How to deal with annoying co-worker

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I can't seem to get a co-worker to leave me the hell alone.
Seems like a rather diluted version of mobing. . .

Facts about him:
- He's not my boss or anyone's actually.
- I don't work with him; his desk just happens to be there.
- He's been around doing similar stuff for the past 3 decades (IMO administrative drudgery)
- He socializes mostly with receptionists and some people like him; I noticed that, despite the fact that he covers his cubicle with pictures "proving" he's a very sociable and likeable person, there are some rather nice persons he completely ignores.
- When he's not putting up a cool guy facade he's sulking - there's no "in between".
- He's a short, stumpy, bald, limping man who regularly arrives about two hours late dressing inadequately and looking pissed off. Then leaves an hour earlier with the same resentful look.
- Socializes with the people around me and tries to cut me off from the rest either through body language or by trying to drive me away with subtle aggressive questions/remarks.
- Most of his talk consists in vacous comments he does to draw attention to himself when others are having a conversation (shut up! I'm the boss here! *bangs desk*) or meaningless questions like "ain't it?" (out of the blue) and then "C'mon! ain't it or ain't it not?". There's two or three things he repeats every now and then.
- When he does speak to me he seems pathologically curious about the whereabouts of my dad (a former CFO that works with the owner) and about the nature of my contract (which is a touchy subject). Other than that he tries to act cool by trying to ridicule me with snappy remarks and questions to which I can't reply (because they are either downright meaningless or just too obvious in that there's a barb to them)

I don't know what to do. I know he's a loser but I get stressed about these things.
I can't counterattack well because I can only think up replies that are too offensive and would escalate the conflict. I can't confront him either; every other time I confronted a similar idiot the outcome was exactly what I wanted to prevent.

Suggest to him (or a superior) that he's bordering on harassment and then keep a diary of what happens. Don't provoke him, let him hang himself.

There is little you can do to convince this guy that you are not a threat to him. And you're right about avoiding counterattack. There are other approaches you might take. One is to ignore his antics altogether, and carry on with your own work.

Another is to go the route of friendly solicitousness. He bangs on his desk? You stop in mid-sentence, go over to him and say, "Jim, was there something you wanted to say?" He asks intrusive questions? You put on your best earnest expression, and open a serious conversation about something completely unrelated. He makes insulting and/or random remarks? You wrinkle your forehead in puzzlement and say, "You know, Jim, I have no idea what you're getting at, there. Did you mean (blah, blah, blah) or did you mean (yada, yada, yada)?" Stay in front of him, maintain eye contact and wait for him to clarify or to back off.

Or you can do as gbollard suggests, and simply document his behaviour until you have grounds for a complaint.

I agree that it's annoying as heck when co-workers seem to get away with terrible timekeeping and sloppy work habits and all the rest of it. But that's between them and their employer, and if you draw any attention to it ("Jim punched in an hour late three times this week! How come I'm in trouble for being ten minutes late?") nobody will thank you for it. Sad but true.

Good luck....

I like this advice. I can't ignore him altogether because his actions demand some sort of reply and I can't complain because I had much serious mobbing issues elsewhere in the past and I'd wager these guys already know something of them.

As petty as this is I want to handle it in a more self-assertive way while not making it bigger than it really is. I really need to make more eye contact and learn how to reply when I have no choice but to. This is hard for me because I feel an almost visceral loathing for this clown and my most natural reaction is to retract from any further interaction.



The odd thing with these cases is that, while I understand the psychology of them, face value everyone knows I couldn't possibly be after his post.

I forgot to say he's over 20 years older than I and that I just got started there. He's been with the accounting people for decades. I'm not an accountant. I'm (basically) with the budget people and looking forward to move on somehow once I'm done with my master's (or before). He himself, just as they won't fire him for being late everyday he won't skyrocket anywhere anytime soon. We are two completely different persons.

