I hate myself. I hate the world and Life sucks



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Chimchar
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:40 pm

It's official. I hate myself and life wuill always suck.

Everything I do is linked with Aspergers. I looked up the word "Pedantic" and it's linked to aspergers. Saying stupid things is Aspergers.

Everytime I read about aspergers, I hated myself for having it. All signs point to the disability.

I'm retarded. Socially inept. I hated Valentine's day. It was the day I wished the whole world would just blow up already. Everytime I see a heart , red and pink, or a dumb cupid, I get violent. I was in school, and I tore everything up, screaming to the world how much I hated the holiday. Life sucks. It always will suck.

I never feel appreciated.

I'm a writer. I want to be. I don't know the real reason except unusual freakish interests link to the disorder.

The world doesn't want me. No one would care if something bad happened to me. I ask myself why I'm alive and didn't die of lead poisoning when I was an infant which probably caused the disorder. I don't mean anything to anyone.

Everything I say is stupid, and I hated myself for it. I just feel like punishing myself. I never cut myself before. I wish I was beaten everytime I say something stupid.

Last night I was crying, because I don't belong in the world. I;ve been told that the world doesn't want me. I called myself names, like circus freak, stupid, I'm a retard.

My conclusion, life sucks. I'm just a freak who would never live a happy life, I never did anyway. Since there's no cure for it, It's just going to stay with me for the rest of my life.

I wish there was a cure. I'd do anything to be one of the NT people. Even if it means medication. Even if it means jumping off a cliff.

I'm not making fun of aspergers, I just want to express my feelings. If this isn't allowed I'm sorry. I'm in a very bad mood.

I hate myself for having asperger's. I just want to be normal.



TLPG
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 3:55 pm

No, you don't suck because you have Aspergers. No one sucks (unless they are a member of Al Queda or support George W Bush 100 percent!). You are different. You belong. You aren't retarded or impaired or any of those things. You're listening to what others tell you and they are wrong.

It's perfectly natural for you to express your anger and frustration. You are a writer - be proud of that. Writers are great people. They are retarded or impaired. Think of JK Rowling - she's a writer. Is she impaired? Nah! You're not a freak - you're letting other people label you one when you're not. Stuff them! They don't know squat!

Do things for YOU - not them. Be yourself - not what they want you to be. You are a human being. You can't be anything else and you have that right - to be YOU.

Chin up, Chimchar. Being an Aspie is not all bad. You're going through a rough patch, but if you don't let it get to you you'll be OK.



Dantac
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:00 pm

You're not retarded. Your writing proves it.

Being socially inept is the reason for all your woes and just like me and others here we know what it is like. You're not alone on that... you're not alone period. You found this forum and you will find an important person of your very own one day. It will happen, just hang in there until then!

A disability? Perhaps in a way it is. At times I think its the NT folk that have a disability.. social ADD :D . They spend too much time chatting and being all emotional and get nothing useful or purposeful done and end up hurting each other; usually without noticing it. That to me looks like a problem on their end of the spectrum ;)



digger1
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:02 pm

dude, it's not like you chose to have AS or anything.

Life is full of suffering. It's how we deal with it and treat others is what makes the pain of the suffering subside.



Tim_Tex
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:07 pm

Welcome to WP!


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I DO want to be an awesomely sexy lady!


SilverProteus
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:09 pm

Welcome Chimchar :)

WP is a haven, use it. The other posters have given some pretty good advice.



Glencannon
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:11 pm

Valentine's day has the same effect on me.

You may feel like you don't belong in the world, but you certainly belong here at wrong planet. I'd suggest you stay for a little while.



howzat
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:16 pm

Don't put urself down Chimchar AS isn't all dat bad there r ppl in da world who have a lot more problems den u do some have no speech, wheelchair bound n life is tough it doesn't come on a plate.



DivaD
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:25 pm

me too :cry:



JWRed
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:28 pm

I don't know how old you are, but it is possible to change and think and act like a NT. It takes a lot of hard work and effort. Give it a try.



Chimchar
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 4:52 pm

To behonest. I don't know how to act like a NT person. I don't know if any one has felt my pain. You feel useless.

It's going to take a while for me to settle in. I do tend to get sort of embarassed. It's better to have internet friends anyway because they can't judge you.

I stutter and choke when I speak, people call me retarded for that.

I'm surprised that everyone here is so understanding.

I tend to tell lies about myself in hopes of making friends. Like, I told everyone that Dr.Martin Luther King was my great uncle. Or the time when I told everyone I own a ferrari, lambourghini and all those fancy cars.



Dantac
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:00 pm

Its easier to be understanding when we go through the same thing.


:)


I know im very chatty on text and IM but in person its not like that.



Chimchar
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:17 pm

You have great advice. Why do I see this disorder in a negative way? I hated being known as the 'little prfessor' it makes me hate myself even more.

Don't you hate being called smart?



scumsuckingdouchebag
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:21 pm

Life doesn't suck; it just is.

You'll reach an opposite state of being in time.


If you want to mope, it may be to your benefit to increase the productivity of doing so and read something dark and horrifying. A member here is fond of HP Lovecraft. :D



LePetitPrince
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Fri Feb 15, 2008 5:23 pm

I hate myself and I hate life ....but not because of my autism , but for many other reasons . Autism is the least of my concerns.



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