Are/were you a spoiled brat or a "spoiled brat"?

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Ana54
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10 Mar 2008, 12:54 pm

People who call others spoiled may be telling the truth, but they have no idea how to deal with it. Spoiled in my opinion often means people give you s**t you don't want because they don't understand you and for whatever reason there's a communication barrier between the two preventing the "spoiled" party from telling the other party what they really need. So the other party tries to guess and often doesn't guess right.



Jeyradan
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10 Mar 2008, 1:16 pm

My parents call me this whenever they feel I am not meeting their expectations (don't do enough chores around the house, don't spend enough time at home, am always in my room, don't "talk with them," etc.).

Yes, I still live at home - am going to university and not earning money because my current lab job is for course credit instead of pay - but I ask very little of them. I don't stay at home on the weekends (wouldn't want to spend that much dead time with them), don't eat much (vegetarian and low appetite), and buy my own things (computer, cycling gear, snacks, etc.).
Their abuse (emotional and physical) has decreased now that I avoid them as much as possible, but it is still a bad situation and I prefer to ask for very little and spend very little time with them. Yet they still dislike me - why? I am in university, plan to become a specialist doctor, and largely take care of myself without imposing.

**Pardon me - rant to follow.**

My younger brother, on the other hand, receives money from my parents constantly despite having a full-time job (he tried community college twice on their dollar and failed both times)... he has moved back into their home (he does this every so often and always ends up being kicked out for destroying their things and being disrespectful, rude and not contributing) with his girlfriend this time... he steals things when he wants them... and yet he can do no wrong, receives whatever he asks for, is permitted to do whatever he wants, is never blamed for anything (regardless of how obviously he is at fault), and not a word may be spoken against him. Mollycoddled ****. He is constantly baiting me and stealing my belongings, and embarrasses and bad-mouths me publicly in front of friends and whenever the family has company over.

So who is spoiled? I have my opinion.



Maeko
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01 Aug 2011, 6:11 pm

I never ask for things from my parents, they give things to me at their own leisure.

My parents grocery shop for food and stuff, I never ask for things, they buy whatever they want for me.

Spoiled as in: I occasionally forget to do household chores so I get yelled at.

Spoiled as in: my parents pay for my college and I don't have a job yet.

Not spoiled as in: I don't use my cellphone like most college people, so I don't have an expensive phone bill. Most college students would abuse their minutes, because they have lots of friends.
I don't have any.

Spoiled as in: My parents home-schooled me since early grade school, but I never asked them to.

Spoiled as in: I never go to church on Sundays.

Spoiled as in: I stay home 24/7 besides for going to my college classes. I study and do homework at home.

Spoiled as in: They allow me to use a computer for however long I feel like it.

Not spoiled as in:
I don't go to theaters to watch movies like most college people

Not spoiled as in: I don't drink alcohol or drive around to places that much besides for college.

Not spoiled as in: I buy all of my clothes from Goodwill or the Salvation Army.

Not spoiled as in:
I live in a really small house so I never was allowed to have friends over or anything. My parents didn't really want me to go outside or talk to people because they think DCFS would take me away from them.

Spoiled as in: My parents pay for my doctors visits, dentist appointments, eye exams and blood tests.

Spoiled as in: Sometimes I take REALLY long showers.

Not spoiled as in: I eat whatever they put in front of me

^This So far



Maeko
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01 Aug 2011, 6:30 pm

Not spoiled as in: I don't yell at/argue with my parents.



MagicMeerkat
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01 Aug 2011, 7:48 pm

Probably. I was homeschooled becuase if my parents let me stay in that hellhole, I would have commited sucide. If saving kids from abuse equls spoiling them, I guess my parents stand quilty as charged.

For the most part, yes, I was a spoiled brat. If I had been raised by old fashioned "children should obey their parents no matter what" or "children should be seen and not heard" type parents, I would have been horribly abused and probably would have killed myself anyway. I was bossy, moody and agressive. My mom still has scars from the results of meltdowns. I think I also could have had childhood onset bipolar disorder and probably also had some fetal achol syndrome. But yeah, I was spoiled. I don't know if I still am but there's probably some people out there who would say I am.


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Sweetleaf
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01 Aug 2011, 7:54 pm

Not really, no.



