What should I tell my mom next tme she asks me to find a gf?

Page 1 of 3 [ 36 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

sinsboldly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon

22 Dec 2007, 5:45 pm

Mw99 wrote:
But how do I know if the woman is interested in me? What if she is standing close to me by chance and not because she likes me?


Girls that are interested in checking out a boyfriend are not standing by a boy they like out of "chance," Mw99. If they didn't want to stand beside you they would be thinking "ewwwww, cooties" (or what ever passes for being 'grossed out' these days.) and they would be long gone and giggling with their friends about how they almost stood next to some guy like you.

so that is how you understand if a woman is interested in you. They don't recoil in horror. It's a good clue and one even an Aspie can pick up on.


Merle



Mw99
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Age: 124
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,088

22 Dec 2007, 6:47 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
But how do I know if the woman is interested in me? What if she is standing close to me by chance and not because she likes me?


Girls that are interested in checking out a boyfriend are not standing by a boy they like out of "chance," Mw99. If they didn't want to stand beside you they would be thinking "ewwwww, cooties" (or what ever passes for being 'grossed out' these days.) and they would be long gone and giggling with their friends about how they almost stood next to some guy like you.

so that is how you understand if a woman is interested in you. They don't recoil in horror. It's a good clue and one even an Aspie can pick up on.


Merle


About the only place where I've stood close to random women is in crowded public places, which makes it likely that some of those women were in fact standing close to me by chance alone and not because they liked me. I've never seen an unknown woman stand close to me in an uncrowded place.



sinsboldly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon

22 Dec 2007, 8:50 pm

Mw99 wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
But how do I know if the woman is interested in me? What if she is standing close to me by chance and not because she likes me?


Girls that are interested in checking out a boyfriend are not standing by a boy they like out of "chance," Mw99. If they didn't want to stand beside you they would be thinking "ewwwww, cooties" (or what ever passes for being 'grossed out' these days.) and they would be long gone and giggling with their friends about how they almost stood next to some guy like you.

so that is how you understand if a woman is interested in you. They don't recoil in horror. It's a good clue and one even an Aspie can pick up on.


Merle


About the only place where I've stood close to random women is in crowded public places, which makes it likely that some of those women were in fact standing close to me by chance alone and not because they liked me. I've never seen an unknown woman stand close to me in an uncrowded place.


I am glad we are addressing the lack of opportunity for the acquiring of an intimate relationship of 'girlfriend' status in the first place.

is this by choice or by chance?

Merle



TheMidnightJudge
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Mar 2007
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,669
Location: New England

22 Dec 2007, 9:41 pm

Tell her to f**k off
Or you could listen to someone who has good advice...



Mw99
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Sep 2007
Age: 124
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,088

22 Dec 2007, 9:52 pm

sinsboldly wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
But how do I know if the woman is interested in me? What if she is standing close to me by chance and not because she likes me?


Girls that are interested in checking out a boyfriend are not standing by a boy they like out of "chance," Mw99. If they didn't want to stand beside you they would be thinking "ewwwww, cooties" (or what ever passes for being 'grossed out' these days.) and they would be long gone and giggling with their friends about how they almost stood next to some guy like you.

so that is how you understand if a woman is interested in you. They don't recoil in horror. It's a good clue and one even an Aspie can pick up on.


Merle


About the only place where I've stood close to random women is in crowded public places, which makes it likely that some of those women were in fact standing close to me by chance alone and not because they liked me. I've never seen an unknown woman stand close to me in an uncrowded place.


I am glad we are addressing the lack of opportunity for the acquiring of an intimate relationship of 'girlfriend' status in the first place.

is this by choice or by chance?

Merle


The lack of opportunity for the acquiring of an intimate relationship of girlfriend status is most likely due to my condition. Also by choice, to some extent, since I've never felt the need to have a girlfriend, until very recently, perhaps.



sinsboldly
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Nov 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 13,488
Location: Bandon-by-the-Sea, Oregon

23 Dec 2007, 10:31 am

Mw99 wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
sinsboldly wrote:
Mw99 wrote:
But how do I know if the woman is interested in me? What if she is standing close to me by chance and not because she likes me?


Girls that are interested in checking out a boyfriend are not standing by a boy they like out of "chance," Mw99. If they didn't want to stand beside you they would be thinking "ewwwww, cooties" (or what ever passes for being 'grossed out' these days.) and they would be long gone and giggling with their friends about how they almost stood next to some guy like you.

so that is how you understand if a woman is interested in you. They don't recoil in horror. It's a good clue and one even an Aspie can pick up on.


Merle


About the only place where I've stood close to random women is in crowded public places, which makes it likely that some of those women were in fact standing close to me by chance alone and not because they liked me. I've never seen an unknown woman stand close to me in an uncrowded place.


I am glad we are addressing the lack of opportunity for the acquiring of an intimate relationship of 'girlfriend' status in the first place.

is this by choice or by chance?

Merle


The lack of opportunity for the acquiring of an intimate relationship of girlfriend status is most likely due to my condition. Also by choice, to some extent, since I've never felt the need to have a girlfriend, until very recently, perhaps.


is your mother's prompting causing the need to be recognized by yourself? Perhaps she sees the signs (of your own recognition) and is actually being helpful by bringing unexpressed desires to your attention.
As an old Aspie, I can appreciate how our thought processes might dismiss obvious strategies for meeting eligible, interesting AND interested women, simply because we never had the inclination to research and turn our brain power toward social schemes that seldom seem logical or even beneficial. Some social experiences can be quite pleasant, especially when we do a little research into what is expected of us at such times and can retire quickly when we need to. Then what used to completely baffle us can actually be a handy tool to unlock any interaction with others with ease.

