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Sedaka
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18 Dec 2007, 4:20 pm

from a ~2yr crush.......

I work with the guy... but limit my interaction as much as possible.

But it just kills me to know he doesn't care. I'm so obsessive... when i get upset over this (which is seriously at least once a week-fullblown meltdown) i have a good cry, i rock and pace, can't eat and lose sleep...

I just can't make myself stop thinking of him. I hate how lame I am. This is the same sort of reason it took me several years to get out of some bad relationships. Even then, the only thing that gave me courage to get out was the fact I was at a transitional point in life and could just move away from them... But I have about 5 more yrs in this place... with him.

I've tried dating other people just to simply give myself something to do... but i just feel repulsed physically and mentally... I know I should keep trying, but it just really adds to the depression.

I don't know why I can't stop liking him.

I guess I've always hoped that people could change.

It's a hard hope to give up.


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Ragtime
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18 Dec 2007, 4:41 pm

Sedaka wrote:
from a ~2yr crush.......

I work with the guy... but limit my interaction as much as possible.

But it just kills me to know he doesn't care. I'm so obsessive... when i get upset over this (which is seriously at least once a week-fullblown meltdown) i have a good cry, i rock and pace, can't eat and lose sleep...

I just can't make myself stop thinking of him. I hate how lame I am. This is the same sort of reason it took me several years to get out of some bad relationships. Even then, the only thing that gave me courage to get out was the fact I was at a transitional point in life and could just move away from them... But I have about 5 more yrs in this place... with him.

I've tried dating other people just to simply give myself something to do... but i just feel repulsed physically and mentally... I know I should keep trying, but it just really adds to the depression.

I don't know why I can't stop liking him.

I guess I've always hoped that people could change.

It's a hard hope to give up.


Can you put into words why you like him so much?


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JerryHatake
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18 Dec 2007, 4:42 pm

I know how you feel.

I been in similar situations but I got help and got over it.

Just let true love find you, Sedaka.


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18 Dec 2007, 4:58 pm

Gaaaa, people fixations are a b***h.

My advice:

A Blog Entry Written On February 20th wrote:
When you eat chocolate, your brain releases a chemical that makes you feel all happy and chipper and calm. When you are either in love or limerence, your brain releases the same damn chemical.

So, this year's brand new way of not falling in limerence: eat a lot of chocolate.

Past methods (most of which are just as unhealthy):
-Try to look at the person in a different light, focusing on their bad points.
-If you have AS or OCD, then you're especially prone to none of it working. You may want to consider Cognitive Therapy to reduce that obsessive thought.
-Intentionally piss the person off so whenever you think about them you feel guilty, so you associate guilt with them. Guilt replaces any feelings of limerence, but the problem is since you pissed the person off they won't want to just be friends with you anyway.
-An alternative method, if you're particularly masochistic: if you cut yourself, think of who you're obsessed with when you do it. If this works out right (though it probably won't), then you'll associate the pain with them, and may be able to get over them through that. And if it doesn't work, then at least you have scars to brag about to your friends, and they'll smother you with the kind of attention a poor bastard like you needs.
-Creep them out (intentionally or unintentionally) so they avoid you like hell and there's no chance for anything to develop. No chance = less likelyhood of limerence.
-Suffah in silence, suckah, and whenever it gets bad, write a restricted blog entry. Make it sound as emo as possible. (Trust me, this helps.) Maybe put on some depressing music.
-Lie to yourself. A LOT. Manipulate the living s**t out of your brain by telling it that it doesn't care. This takes a while but it can get you in denial for about a month. So be careful when you use it. Like, do it when finals are about to start, because it's a b***h to realize that you were in denial right when you're trying to memorize the convoluted composition of some rock.
-Tell yourself, "Dude, there is NO f*****g HOPE! GET OVER IT! JESUS f*****g CHRIST, YOU ARE PATHETIC!" Make yourself cry if you can manage. Again, strictly for masochists.
-Kill them. Er...actually, don't. That's just wrong.
-Identify what attracts you about them and analyze the living s**t out of it. For example, if you envy something about them, do everything you can to attain that quality for yourself--IN yourself. Not in another person. If they're independent, and you like that, become independent. If they're confident, become confident. Compassionate, become compassionate.
-NEVERNEVERNEVERNEVERNEVERNEVERNEVER see them. EVER. Avoid them as much as you possibly can. Don't even look at them for a brief second at school if possible, because even a brief second can make you go "Oh gawrsh..." and you're back in lovey dovey mode all over again!
-Stop masturbating to thoughts of them, you perverted f**k!
-Meet new people. Preferably ones that actually like you back.

And finally, my latest method: invent a dream girl that's SO INCREDIBLY AWESOME AND DROOLWORTHY that nobody real could ever possibly match up. Your limerent object will positively pale in comparison. Unfortunately, so will everyone else, and let's face it, you're never going to meet anyone as incredible as the person in your head. And if you did, (s)he probably would be taken, or wouldn't like you, or you two wouldn't work together as much as you think. Sorry, but it's kinda hopeless. But...that's beside the point. The point is, you're over your limerent object, right? Use this only if you want to grow up to be a bitter old person who dies alone.