SammichEater
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01 Aug 2011, 8:43 pm

Maeko wrote:
I never ask for things from my parents, they give things to me at their own leisure.

My parents grocery shop for food and stuff, I never ask for things, they buy whatever they want for me.

Spoiled as in: I occasionally forget to do household chores so I get yelled at.

Spoiled as in: my parents pay for my college and I don't have a job yet.

Not spoiled as in: I don't use my cellphone like most college people, so I don't have an expensive phone bill. Most college students would abuse their minutes, because they have lots of friends.
I don't have any.

Spoiled as in: I never go to church on Sundays.

Spoiled as in: I stay home 24/7 besides for going to my college classes. I study and do homework at home.

Spoiled as in: They allow me to use a computer for however long I feel like it.

Not spoiled as in:
I don't go to theaters to watch movies like most college people

Not spoiled as in: I don't drink alcohol or drive around to places that much besides for college.

Spoiled as in: My parents pay for my doctors visits, dentist appointments, eye exams and blood tests.

Spoiled as in: Sometimes I take REALLY long showers.

Not spoiled as in: I eat whatever they put in front of me

^This So far


All of these apply to me.


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Dingo7
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01 Aug 2011, 8:53 pm

Yes and no...

Yes?...
I never have to pay for food... or to maintain dads car that i borrow... (however i pay for fuel)... I dont pay board to stay at home with my parents... i dont really have to do much around the house... i was satisfied with what i got from my parents growing up when i was younger...

No?
I work more hours then both my parents do... I have to buy pretty much everything i want with my own hard earned money... I still need to buy myself a car... but my parents will not lend a single sent to me for the car... rego... or insurance... my internet is the slowest i have ever come across... i mean like... 10kb/s download speed... F%$#$%(*$(%($%king slow... if i want it faster... then i have to pay for a new plan for the whole house... i would rather put up with it for now...

Idk theres heaps i could say but generally i think im pretty neutral... im looked after well enough...


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Todesking
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02 Aug 2011, 12:10 am

If I was acting bratty when I was a kid I got the sh!t smacked out of me.


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League_Girl
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02 Aug 2011, 1:04 am

Kids thought I was spoiled when I was 9-12.

My parents took us to places and we went on road trips, we even went to Disneyland and Sea World and to the San Diego Zoo. Even though mom didn't get us whatever we wanted, we went out a lot such as going to movies or eating out or going to the mall and just looking around or going to the library or to the fair. She eve played board games with us and we sometimes cooked and sometimes she would ask us what we wanted for lunch or dinner and we got to decide. We even made cookies.

We were one of the few families that had a computer. Back in the days having a computer at home was uncommon because they were still expensive then. Then it got more common when I got to my pre teens or early teens.

I can remember the time my mom didn't want my brother putting on his homework how many TVs we had or computers because she didn't want his teacher to think we were "crazy." We had six TVs and four computers; DOS, Windows and Sony Vaio. My dad had them for his business and two of them was for fun use.

We lived in a big house too about over 3,000 sg ft.

I even had a huge dollhouse my grandfather and my dad built me.


Goodness I guess I should have taken "spoiled" as a compliment if this is what the kids meant.


Here's more: They built me a house in Montana but I said I was never moving back so they are selling it. They never kicked me out of their home. Mom helped me move forward in life. They helped me move out to a house my grandfather owned. They still let me eat their food when I be at their house, even when I come over for dinner. They didn't mind having me leaving my dog down there while I be at work. They bought me a car when I got out of high school.

Now they want to buy my husband and I a house when they move back and want to help put down the down payment too.


My last ex thought I was spoiled too and wasn't pleased with how I was raised it seemed like. I think he may have been jealous because I had understanding parents and they tried and take the effort to learn about me and help me and his mother did nothing, she gave up with him and didn't even bother. But my mother never gave up trying to find out what I had. He just seemed critical about everything my parents did for me and how I was raised. He just thought they gave up with me too after the diagnoses. No they were just more understanding. Yeah they still got mad at me about my meltdowns/anxiety and didn't give a s**t. I remember mom being happy with me when I decided to go see Harry Potter just to get out of the house and away from the party and chaos my brother's were having. So they gave me money for food and ticket. By the time I got home from the movie, their party was over and they were leaving.



chrissyrun
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02 Aug 2011, 1:44 am

A little bit:
My parents are gonna pay for my college tuition to go to the school I want instead of the one where I got a full-ride to.

