Secrets about your grocery store clerk:

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1. We don’t actually give a f**k how you’re doing. In fact, you could drop dead in front of us and we likely wouldn’t care.

2. When we ask you whether you want your 4-litre of milk in a bag, you say no. Saying yes makes you environment-killing scum; it HAS a handle.

3. When you swear at us for asking for your ID, it doesn’t actually make us any more inclined to fulfill your every nicotine-tinged whim. We will laugh at you behind your back, though.

4. Tying your grocery bags shut doesn’t make you safe; it makes you anal. Companies spend THOUSANDS of dollars on the perfect grocery bag shape, you’re perfectly fine holding the handles.

5. You don’t actually NEED to lift the hundred-pound sacks of potatoes onto the conveyor belt. We have codes specifically so that we DON’T have to break our backs shlepping your crap back into your cart.

6. The nametags exist for a fleeting impression of familiarity. Do not call us by name; unless you are over 70, it’s creepy. (Once you hit 70, it becomes dear/sweet.)

7. Going through a three-foot shopping receipt in order to get an extra 50 cents off when the line is stretching into the aisles makes us HATE you.

8. Waiting until we’ve bagged all your groceries to give us your reusable bags is unbelievably irritating, and you can expect to walk out of the store carrying your eggs on your face.

9. We don’t like you. You cannot change this.

10. Your jokes aren’t funny. Shut up so we can faster perform our minimum-wage jobs.

11. We will not baby-sit your children while you shop; neither will they get free chocolate bars by virtue of being under 12. You arrogant as*hole.

12. One minute before we close is not actually the right time to come into the store with one of the big carts. One minute before we close is also not the time to come to the counter with two carts full of produce and sale items.

13. There is a carpet at the front door to wipe your feet on when you come in. Use it.

14. Incredible though it may sound, we have better things to do than wait for you to come up with 17.93$ in small change. Get a f*****g debit card.

15. It’s not actually funny when you correct us on every inane supposed mistake we make; we know how to use an error correct button.

16. We would much rather have 17.93$ in small change than a cheque.

17. No, we do not match the prices of the local rival grocery store.

18. Much as it would make my day, I did not personally cause your milk to start leaking all over the inside of your car on the way home; neither do I have the power to magically remove sour milk from your car cushions. If I did have that latent power, yelling at me would probably not cause me to manifest it in a manner helpful or healthy to you.

19. No, I will not give you a discount because you go to church with my great-aunt’s hairdresser. Such a reason is not valid for ANY request; particularly since my great-aunt cuts her own hair.

20. We cannot divine through clairvoyance the contents of all your paper pastry bags. If you don’t want us to open and poke through them, LABEL them. Four digit codes are amazingly easy to write, especially given the prevalence of pen and tags in the bakery.

21. If you want your membership benefits, give us your membership card. No, the rival grocery store’s card does not qualify.

22. Did I mention we don’t like you?

We love you back!

Having worked in fastfood, I understand your pain, but I also feel the need to point out one thing.

i have to carry my groceries a bit down the street and up 20 steep steps. I get my milk in the bag so I can carry all my groceries at the same time. It also enables me to open the door without having to set 7 bags of food on a porch that wildlife seem to think of as a home.

And the "journey" that i have to take is also the reason i'll sometimes double bag what you give me - if you didn't stuf 6 havey items into the same bag I wouldn't need to, but having any real strain on the bag means it will likely burst as I walk up the steps

You know what? I work as a cashier in a grocery store, and I actually care about my customers (until they yell at me - then I hope they burn in hell jk nah, I just kill them with kindness) But if they are friendly to me, I really do care a lot about them and want to make them happy.

the store closes his door at 5. It means i can go in at 4h55 and do all my grocery. If they wanted everyone out at 5, they would stop getting poeple in a 4h30. Like the line-ups at the amusement park are closed a half hour before the park. YOU have to get used to the fact that your job doesn't end at 5, it ends after the last customer quits. This is how jobs with public are. If you can't get used to this, change job!

I also work for a grocery store, but my main job is a bookkeeper. That task only takes 4 hours out of my shift, so that leaves the rest of the time to help as a cashier. When it's my turn to do the books, I have to be there before the store opens so the registers have money.

I actually care about the customers, if I didn't, I wouldn't have applied to work there. From my previous retail experience, I developed a thick skin when customers are upset. Most customers are pretty friendly from my experience.

Hah! there are so many of you stuck with the same horrible job as me!! ! (its a comforting thought)
It all really depends on what mood im in as to how I think of the customers.

