How to deal with a partner with Aspergers

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jaydog
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24 Jan 2008, 9:22 pm

I think i'm gonna email offra, (shes in santa cruz, same city as me) p=.


Offra Gerstein, Relationship Matters: How to deal with a partner with Asperger's Syndrome

Many adults, some of whom are not even aware of having neurological diagnosis, exhibit behaviors that are perplexing to others. Partners of people with Asperger's syndrome are often very frustrated, confused and at a loss to affect change in their relationship with their mates.


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singularitymadam
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25 Jan 2008, 12:22 pm

jaydog wrote:
Many adults, some of whom are not even aware of having neurological diagnosis...


Pardon my confusion, but how is this possible? Wouldn't "disorder" be a better word than "diagnosis"?



xyzyxx
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25 Jan 2008, 12:38 pm

"condition" would be better than "disorder"...


OH, LOOK! SEMANTICS!!



singularitymadam
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25 Jan 2008, 12:48 pm

That was uncalled-for.

I wasn't trying to argue semantics, I am genuinely confused about the thought process that leads to diagnosis by non-professionals.

To get back to the OP; I like that Offra Gerstein says this:

Quote:
There are many individuals who do not have the full AS, but exhibit some traits of this syndrome. There are also people who may appear to have some Asperger traits but do not actually posses this neurological condition. The diagnosis of AS is best made by professionals.


A good friend of mine was telling me about a girl he dated a while ago, who had convinced him that he had bipolar disorder (he doesn't). It seemed to strange to me that this girl had so much power over his mind and behavior. Perhaps it is those who believe they know more than they do that cause more harm in these relationships than the ones with the so-called problems.

Gerstein does offer some good suggestions, though.



mmaestro
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25 Jan 2008, 1:20 pm

singularitymadam wrote:
That was uncalled-for.

I thought it was funny.
Seriously, she probably hammered out that article in 10 minutes, the one word doesn't have any major effect on the thrust of the article as a whole, which is good.

I liked the article. I think it could have benefitted from being longer, though - how many aspergians or their partners are going to be reading it and know so little while they do appreciate a partner is Asperger's. The article doesn't give enough information to point to the condition, IMO, and so those who may benefit won't connect it with their partners, or at least only a scant few may. The advice itself, while short, was good I think. Although this made me laugh:
Quote:
Unless the mate understands the nature of AS, it is easy to become angry, overwhelmed and even resentful of the partner who seems to be a good individual, yet not a traditional partner or lover.

I'm not sure how much understanding the nature of AS helps. I mean, it helps a little, but I'd still expect a bit of anger and overwhelmedness.


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xyzyxx
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25 Jan 2008, 2:06 pm

singularitymadam wrote:
That was uncalled-for.

I wasn't trying to argue semantics, I am genuinely confused about the thought process that leads to diagnosis by non-professionals.
Sorry, I wasn't making fun of you. I was making fun of myself, because the word "condition" was the first thing that came into my head after reading the first two posts in the thread.



singularitymadam
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25 Jan 2008, 3:36 pm

xyzyxx wrote:
Sorry, I wasn't making fun of you. I was making fun of myself, because the word "condition" was the first thing that came into my head after reading the first two posts in the thread.


Apology accepted. And I think we just proved her point, in a roundabout way. (misunderstandings are all too common)

Although, now that I think about it a bit more, her points on how to treat one of us are exactly what a friend of mine is doing. It drives me nuts, because it's so damn patronizing (Are you OK with this arcade? Do we need to leave? Do I need to tell you how I'm feeling?). There is a delicate balance that she doesn't even come close to approaching. mmaestro is right; it was too hasty to be really helpful, while the idea is nice.