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metalab
Snowy Owl
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:57 am

I know this is common in alot of ways cause the isolation thing for asperger's. But I'm wondering if my relationship with it is a little different, more peculiar?

It's not that I don't get along with people, it's not that I can't talk to people, it's not that people don't like me. It's actually quite the opposite, I have alot of friends, of many different types and get along with all of them well and have lots of good times.

It's just that quite literally 90% of them drain me. Without them even noticing, just like their presence. And it quite literally will take me like a whole day to recover from it fully and get myself back to how I like to feel. These people feel different to me, they stand out to me... almost visually. Like if I pay really close attention to myself and my perceptions, I can avoid it, but thats typically takes more effort than it's worth than to even try going out.

And I post this because, I don't want to just start telling people off because of a circumstance that... they probably don't even believe in or even comprehend, or could even begin to understand how to fix. But really, it's starting to annoy me more and more. The people who just don't understand how we are all energetically connected and like, just their small thoughts that they think are 'theirs in their head' actually do project out and change everything arund them and greatly affect the whole vibe of the area.

Because I do have like a couple groups of friends who are very conscious of this themselves, we talk about it and I never have any issues with them, typically I feel more together the following day. But like I said 90% of my friends... I just can't be around too often or for too long.

Have any of you guys dealt with this... and possibly breaking ties with people on something that they don't even grasp the idea of how it exists? I just don't want to be physically near some people anymore, I'd still talk to them on like instant messenger, cause nothing of the conversation is bad, it's just their actual presence seems to adversely affect me.



poopylungstuffing
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:08 am

I can totally relate...there are very few people I can be around for any length of time without feeling really drained. I can be around my boyfriend because we are mentally on a similar wavelength and can constantly be around each other while still allowing ourselves an adequate amount of space....But it is one of the reasons I don't have many close friendships...i need to take a passive role as a friend...I need to be able to escape from people....or else I fizzle out really fast.



CowboyFromHell
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:13 am

Normally this happens after talking on the phone. I get nervous on the phone a lot. Not usually with family or friends, mostly what has to do with business. Like if I had to call in sick from work, or order a pizza, or sh!t like that. I kept hesitating to call in a refill of one of my meds until me parents told me that it was done by artificial intelligence where you push buttons instead of talking to an actual pharmacist. But put me face to face with someone, it's a hell of a lot easier.


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metalab
Snowy Owl
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Joined: Tue Jan 22, 2008 7:00 pm
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Location: Portland, Oregon

Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:19 am

I hate the phone. I greatly loathe the phone. I typically only text message people. I don't know exactly why. I've sort of come to understand that like, alot of when I interact with people and talk, I don't so much understand their words and language perfectly, but I can feel them, feel their intention and based off key phrases, subject at hand and being able to just sort of perceive this feeling around them I can talk highly effectively. But on the phone, that feeling isn't there cause the actual person isn't there, so talking on the phone is very foreign to how I typically interact.



CowboyFromHell
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:41 am

metalab wrote:
I hate the phone. I greatly loathe the phone.


I've got a cell phone. I consider it good practice. If you pay for it, ya gotta use it.


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bamc1130
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: Tue Jan 09, 2007 7:00 pm
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:47 am

I feel drained with almost everybody. That is why I like being alone



lovebat
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 7:56 am

Everybody seems to drain the life out of me. Thats probably why its 5am and I'm not asleep yet, because late at night I don't have to deal with anyone. :D


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rushfanatic
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:34 am

Good Lard, it takes so much out of me to be around people, even family gatherings I will need to take a nap afterwards... As a mom, I need to break away after dinner by folding laundry and such to ease my mind, find peace just for an hour or so by myself.. The phone is annoying as well, I enjoy talking to people if it can be less than 5 minutes..



SilverProteus
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 8:36 am

Almost any social interaction drains me.


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ford_prefects_kid
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 11:24 am

Same as the rest of you. There are maybe two people I'm close to that don't "drain" me, but going out or interacting with others- even if it's friends- requires a lot of mental preparation on my part. I often need recovery time as well- like if I go out Friday night with these people, Saturday and Sunday will need to be spent in complete isolation.

I've lost a lot of friends due to the fact that I just won't go out and physically "see" them. And I've had some get angry that I have time to talk to them over AIM, but "can't see people today."

I use this phrase a lot with people who can't grasp the idea. "No, I can't go, I just...can't see people today." Trying to explain the problem to some gets you nowhere, so I just leave it vague. Some friends who fall into the "90%" category are used to hearing this phrase from me enough now that they won't question it- even if they don't understand.



Last edited by ford_prefects_kid on Tue Feb 26, 2008 11:26 am, edited 1 time in total.

kattoo13
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 11:27 am

most def. i am an NT and people drain me all the time. in fact i haven't seen anybody outside of my family and co-workers since august, for that very reason. i'm in hermit mode.



skeeterhawk
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 12:02 pm

It's reassuring (or something) to know that I'm not alone in my dislike of the phone. On the surface, it would seem like an aspie should prefer phone communication since it eliminates at least some of that putative non-verbal gabbing that we supposedly are blind to. However, this is definitely not the case for me or apparently a good number of other folks on this list.

On the main question, YES, a lot of people do drain me and leave me in a Tourette's tick frenzy. There are some people, who drain me with even the smallest of interactions. Their whole vibe is like having the breath sucked out of me. These are NOT malevolent people in any way, and I recently had the very weird experience of accepting a heartfelt gift from such a person. I can only hope I did not seem like a total jerk.



Arbie
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:02 pm

Prolonged social interaction has always been very physically draining for me.



Adrie
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:24 pm

Oh yeah, I can relate. There's only one person who doesn't drain me, and some people definitely drain me more than others...people I still consider friends, I just can't help that I get tired from being around them.



fresco
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Tue Feb 26, 2008 1:53 pm

Yes I find mixing with most people is draining. It's different to feeling exhausted (like after a marathon or something) its like a cognitive fatigue and worse it feels like your soul has had a battering. There are some people I find just make my face ache, I know I have to work harder to prevent them from attacking or belittling me. Its not that I dislike them just some primitive sense is adverse to their presence. As I have got older inevitably I have had to sort of kick into touch certain friends it just got to the point where the friendship was stale and it felt like a chore.



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