Difference between being a nice guy or a push-over

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ToadOfSteel
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27 Feb 2008, 12:43 am

Dracula wrote:
The original poster is right. If you're an as*hole to everyone around you, you aren't going to get very far.

You have to discern who to be an as*hole to, and who deserves your kindness.

- D


This is why I tend to mirror people's emotions towards me. People who show kindness to me get kindness in return. If someone is being an as*hole to me, I start being an as*hole right back. (I do cut if off before it escalates out of control, though...)



MikeH106
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27 Feb 2008, 6:48 pm

PowderKeg wrote:
The idea of confidence alone somehow overcoming low status is ridiculous.
It has a lot more to do with social status and sex appeal. The George McFlys of the world are cut down instead of elevated. They can stand up to bullies, but they will be savagely beaten, and there won't be an ounce of sympathy. The only chance George had (only one opportunity) was when Biff's posse was elsewhere.


Stun pens are legal in most states without a permit. Just don't exhibit them rudely or carelessly.

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This is one of the reasons I don't drink or do drugs. I know that there is a long list of people who won't hesitate to abuse, exploit, or humiliate me in some way.


Excellent. I don't recommend anyone get into them, especially if you were bullied.

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Rejection is a funny thing, because for some people, it doesn't end. I don't fear it. Instead, I try to circumvent it using activities that aren't dependent on others.


I'm very careful about who I reject. I'm not an intolerant person.



PowderKeg
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27 Feb 2008, 8:42 pm

MikeH106 wrote:
Stun pens are legal in most states without a permit. Just don't exhibit them rudely or carelessly.
Great idea. I can stun one guy, while one of his buddies sticks a long knife into my side.
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I'm very careful about who I reject. I'm not an intolerant person.
Riiiight!


Remember, likability and status are very important to juries. I know I'm less likely to get justice so I try to avoid trouble.



HolyAtheist
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27 Feb 2008, 10:40 pm

I can't believe what I'm reading here. This emo threadjack has got to stop.

If you're in the same situation as powderkeg and you don't do something about it, you damn well deserve to stay that way. If you're a pushover, you will get pushed. Wallowing in self pity won't change anything, growing a spine and sticking up for yourself will. If you can't do that yourself, get help from someone who's not as thin-skinned as you are. Nothing will change until you do.



GrantZilla
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28 Feb 2008, 9:10 am

Agreed HolyAtheist. I think some people just want to be victoms. It's easier then standing up for yourself, or growing some spine.



MikeH106
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28 Feb 2008, 4:03 pm

Oh, listen to you peacocks trying to sound tough.

Self-esteem isn't about how attractive you are. It's about being smart and knowing your values. You have a body; now what do you do with it?



GoatOnFire
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28 Feb 2008, 4:13 pm

I'm not a nice guy or a pushover, but I enjoy hearing stories about pushovers who finally snapped. Like Cho at Virginia Tech, nobody liked him as a pushover, and he finally snapped. Maybe people should learn their lesson and at least not antagonize pushovers just because they can, because one day...


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HolyAtheist
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28 Feb 2008, 4:28 pm

MikeH106 wrote:
Oh, listen to you peacocks trying to sound tough.


If you're referring to my post, I'm not sounding anything. You do have to be physically and mentally tough in order to go into football in middle school and stay in it for most of high school. If I wasn't tough going into it I certainly was coming out of it. I'm not saying I'm an all-powerful badass (the real ones never brag), but I'm saying I did push myself up in order to gain some acceptance in middle and high school.

That was the point of my post: YOU have to elevate yourself instead of waiting to be elevated. If you're not going to do anything to help yourself you won't get anywhere. I did it, anyone can. Excuses aren't worth five cents to me.

MikeH106 wrote:
Self-esteem isn't about how attractive you are. It's about being smart and knowing your values. You have a body; now what do you do with it?


Exactly, you have to do something to earn any sliver of self-esteem.



PowderKeg
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28 Feb 2008, 7:36 pm

MikeH106 wrote:
Oh, listen to you peacocks trying to sound tough.

Self-esteem isn't about how attractive you are. It's about being smart and knowing your values. You have a body; now what do you do with it?
What good is presentation without positive perception?

Unfortunately, there are people without the tools, and resources to "measure up".