So, I guess it all boils down to are you interested in doing the skill building that would be necessary for a new chapter in your life?

there is no 'time limit' by the way.

Merle



WillMcC
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 546
Location: Florida

23 Dec 2007, 12:22 pm

I have the opposite problem. I've never had a girlfriend, and I'm not "attracted" to girls. My mother tells me that the right girl will come along eventually. I'd like to someday have a girlfriend, and maybe even a family (but that's a long shot), although I'm not counting on it. I've been told that I even attract girls, it's just that I'm not aware of it.



V001
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 27 Jul 2007
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 288
Location: New Mexico USA

23 Dec 2007, 1:46 pm

For starters she might want her genes pasted on ie grandkids. My thoughts on that there are 6 Billon plus humans as a species we are in little danger of going the way of tex rex and the like. May be she thinks a woman will help you feel more a human ?
Not each human needs to past their genes on they add thur knowlege or even making life better for other humans think about that for awhile. and finaly she clearly does not understand how hard it is to read other humans as one with AS. Help her understand that and maybe she will not bug you as much.



pakled
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Nov 2007
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 7,015

23 Dec 2007, 4:35 pm

well...I found that sometimes a book or two can point you in the right direction. I found one a long time ago about body language. After reading it, you realize you've seen the behaviors, you just haven't interpreted it. It's not the answer to everything, but information is always a good thing to have.

another one was called (I think) 'You just don't understand', and it sort of explained women to men. Usual caveat that all women are different, but sometimes it's been helpful.

Just careful observation doesn't hurt. by careful, I mean looking around, not being too obvious about it.

And signs are all around you. Once a woman tried to pick me up in front of my own wife; I just thought she was being nice, but my wife not-so-patiently explained what had happened. If that was nice, I musta been a babe magnet (no longer...;) Even NT's don't always 'get it', so don't feel bad about it.



hartzofspace
Supporting Member
Supporting Member

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,138
Location: On the Road Less Traveled

23 Dec 2007, 6:03 pm

pakled wrote:
Once a woman tried to pick me up in front of my own wife; I just thought she was being nice, but my wife not-so-patiently explained what had happened. If that was nice, I musta been a babe magnet (no longer...;) Even NT's don't always 'get it', so don't feel bad about it.


I've been accused of trying to "hit on" people's husbands or boyfriends, when I wasn't, and had people trying to flirt with me, and it went right over my head. I've still not learned how to read this stuff!


_________________
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
-- Dr. Dale Turner


TheBladeRoden
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Feb 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,208
Location: Wisconsin

24 Dec 2007, 4:39 am

I think the fact that my mom never brings up to me the idea of finding a girlfriend only proves that she's given up all hope on me.


_________________
"I reject your reality, and substitute my own" -Adam Savage


fivecents
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 22 Jul 2007
Age: 57
Gender: Female
Posts: 362
Location: NJ

24 Dec 2007, 11:36 am

Tell her you haven’t met anyone worth genetically breeding with.


_________________
Dogs Drool, Cats RULE!! !


DeaconBlues
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 21 Apr 2007
Age: 60
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,661
Location: Earth, mostly

24 Dec 2007, 1:54 pm

"Okay, mom, do you know any good places to shop for one? And how much should I expect to pay for a good model? Think I'd save any money buying used?" (I mean, sounds like she thinks picking up women is like picking up a TV - might as well extend the attitude, and see if she catches the reductio ad absurdum.)

WillMcC, are you attracted to guys? Or possibly just naturally asexual? (It happens - some people just don't feel a need for sex, and most aspies can get by without close personal companionship...)


_________________
Sodium is a metal that reacts explosively when exposed to water. Chlorine is a gas that'll kill you dead in moments. Together they make my fries taste good.


Bopkasen
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 Jul 2006
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 541

24 Dec 2007, 6:30 pm

DeaconBlues wrote:
"Okay, mom, do you know any good places to shop for one? And how much should I expect to pay for a good model? Think I'd save any money buying used?" (I mean, sounds like she thinks picking up women is like picking up a TV - might as well extend the attitude, and see if she catches the reductio ad absurdum.)

WillMcC, are you attracted to guys? Or possibly just naturally asexual? (It happens - some people just don't feel a need for sex, and most aspies can get by without close personal companionship...)


Like this?

Image



WillMcC
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 546
Location: Florida

24 Dec 2007, 8:18 pm

I don't get attracted to anyone. Sometimes think I could be attracted to someone (i.e. a female), but I don't think it's a real attraction



Asterisp
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 15 Dec 2007
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 898
Location: Netherlands

26 Dec 2007, 1:24 pm

Well, my first instincts about women are terrible, it is difficult for me to examine someone character well. And for some reason I notice some women that seem nice and then that are the toughest .... from town.

And when I am getting along with someone with a nice character and some understanding of my strange habits, then she either has a boyfriend or is living at least 700 kilometres away or both at the same time! It is nice to meet people abroad, but I just can not find someone close to home.

Some people said that a certain girl was interested in me, but then I completely missed it! I just can not seem to pick up those signals (both positive and negative). I tried to examine body language, but it was quite difficult. Also since there are most of the times friends or people I know around; and they also take part of my capacity to observe and interact. And going out alone seems difficult.

Not having a girlfriend is not a bad thing, I am quite happy. But peer pressure, the nagging of my parents and the fact that now everybody from the people I know are getting married is depressing.