as the first time it happen. It can be frustrating to deal with and it sometimes ruin my whole day. I wish I knew how to turn it off.



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16 Dec 2007, 2:02 am

You have to ask your mind to do something else entirely. Fighting off the bad thoughts actually does work.

Decide for yourself what to think about and how you want to go about thinking about it.



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16 Dec 2007, 2:25 am

liquidcrayons wrote:
I must admit I thought I was the only one who did this. I replay everything in my head over and over again. I don't know how to shut it off. And yes people always tell me don't think about it but its not simple. Sometimes the memories are so vivid they make me cry or make me as anger as the first time it happen. It can be frustrating to deal with and it sometimes ruin my whole day. I wish I knew how to turn it off.


Read my suggestion on page one.... maybe it'll help.



sojournertruth
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16 Dec 2007, 3:05 am

As Siuan mentioned, this could be a symptom of PTSD and not just OCD. I had something similar for a while - I called the memories 'ghosts' because it was like being haunted. I didn't want to tell anyone because I didn't want to polute someone else's mind with the same parasitic thoughts that were driving me nuts. The only thing that finally helped (this was at the point where I was thinking about the unwanted memories probably 70-80% of the time) was finding someone who had similar experiences to talk to, because my talking to them wouldn't damage them any worse than they already were damaged.

Talking was like opening the door to my head and letting the ghosts fly out. It might not help everyone, or help in every situation, but it was sanity-saving for me. Now I can look back on the memories when I need to, but not be controlled by them.



Ahaseurus2000
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16 Dec 2007, 3:40 am

Unknown_Quantity wrote:
I've had this problem a lot. I'd replay embarrassing or shameful experiences from childhood over and over again. As my depression lessened, so did the memories. Now they hardly pop into my head.

What I did find is that when I tried to desensitise myself to a memory in particular, I'd dull its impact on my feelings after that.

...

Sometimes, the best way to get over pain, is to just close your eyes and feel it, really listen to it and then let it pass on by. It works for me with injections/blood tests too. Maybe I'm just weird that way.
:lol:


This is true for all people. It's also a technique used in some forms of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT for short). Emotions can follow a cyclic pattern, such that for one period you're fine and dandy, but for an equal period you feel low and melancholic. Also unwanted/unpleasant situations can "trigger" the negative memories.

It can be a symptom of anxiety disorders, depression, OCD, even a residual sense of inadequacy. CBT can help with all these. sojournertruth's mention of "Talking to the right person" being effective, is true, and is like Freud's "talking cure".

I get these memories too. I remind myself that for me, they're a reaction to what's happening here and now, and a part of the cycle. Therefore, they will pass away as life goes on. It is Human.



Amarantha
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17 Dec 2007, 10:27 pm

Mw99 wrote:
I think one of the biggest problem in my life right now is this habit of mine of unwillingly replaying negative memories in my head to the point of obsession.

...

This is the part a lot of people don't get: I cannot make the memories go away. They are intrusive. They come uninvited into my brain

....

How do I stop this problem?



When this happens to me, it's a sign of incoming depression. I get mild seasonal depression, and by the end of winter, I start to get the negative thoughts a lot. If you have some sort of depression, you can maybe work out what causes it and how to avoid/remedy it. For me, as much sunlight or other bright light as I can get, and if I can't get any, anything I can think of that'll cheer me up.

YMMV, good luck :)



Mw99
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18 Dec 2007, 8:27 pm

Amarantha wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
I think one of the biggest problem in my life right now is this habit of mine of unwillingly replaying negative memories in my head to the point of obsession.

...

This is the part a lot of people don't get: I cannot make the memories go away. They are intrusive. They come uninvited into my brain

....

How do I stop this problem?



When this happens to me, it's a sign of incoming depression. I get mild seasonal depression, and by the end of winter, I start to get the negative thoughts a lot. If you have some sort of depression, you can maybe work out what causes it and how to avoid/remedy it. For me, as much sunlight or other bright light as I can get, and if I can't get any, anything I can think of that'll cheer me up.

YMMV, good luck :)


I think the summer depresses me because that's when people go outside to have fun; meanwhile, I stay at home surfing the internet.



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19 Dec 2007, 9:32 am

Unlike some others, I do not think what you are going through has a psychological explanation. I get the same way when I am in a meltdown. Basically random selections from the worst memories of the past will come to the fore to torment me. In many instances it is impossible to find any environmental triggers for such events. They come and they go it seems entirely on their own volition. It could be that the part of the brain which stores and processes such memories (probably the more 'primitive' areas) periodically malfunctions and instead of keeping them in deep storage, forces the aspie/autie to relive the experience. It is similar to schizophrenia; except that voices are not heard, it is the gut wrenching memories that intrude. The term that has been coined is "running mind"; or at least this is my definition of running mind.

Getting good quality sleep is perhaps the best way to stop the mind from going through these endless loops. When I sleep well the running mind problem does not occur or if it happens the effects are mild and within conscious control. There is a thread I started on melatonin which you can find by doing a search. I have found that taking 1-2 mg of melatonin pushes me in REM sleep consistently and that helps to forestall the problem. Calisthenics have also helped and meditation may also be useful.

Mw99 wrote:
I think one of the biggest problem in my life right now is this habit of mine of unwillingly replaying negative memories in my head to the point of obsession. I can't really ask anyone for help with this problem, because they'll look at me with a smirk on their faces and with a sarcastic tone of voice tell me that I need to force myself to think about something else. And I sit there trying to be polite while I'm thinking "Wow, you ret*ds, I never would have thought of that solution on my own!"

This is the part a lot of people don't get: I cannot make the memories go away. They are intrusive. They come uninvited into my brain.

Just a while ago, I was replaying the memory of this person who used to laugh at me back in school. I remember him laughing at me, and I feel the pain I felt back then. Then I go on and on thinking about hypothetical scenarios and things I could have done or said differently. Sometimes when I am thinking about witty comebacks I should have came up with, I end up unconsciously saying those things out loud, as if talking to myself. Luckily, as far as I know, I still haven't done it in public. It would be extremely embarrassing if that ever happened.

I know some of you are probably thinking I'll get over those memories, but that's precisely what I thought when the events depicted in those memories occurred many years ago. Each day it's a different set of negative memories that won't go away.

How do I stop this problem?



Jayutimestwo
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28 Dec 2007, 6:05 am

I have the same problem. Talking about it makes it worse because it amplifies the memory. Writing about it is not as bad as talking but is still counter-productive. Distracting myself doesn't work. Interspersing the memory with random humour doesn't work. Imagining what I wish had happened makes me feel worse about what did happen and agonise about what a total loser I am for not thinking of it at the time. Any alternative solutions would be appreciated - these memories sometimes completely hijack my life.



Jamie06
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28 Dec 2007, 8:42 am

This is my problem at the moment... and it's just a build up of everything.