I get mad at my mom if she doesn't get the right kind of food because I am seriously picky.

I expect good running shoes.

I don't have a job at 18.

That being said, my sisters are more spoiled than me: they got a fb at 12, phones at 13, and many many other things.


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Mummy_of_Peanut
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02 Aug 2011, 5:35 am

As I have no brothers or sisters, people have always assumed that I must be spoiled. But, I don't think I was in the least bit spoiled as a child. My parents never had much money and my Dad was unemployed for 2 years during the Thatcher era, so we had nothing for a while.

There are a few things which others will look upon as being spoiled, but that was never my parents' intentions. E.g. I went to a private school for 4 years. The reason for this was that I was a precocious reader and my Mum was advised by a health visitor to get me into education early. At 3yrs old, the only option was private, so my Mum went ahead and enrolled me in school. She cleaned houses to pay the fees. When others saw me in my uniform, they probably though I was a spoiled brat, especially as I lived on a council estate.

I never had the latest fashions (never asked for them either) or the must-have toys. I was happy with my little bean dolls, paper and felt tip pens and never asked for anything more.

My parents supported me through university and I only worked one summer. They didn't expect me to work during term time as they wanted me to do well. They thought that working as well as a whole day at uni would be exhausting. They were right as I know I would not have had the energy to work, not due to the academic strain, but the social side of higher ed. Is that spoiling? I didn't need much money anyway. I had a fiance (now husband) who worked, so he paid for most when we went out to the cinema, etc, I didn't socialise and I had simple needs. I had a student grant (as my parents had low incomes) which was all I really needed and travel expenses were paid for.

Nowadays, my parents would give me anything I needed. They're not rich but comfortable and don't need much for themselves. Thankfully, I don't need anything at all, but they've always made it clear that I should just ask.



ToughDiamond
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02 Aug 2011, 10:01 am

My parents were quite spartan and they wielded a lot of control over me, so they didn't spoil me or allow me to be much of a brat.



Ettina
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02 Aug 2011, 11:12 am

Piles of people outside my family accused my parents of spoiling me, because they figured my parents had caused my autism through lack of discipline. And because they saw my parents doing things I needed that they thought I only wanted.

My parents aren't big disciplinarians, but I'm not spoiled either. It seems to me that spoiling parents don't really form a proper relationship with their kids, so they compensate for it by giving the kid whatever they want. That just leaves an empty hole in the kid that they learn to try to fill with stuff or by manipulating people. In contrast my parents make sure they're my friends as well as parents, and as a result I care deeply about them and want to make them proud of me.



Mummy_of_Peanut
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02 Aug 2011, 1:19 pm

Ettina wrote:
Piles of people outside my family accused my parents of spoiling me, because they figured my parents had caused my autism through lack of discipline. And because they saw my parents doing things I needed that they thought I only wanted.

My parents aren't big disciplinarians, but I'm not spoiled either. It seems to me that spoiling parents don't really form a proper relationship with their kids, so they compensate for it by giving the kid whatever they want. That just leaves an empty hole in the kid that they learn to try to fill with stuff or by manipulating people. In contrast my parents make sure they're my friends as well as parents, and as a result I care deeply about them and want to make them proud of me.


I had a huge falling out with my mother-in-law last year and haven't spoken to her since. One of the things she said was that she was fed up with me talking about things I'd been doing with my daughter (as she saw it, being boastful) whilst my daughter didn't say 'Thank you' for the money she gave her (a few pounds once in a blue moon). Try as I might, it's impossible to get my daughter to say thanks, if she just doesn't want to. She's one of the Aspie kids who doesn't do a thing she's told, yet isn't bad or mean spirited. I was being blamed for raising a spoiled brat. All my mother-in-law could see was the my failure, despite witnessing my attempts to train my daughter.



gramirez
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02 Aug 2011, 1:42 pm

Despite my dad making a lot of money, we never had nice things. So no I don't consider myself spoiled. Not at all.


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