Is it bad to prefer to be alone?



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Riddick124
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05 Feb 2008, 12:46 pm

Yeah, I am 14, 15 in 2 or 3 weeks, and I only have one real friend. I try to hang out with him every weekend, but I cannot always manage this, and in school he is very popular and I am not, so I would embarass him if I talked to him there. We have been friends for a very long time, mostly because we share the same interests. We both love to do anything related to computers, mostly. But I have no other friends at all, not even someone I say hello and talk to occasionally, and I like this. I always choose to work alone in school, rather than in groups. My parents and teachers tell me it is bad to be alone, but I like it. I find most people to rather dim, narrow-minded and petty, and some are openly hostile to me. I am happiest while doing something alone, such as working with computers or playing video games, but I also adore my two dogs. I have had no problems with being alone, and I achieve much more in school while working alone. I do not know why everyone thinks it is so wrong to enjoy being away from others, can someone explain this to me?



werbert
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05 Feb 2008, 12:53 pm

They say it's bad for you to want to be alone? Sure, it might not be their cup of tea, but that doesn't make it bad. If this is the kind of thing these people say to you, no wonder you want to be left alone. ;)


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duncansbass
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05 Feb 2008, 1:15 pm

I think that the biggest source of internal conflict and emotional and mental distress I have seen on this site in my time here is those who do not accept that they are awkward and think they must be "fixed" in order to be happy.

I am quite happy being alone. I prefer the company of a small circle of people, most of whose company is provided online. This causes me no upset or distress, and I don't feel that level of anxiety.

So, no, it isn't bad. You may in fact drive yourself batty trying to chase after that big peer group of friends that so many your age, Aspie or otherwise, do. We aren't built for it. If you let people tell you being alone is a bad thing, and you try to not be alone when that's what you really want, you will get yourself in a bad place quickly.

Go ahead, revel in your alone time. And don't let anyone tell you it's a bad thing. It's not.


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fernando
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05 Feb 2008, 1:56 pm

Of course it's alright to be alone, people will tell you otherwise because they hate to be alone, so they imagine that you must be suffering a lot. They don't understand that we actually enjoy it.


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MrSinister
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05 Feb 2008, 3:12 pm

If you feel like being on your own, go be on your own - there's nothing wrong with it at all.

I like being by myself a lot more than I like being with people, although I think I find being on my own with an animal on my lap or sitting with me to be a bit more relaxing - I get on with animals far better than I do with humans, it has to be said...


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Alexey
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05 Feb 2008, 3:33 pm

I think that like to being alone is normal - even some non-Aspie people need a rest after being into group of people. But it is important not to be entirely alone and it is nice that you have "off-line" friend. I definetly like to work individually and need some time to be alone - probably not AS but just feature of my personality.



quirky
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05 Feb 2008, 3:59 pm

Yeah, I struggle with this a lot. I have some close friends, whose company I enjoy, but most of the time I want to be alone. My friends and family feel bad for me and are frustrated with me because they think I'm miserable and just not trying, and that if I just find people 'like me' I will have a ton of fun. What they don't get is the reason I dont pursue more friends is because I honestly don't want them - I want to be alone a lot, and only talk to people when I'm up for it - I don't want a group of people calling me up all the time. Also, I've never met anyone 'like me' - I always feel really alienated because even if I have a lot in common with someone, their obsession with relationships or drama in their social lives is more than I can handle, and I think that if I found someone exactly like me, I 'd be annoyed that they were so obsessed with one topic and so bad at maintaining conversations and relationships - finding someone else with AS tendencies wouldn't work too well because then we'd both suck at being friends! :roll:



MysteryFan3
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05 Feb 2008, 4:05 pm

I like to spend most of my time alone. That way, when I do get together with a friend or two it's a sometimes treat instead of a constant chore. Being with other people too much wears me out.


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SilverProteus
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05 Feb 2008, 4:08 pm

They can't cope with being alone, so think think nobody can.

I myself see nothing wrong with wanting to be alone. Being left alone is a whole different story...

:roll:


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richardbenson
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05 Feb 2008, 5:12 pm

your still pretty young yet. theres also nothing really wrong with wanting to be alone


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Jay186
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05 Feb 2008, 7:52 pm

There is absolutly nothing wrong with wanting to be alone


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JerryHatake
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05 Feb 2008, 7:59 pm

Yeah there's nothing wrong wanted to be alone.

I sometimes like that but I'm trying to leave that box of loneliness and hang out with friends and classmates at Mason.


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Liopleurodon
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06 Feb 2008, 11:43 am

Ugh, always hated that. "Now you must do this activity because it will help you to make friends, and that will be great!"

I have as many friends as I can handle, which may actually be far fewer than most people. I love them dearly but in the case of each one, I may actually go for months without contacting them. The people who tend to want to be my friend are similar: they can go without seeing someone for months and then just pick up again where they left off. I honestly think that if I had to be sociable every day I would lose my sanity.

The important question is whether or not you're happy with the way things are. Are you?


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Riddick124
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06 Feb 2008, 12:46 pm

Yeah, I am very happy just being myself, without anyone else around. I leave people alone, they leave me alone, I can accomplish far more alone. It is nice to have my one true friend, though. Him and me are both...........I dunno how to say this, I guess more intelligent than most of the rest of our grade, and it is very nice to have someone I can hold a serious, intelligent, 2-sided conversation with. He has taught me much about computers, and has helped me out when mine has a problem many times. We share many of the same interests and dislikes, so we get along great. He has been my friend since 1st grade, when I first met him.



howzat
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06 Feb 2008, 5:54 pm

Its not bad at all 2 b alone i would like 2 b wid ppl but i have always been found out so being alone has always been my preference.



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