Yet. . . I can tell some terrible sort of childish rivalry on his part the few times our paths cross. For example, when the boss of our bosses wanted to check with us some words in English in some document, this guy, who barely babbles it, did his best to stand in a way he wouldn't let me see the paper and to reply to everything as fast and as loud as possible regardless to whether it was right or wrong (so that I couldn't get a word in).
To think this guy is almost 50 years old. . . shame.

There's another guy. . .



- He's a buddy of the former. . .
- He's a year older than I.
- We are very different: He just decided to study a career. I'm close to getting my postgraduate degree. He speaks something like Cockney and is extroverted. I'm shy and very much stereotypically Asperger's when I do say something.
- His attitude is very aggressive even when he's fooling around with friends.
- He is married and with a child but openly flirts with every girl around making it clear he wants to get laid with them. Those girls are all engaged but he still pesters them for some reason.
- He doesn't work with my team but he's always shouting so I have to hear his non-stop BS all the time.
- He seems to hate it me with an intensity that doesn't make any sense.
- He never addresses me directly and does two things: 1) Say I just had a haircut; he walks past shouting "Hey Joe, how about I also cut my hair like a FAAAAGGOOOOOT!! !! !". 2) Every two days he comes to socialize with the people around me, tries to organize stuff and blatantly excludes me. I've hunch he slanders me too.

Just ignore him, right?.
I swear I've said nothing that could offend him.
I avoid making any controversial statements at work at all.

What terrible luck to be stuck in the same workplace as these two clowns. And yes, Junior could very well be making slanderous comments behind your back. But then, it's an axiom that you never overhear anything favourable about yourself, even from people who are superficially pleasant to you.

There might well be others in your workplace who are just as disgusted with their antics as you are, but for reasons of their own, play along and don't let their antipathy show. Among them may be some of the women that Junior hassles, who could easily have sized him up, decided that he wasn't a credible threat, and elected to tolerate his strutting around like a bantam rooster as long as he didn't cross certain invisible lines.

These people may be causing you considerable heartache. Nevertheless, your best defence is to be completely unreactive. "I neither approve nor disapprove of you. You are part of the furniture, even if you walk around making a lot of noise. I am happy and content and relaxed here inside my own anti-riot bubble. Nothing you say and nothing you do has the slightest impact on me, either for or against."

They may respond to this by stepping up the harassment. Then you might have to decide whether to continue blandly ignoring them, or to complain and force the management to intervene on your behalf.

I sure hope that your next job is in an environment slightly less toxic!

I think this is excellent advice.

The best statement you can make is by continuing to do the very best job you can without any regard whatsoever to these people.

Just ignore them, or get them fired somehow.

I wonder how can I pull it off. I think I most likely show my emotions more than I'd like to. So far I've been trying to keep my general attitude as obscure/random as possible but I've no idea what others read in this.

I'm scared about changing jobs; this is the best workplace I ever been at. The majority here is superficially nice or indifferent to me and it seems that I'm slowly being made to take part into more activities; there seems to be a chance that if I stick around I might get a better job within the same company.
Seeing how badly I got treated in my past workplace I'm afraid going to a place with no connections at all will result in a disaster.

The one thing that does smell quite bad about this is that Junior seems to be socially recruiting all the new clerks in their late teens or early 20s (he never does smalltalk with the bosses). They've been giving me weird looks as of late. I feel ridiculous. In all my jobs I got bullied by small fries packed together. Thing is, despite my education, I'm the one in a weaker position (. . .my contract).
I wonder if I can be like that guy who does fine without having anything to do with this group.

It might be in your best interest to cultivate a few alliances of your own. Do not restrict yourself as to the person's position in the hierarchy, level of education, or whether you would have befriended them outside of work. Doesn't matter how loud and obnoxious they are. Anyone who shows you goodwill, show it back to them.

Occupying yourself with others in this way will also help distract you from unpleasant thoughts about Junior & Co, and you'll be happier for it.