Question: When your working, do you constantly think about other things than work?? (because my colleauges talk to each other, I just stand there) I cant handle a 9 hour shift And right now theres a lot going on that I dont want to talk about, and it frustrates me and occasionally ill take it out on my customers (dont worry, its not bad).

But I do know if they chuck a hissy fit theyll look more stupid than anyone working there. Often when I have had a sour customer the person behind them just looks at me (in a friendly way) and says (e.g.)"well she was a b***h!" lol, I love it when they do that

Wow I really didnt stay on topic there! =]

lol

I echo the thoughts of Dhp. I didn't hate the customers when I worked as a cashier and so I don't get the joke.

I agree with you on all of these; but I will have to say that as long as the customer isn't an as*hole, I'm alright with them

Ahh there is another complaint he left out.

People that hand you their money, wait until the drawer pops open, and then say 'Wait, I have $4.38 more to add to that.

Thats fine with me, as long as you give me a few seconds to do the math in my head. It doesn't matter how many times you shout out "that means you give me $12.50 in change, I'm not going to hand over a penny until I do the math in my head. And I'm not going to get to do the math in my head until you give me a few seconds without your shouting out numbers or how to do the math problem. Do you really think your shouting out numbers while I'm trying to work with numbers is going to speed up the process of my doing mental math rather than make me have to start all over again?

I eventually learned to just count out the initial change on the register, than add the additional money, and exchange it for the largest dominination. It takes a lot longer than if I had just taken a few seconds to do mental math, but thats the only way to go about the process without the customer screaming out your for not instantly knowing how much money to give them. I got straight A's in both my bachelors and masters degree - I'm not working in fast food because I'm an idiot. But you'll never discovere that if your shouting out numbers at me at the same time you are expecting me to work with numbers and quickly come up with a correct answer. heck, you would be hard pressed to find anyone who can accurately do mental math in that situation

These are the ones I have a problem with
1. We don’t actually give a f**k how you’re doing. In fact, you could drop dead in front of us and we likely wouldn’t care.(its customer service, get used to it)

2. When we ask you whether you want your 4-litre of milk in a bag, you say no. Saying yes makes you environment-killing scum; it HAS a handle.(don't lay your beliefs on customers and getting bagged can make it easier to carry in certain situations)

4. Tying your grocery bags shut doesn’t make you safe; it makes you anal. Companies spend THOUSANDS of dollars on the perfect grocery bag shape, you’re perfectly fine holding the handles.(the grocery bag has been relatively unchanged for years and in my experiences its more comfortable on my hand to tie them)

5. You don’t actually NEED to lift the hundred-pound sacks of potatoes onto the conveyor belt. We have codes specifically so that we DON’T have to break our backs shlepping your crap back into your cart. (this is something that customers aren't aware of and they have no reason to be aware of this unless you mention so)

9. We don’t like you. You cannot change this. (wrong attitude for customer service)

12. One minute before we close is not actually the right time to come into the store with one of the big carts. One minute before we close is also not the time to come to the counter with two carts full of produce and sale items. (take it up with management)

14. Incredible though it may sound, we have better things to do than wait for you to come up with 17.93$ in small change. Get a f***ing debit card.(some people don't like to use debit cards)

16. We would much rather have 17.93$ in small change than a cheque.(change the store policy then)

22. Did I mention we don’t like you?(obviously but once again its not good customer service to have an attitude.

Ah yes, and then there is also the fact that if you have many bags tying them shut keeps everything from falling out and getting lost under your car seat, or under other items in the trunk

And when I did work in fast food, the policy was changed so that we had to take customer orders 15 minutes after our listed closing time - the reason being that no one wanted to take orders that came at the last minute. So the boss solved the problem by changing when the "last minute" was

You sound like you *really* hate the grocery retail business. I'm a cashier too, so I can relate, even though I like most of my customers. Here is my list:

Why the f*** did you lift that big, heavy case of water right on to the conveyor belt right after I told you I could ring it up in the cart? You said "Oh, that's OK!" and did it anyway! You moron, there was a reason I memorized 4 or 5 different 10 digit PLU codes for water cases, and lifting the cases anyway wasn't one of them. I told you I had heart problems and couldn't lift it, but you did it anyway. Jerk. Hurt my back and it hurt for weeks from lifting the blasted things. If you're too dumb to follow the simple request to leave the case of water in the cart, then go home and turn on your faucet instead. Please.

If you don't think I'm smart enough to count your two avocados, three doughnuts, and YES! even your 6 ears of corn, then why on earth do you trust me to count your money? If I couldn't count, they'd fire me, and besides, I have to count them myself anyway.

By the way, calling 13 doughnuts a dozen wasn't funny. Baker's dozens cost exactly one doughnut more than a regular dozen.

