What should I tell my mom next tme she asks me to find a gf?

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I think the fact that my mom wants me to find a girlfriend only proves that she still doesn't understand my condition.

Anyway, what should I tell my mom the next time she tells me to find a girlfriend?

Robert Fripp once quipped: "Helpful people are a nuisance. Don't be helpful; be available."

One suggestion: If your mom truly wants to help, say thank you, and that, when you feel the time is right, you would appreciate her help (or something along those lines of being there if and when you're ready.) That gives you the control over your own life, yet lets her know that you appreciate the gesture.

hello, Mw99, I believe I have asked this before, but perhaps I missed your answer. So many of your questions are age related for age appropriate answers. could you let us know your physical age? It would be helpful to us that care about giving you the answers you seek.

thank you,

Merle

hehe, i was just thinking the same thing.

My mom does not press me, but my grandmother wondered why i did not have a GF since middle school, my mom got mad at her for asking me this .

Anyways, I am 25 and have a friend who is female, we dated a little bit but I think that we have toned that down a bit since because of our very buissy lives, I feel its possible we may someday get back together tho... BLAH BLAH

Anyways, not to hijack your post, I am in your same position basicly, I too, at 25 want to have a REAL relationship and I think at this point some are starting to wonder about me.

I think your moms feelings are very normal, afterall she loves you and wants you to have a normal and happy life. The problem is they dont understand what its like to be us until they walk a mile in our shoes. I am not sure if you are seeking compainionship or not, some of us do and some dont. I guess its all in what you wanna do in your life and what you can handel in the present.

All you can do is explain that its very hard for us to get out and do some things, and I find dating to be the hardest thing I have ever attempted in life. She probably wont understand, again, she cant see the world thru your eyes, but you can explain things the best you can.

She may fear, if you are in your 20's and 30's that you wont get married and have kids, and thats my moms fear tho she hides it and knows never to ask me what your mom asked you. I think its very natural, but what it comes down to is that its your life and you gotta decide what you want in it to make ya happy, not what others may want. If you want companionship like I do and your mom wants of you, then great, unfortunatly that means you gotta get out their and approach women . If this is the case me and you are in the same boat, luckily for us, if you are around my age we still have many years statistically speaking to find what we are looking for before the boat we are in begins to take on water, hehe.

I wish ya luck, and everyone a very Merry Christmas.

I know what you mean getting a g/f who im into and gettin past the dating phase is one of the most difficult things probably ever no other thing is more difficult for me

friendships/school anything is easier then it

all I can say is tell her its really none of her business and that it'll happen when and if it happens since that's how it goes for an any1 else anyway

good luck and hope your mom eventually comes around in understanding you better

sinsboldly, around woodsman's age.

How old are you?

Sometimes if your mom works in a place where lots of her peers are showing off their cute grandchildren all the time, they can get all jealous and wish they had a grandchild, too. This can be especially annoying if you're her only child, and therefore her only shot at grandbabies.

Or if other people are asking her things like, "Why is your son not married yet? Is he gay?" or crap like that, it may make her feel the need to somehow save your reputation from rumors of which you may be blissfully unaware, by encouraging you to find a girlfriend and therefore prove them all wrong.

Next time she bugs you about that, I would recommend asking your mom, "Why is it so important to you that I find a girlfriend all of a sudden?" It's easier to reason with someone when you understand their motivation.

around 'BeenThereDoneThat's' age


Merle

Tell her that you have one but you haven't mentioned her before because she's 14 years older than you.

See if she freaks out.

1st things first

Honestly, do you want a girlfriend?

it's probable, you wouldn't be here if you weren't at least considering it.

Now, one of the 'problems' guys face is they usually have to make the first 'move' (after the women have done what they can to get noticed...you didn't think you were attracted to her at random, did you?... This is really hard...I remember trying the club scene back in the early 90s, and after 'hello', anything else was a 'line'..or as I put it ..' a line is a lie with an 'in' in it..

The best thing to do is to pay attention. This is also very hard, as most women don't put blatant signals most times, because it makes them look 'desperate' or 'easy'. You can look for some signs, such as 'finding' her around a lot, smiles, maybe hands held towards you with the palm outwards, dialated eyes, etc., but this also doesn't work for every woman. (Note- nothing works with every woman, which makes it even harder.

Now I'm not trying to scare you off..it can be done (on my 2nd marriage), so I didn't want you to think that. I'm just saying that the rewards of having a loving partner, understanding you, and helping to give you strength, should outweigh all that.

But how do I know if the woman is interested in me? What if she is standing close to me by chance and not because she likes me?

I have never understood this need, that lots of people have, to force their grown children into relationships, or worse, to produce grandkids. Don't they realize what life changing events those can be? The introduction of another person into your life, on an intimate and personal basis, is involved enough. The introduction of another, brand new human being? That you will be personally responsible for, for the next twenty or so years? And whom you will never be free of worrying about, until you or they are gone for good? I have a grown daughter, by the way. If she chooses never to reproduce, that's fine with me!

Why don't you say that you just don't want a girlfriend? Or am I missing something basic here?

That's a bad answer. It opens up a new can of worms.

It appears I'm missing something basic. Can you enlighten me?

Girls that are interested in checking out a boyfriend are not standing by a boy they like out of "chance," Mw99. If they didn't want to stand beside you they would be thinking "ewwwww, cooties" (or what ever passes for being 'grossed out' these days.) and they would be long gone and giggling with their friends about how they almost stood next to some guy like you.

so that is how you understand if a woman is interested in you. They don't recoil in horror. It's a good clue and one even an Aspie can pick up on.


Merle