PowderKeg
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28 Feb 2008, 7:42 pm

GoatOnFire wrote:
I'm not a nice guy or a pushover, but I enjoy hearing stories about pushovers who finally snapped. Like Cho at Virginia Tech, nobody liked him as a pushover, and he finally snapped. Maybe people should learn their lesson and at least not antagonize pushovers just because they can, because one day...
Mental illness is one obstacle some people cannot overcome.



HolyAtheist
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28 Feb 2008, 8:48 pm

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Mental illness is one obstacle some people cannot overcome.


A genetic disorder that re-wires the brain does not a mental illness make. AS doesn't belong in the same category as schizophrenia (sp). AS is also NOT an excuse to act like a helpless victim. We're different, our social skills aren't as good, SO f*****g WHAT!! We ARE NOT powerless to IMPROVE in our weaknesses while reaping the benefits of our strengths.

Asperger's syndrome is NOT "helpless little b***h syndrome". If you don't like the situation you're in, you need to stop making excuses, get off your ass, and do something about it.

If you find this offensive, you can cry me a river and drown yourself in it.

Sheesh, I'm embarrased to be an aspie in such company right now.



yesplease
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29 Feb 2008, 3:51 am

HolyAtheist wrote:
Sheesh, I'm embarrased to be an aspie in such company right now.
That's whatcha get for responding to a determinist.



GrantZilla
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29 Feb 2008, 6:33 am

HolyAtheist wrote:
Asperger's syndrome is NOT "helpless little b***h syndrome". If you don't like the situation you're in, you need to stop making excuses, get off your ass, and do something about it.

If you find this offensive, you can cry me a river and drown yourself in it.

Sheesh, I'm embarrased to be an aspie in such company right now.


Co-sign.



MikeH106
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29 Feb 2008, 9:14 am

GoatOnFire wrote:
I'm not a nice guy or a pushover, but I enjoy hearing stories about pushovers who finally snapped. Like Cho at Virginia Tech, nobody liked him as a pushover, and he finally snapped.


How was Cho a pushover?

PowderKeg wrote:
What good is presentation without positive perception?


It's not just about presentation. It's about doing things you think are worthwhile, like helping the less fortunate.

HolyAtheist wrote:
Sheesh, I'm embarrased to be an aspie in such company right now.


Don't worry. Generalizations are foolish.



GoatOnFire
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01 Mar 2008, 12:01 am

PowderKeg wrote:
GoatOnFire wrote:
I'm not a nice guy or a pushover, but I enjoy hearing stories about pushovers who finally snapped. Like Cho at Virginia Tech, nobody liked him as a pushover, and he finally snapped. Maybe people should learn their lesson and at least not antagonize pushovers just because they can, because one day...
Mental illness is one obstacle some people cannot overcome.


Despite the media's slant on it, Cho was less mentally ill than most of the people on this board. He was diagnosed with selective mutism, which is similar to Asperger's but is actually less severe.

MikeH106 wrote:
How was Cho a pushover?


How was Cho a pushover?

http://www.roanoke.com/vtinvestigation/wb/wb/xp-130177

Cho had selective mutism and depression, neither of which are particularly rare. It was Cho's feelings of constantly being the pushover that drove him off the edge. People say he's crazy because they don't want to believe that he was more sane than they would like to give him credit for.


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MikeH106
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01 Mar 2008, 10:13 pm

The media seems to enjoy belittling these shooters' intelligence, which I worry will make people who have these predispositions more mad. The last we need is another Cho going on another shooting because the first Cho was made out to be a monster. I think that would only pin them further into the corner of vengefulness.

Some people say Cho did it "just to be famous," but they're also wrong. He did it as a red alert to bullies everywhere. If you don't want a shooting to happen, just don't bully other students, especially to the point of making them suicidal. It's that simple.

If you read Eric and Dylan's diary, you see hateful comments from the standpoint of natural selection and Social Darwinism. Eric and Dylan were Hitler-wannabes. I didn't see this in Cho. He genuinely attempted to defend the less fortunate members of society from victimization in a murderous rampage. It's too bad he chose to shoot down his whole classroom (relatively speaking, anyway, in case you thought I was advocating murder.)

I wrote about Cho's motives in more detail on the footnote of my essay on sexual selection, http://www.geocities.com/zinites_page/schiz.html, which you can read here: http://www.geocities.com/zinites_page/schiz_footnote.html.