Yes, I know what the produce is. Telling me the item and price is not only irritating, it's irrelevant. You're a control freak. Calm down. I *have* to type in the code number for each produce item, so if you're really into this sort of thing, take this list home and memorize all the produce codes. I know them all by heart, but the other girls don't, so it might still come in handy.

When something is weighed by the pound, it doesn't matter how many of them there are.

If you interrupt me in the middle of facilitating your final transaction with some minor crisis (I want 3 bags of crushed ice and 1 block, not 4 blocks, even though they're all the same price!! !! !) then don't start screaming at me when I get all flustered and make a mistake and it takes a minute or two to straighten out again.

The following replies to the question "How are you today?" are not only void, they're stupid: "Yes, No, That's alright, Paper, Plastic, No thank you, Food stamps, Credit, Debit, Yes, that will be all."

For this question, "Would you like paper or plastic", the following replies do not work: "Yes!, No, I'm fine, Good, That will be all, Food stamps, Debit, Credit, Uh-huh.

If I ask you about bag preference a few tiems and you give me the above answers, please don't wait until I get all the way to the end of the transaction before you exclaim that you wanted whatever kind of bag you didn't get. I will try to be polite and patient, but I might not be as careful with the eggs, bread, and produce as I painstakingly transfer an entire cartload of groceries into another type of bag, all because you couldn't be bothered to answer a simple question.

I know how to bag groceries. Really, I do. You're doing a really crummy job of it, putting that bloody meat on top of your peaches, and the hot deli food with the ice cream. What's more, you're holding up the line and my customers are leaving my line, all because you won't let me do it right, and quickly.

The beer HAS to be bagged. It's the law. Don't bicker with me about it, I didn't write the law.

Breathing beer breath all over me and calling me "Honey" is not endearing. No, I will not sleep with you. Please.Go.Away.

It's really none of my business, but it makes me very, VERY angry when you run out of money and put the baby formula, milk, and groceries back, and keep your beer and cigarettes. Your children should be taken away.

It is not my fault that the prices have gone up. I did not raise them. The higher gas prices are also not my responsibility.

It's also not my fault when things ring up incorrectly (even though I will remedy the error for your transaction). See that cute manager chit chatting her day away over there, without a care in the world? Setting the prices is HER job, and she gets paid extremely well for it. You can clearly see why it isn't getting done, so go gripe at her.

Just because I'm a cashier doesn't mean I'm stupid. Don't try to talk down to me; those long words that made you feel so important have been in my vocabularly since childhood.

Paper in plastic!! !! ! OOOoooh, I HATE YOU! Go away!! !!

I don't want to watch you have sex in front of me. Yes, I do consider foreplay sex. Get a room.

People are waiting behind you, in a long line, growing ever impatient and mad at me, while you chat merrily away on your cell phone. Hang it up, or at least learn to multitask.

I know you're embarrassed to use food stamps. I understand that, so I ask discreetly. However, I cannot read your mind. Until you tell me what sort of transaction this will be, I can't do much more. Staring at the machine fixedly and sliding your card over and over and over again won't help.

Oh My God!! ! Take a bath!

And you- less perfume.

Oh, and your case of water is there on the belt. You can take it and put it back in the cart. It's rung up already.

Last edited by chamoisee on 04 Aug 2008, 12:50 am, edited 1 time in total.

I should add that I don't actually hate my job, and I do like 95% of my customers. I am nice to all of them...even the ones that annoy me. I find that the nicer I am, and the happier I make them, the faster they go away and without causing problems for me.

It makes me not have a car full of rolling sodas, dog food cans, and produce. Generally speaking, when there's an open end, things can get out of the bag. And funnily enough, they do.



I doubt most people care what you think. I certainly wouldn't. 50 cents off is more valuable than not raising your indifference to hate.



Does anyone care?



Interestingly enough, with one minute still left, it's still open. They could just keep shopping around until the store closed completely and then check out.

Of course, it'd probably be a good idea to remember that without customers, there wouldn't be a store. And without a store, you wouldn't have a job.



Change weighs down purses very easily. Unless you plan to start giving me only cash in return, you're going to get some change when I've got too much. Plus, if we don't give you change, you eventually run out, and then I have to stand there. Incredible though it may sound, I have better things to do than wait for you to finish your wrestling match with a roll of pennies.



If you notice it. There actually is a point to that one; sometimes, the cashiers don't notice when they ring up something twice or ring up the wrong thing or whatever.



I don't think many customers bother to like you either, so don't worry about it.

Actually, I don't mind most cashiers. But here's a tip for you: as the customers, it's our money that's keeping your job intact. That doesn't make everything we do right, but half the stuff you pointed out wasn't wrong either.