And what if you've tried everything and none of it works?

....BLAME DISNEY!


XD I doubt any of that helps but I hope it made you laugh.



Ioini
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18 Dec 2007, 8:05 pm

I have fixations on certain one-nighters and it's killing me to but I try to concentrate on other things to try and forget them. It's either that or beating your head with a rubber mallet.



ToadOfSteel
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18 Dec 2007, 9:02 pm

I had a fixation on a particular woman for three years of high school (after she had turned me down), and the traumatic (at the time) event of rejection actually sent me into depression during those three years... the only thing that changed that was when I found out that she held the exact opposite political views as me...



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19 Dec 2007, 3:04 am

Ahhhhhh... just popped open a nice cold one... a 7Up that is :wink:

Veresae,
I've tried several of the things you wrote in your blog... not working :(

Sedaka,
First, I can't believe how brave you are to go out and date... WOW.
I can't even begin to imagine myself doing that.

Wish I could tell you how to change your heart... I can't even change mine.

I've had a 'crush' on a woman for five years but never did anything about it because I was married.
Not too long ago, during the final throes of my divorce, I told her how I felt about her... well.. sorta.
From what I remember, I stumbled really badly trying to tell her... she got the idea, but does not feel the same in the least bit.

I see she even came here once and spoke of the incident.
Reading that really opened my eyes.
I saw her today at work (I was dropping off something) and I said hello... she said hi... that was about it.
I'm positive she has AS, so I sometimes have a hard time understanding if her silence/distance towards me is because of that, or because I freaked her out so much when I was trying to tell her how much I cared about her and another incident concerning something else.

I suppose the lucky thing is that we work the same shift but it's a one-person shift, so we don't work on the same nights.

She's still on my mind. She's beautiful, smart, funny, and has a good heart. I know this from 5 years of watching her, talking to her, etc.

Today after I left work, I felt bad that I didn't try to say more to her... but she doesn't like small talk so that wouldn't have made her happy.
I also wanted to wish her a happy holiday like I did to everyone else, but I know she's not crazy about the holidays...
at least she's said so before.
I felt like she might think I'm not interested in her anymore and don't like her... but I do.
It's hard to get these thoughts, these feelings out of my mind.
I want her to be happy.. and maybe she is... but I wonder sometimes about it.
I want to hold her, snuggle with her, and just be around her and feel happy.

Knowing what I do know today, this is one dream that just won't come true.
That makes me really sad at times, but I know I'll have to move on someday.

She may move out of the area before I ever do, and when she does I will have a very strong aching in my heart for her.
It'll be another one of those pains in my heart, in my life, that I will carry with me... I guess I just have to face the facts somehow.

I do hope you can find peace over your crush/relationship with this other person.
But I know for myself how hard it is.
Sounds like the same thing for you.

Take care Sedaka


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Sedaka
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19 Dec 2007, 8:57 pm

thanks for all the kind words and pms.

i dont pretend there's one person for anyone... but it's still too rare to pass up. least i know i have a heart i guess.


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techstepgenr8tion
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19 Dec 2007, 11:10 pm

Sedaka, you need some healthy outlet for that - art, music, some type of sport or activity, something you can channel that into instead of him.

Keep reminding also that for the thousands and thousands of interactions you've had over two years and the myriad of people who've come and gone, he's only had that much worth because something in you has hooked itself to the wrong kind of dream. That and he's just one of many people who could make you happy if he was in fact interested, why waste ten who would like you and give you the attention you deserve pass you by in another two years? None of us are really getting younger and we have to remember that when that feeling kicks up.



zee
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20 Dec 2007, 12:13 am

Sedaka wrote:
thanks for all the kind words and pms.

i dont pretend there's one person for anyone... but it's still too rare to pass up. least i know i have a heart i guess.


I also had a guy like that in my life... it's been about 3 years now, but I'm pretty much over him. I started making more of an effort to talk to him, hoping that he would become interested in me. But in doing so, I got to know him a bit better, and then I started to realize that he wasn't who I thought he was. For one thing, he's kind of self-concious and a bit immature.
Maybe the same thing could happen to you?



Ragtime
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21 Dec 2007, 5:03 pm

Sedaka wrote:
thanks for all the kind words and pms.


You're welcome... but I've never actually been thanked for PMS before. :?









:lmao:


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Gamester
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21 Dec 2007, 5:42 pm

Ragtime wrote:
Sedaka wrote:
thanks for all the kind words and pms.


You're welcome... but I've never actually been thanked for PMS before. :?









:lmao:



Neither have I.

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

Oh boy, Rags, that gave me a good laugh.


Sedaka, I know how you feel. Trust me. Miracles happen. I should know. I perfer being single though.


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wsmac
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21 Dec 2007, 5:45 pm

Ragtime wrote:
Sedaka wrote:
thanks for all the kind words and pms.


You're welcome... but I've never actually been thanked for PMS before. :?









:lmao:


SO YOU'RE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE! :evil: 6 yrs with a woman who said all her anger, the plates of food smacking me on the back, the kitchen knives and other assorted sharp objects waved in my face, were just her PMS.

Can you answer me this Ragtime? WHY? :cry: :wink: lol


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