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wigglyspider
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20 May 2009, 1:52 am

That kind of sucks. D: I'd be friends with you! You sound cute. I have made friends with a lot of my teachers who are your age or older, I think. And I was great friends with my sister's playmate's mom who loved to play video games. >3< I have friends who are younger than me too. (like 18 ) It's nice to have friends of all ages, I think.

I'm 23 by the way. Last year I told a friend that I was 38 and she believed me. That was kind of hilarious and depressing all at once. But this year someone thought I was 17. Age is really weird like that. People have these ideas about how one age is supposed to look and act, but I keep seeing those conceptions getting totally smashed in all sorts of situations.

But anyway, I've heard a lot of people say that older people who act young are refreshing or inspiring, maybe you actually have more of a positive impact on the people around you than you think! >3< At least, that's how I'm going to try and approach the idea of getting older. Maybe if I think of it that way, other people will see it that way too..
Hopefully. XD;


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whitetiger
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20 May 2009, 8:53 am

Autism gave me an excuse to stop trying to fit in, as I realized it was impossible :)

I am 40. I still dress young, artsy, fun. People tell me I look 30. I still get "ma'am" and my family says I look more mature.

I have a real issue with being 40, actually. It just doesn't feel right. It feels impossible. I actually feel like I'm in my mid twenties still.


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EnglishLulu
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20 May 2009, 7:03 pm

Rainstorm5 wrote:
I'd love to look like Catherine Zeta-Jones at 40 or Marie Osmond at 50+
I don't know if I want to look like Dame Judy Dench, but I'd sure like to have her money...
You do know, don't you, that Catherine Zeta-Jones doesn't even look like Catherine Zeta-Jones at 40? :wink:



bhetti
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21 May 2009, 6:30 pm

I dunno about reinvention. I am what I am. what's cool about learning I have AS though is that I think I can finally hone in on some of my real talent and forget about trying to turn myself into something I'm not.

for some reason, when I was 40 and working in tech support, college guys would come onto me. I guess I was in a place where the people around me were above average intelligence and having a weird sense of humor wasn't a liability, so I made some friends.

it's hard to find that kind of environment, but I think there are plenty of people out there who really care more about what you think than how you look. finding them is the trick, but I think they congregate in places like philosophy clubs and other special interest groups.



Zola
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21 May 2009, 8:15 pm

I'm 46 now. I have mostly positive feelings, although there are a few things that I don't like.

One thing I dislike is the change in the doctor's attitudes since I hit menopause. I had a serious medical problem and it took three doctors to determine that I had a serious medical problem because the previous doctors were treating me like a menopausal woman with the vapors. It bothered me that they assumed I was off-balance when I wasn't.

I like that the average guy no longer looks at me as a possible sex partner first. I work in a very much male field, I am a computer programmer, and for years I had to deal with them looking at my boobs and ass instead of at my work. Now if a guy is interested, it's because he actually likes me.

I like that my experience has come together enough that I am not wrestling with all the issues I had in my twenties. When I realized I was getting isolated and needed to make more friends, it wasn't an angst-filled process at all because I knew what to do.

Sometimes I look in the mirror and laugh hysterically. The outer image is so different than the inner one! Still, I don't bother to dye my hair or try to "keep myself up" in the sense of looking sexually attractive. I find that I'm at last comfortable in my own skin, such as it is. Any changes I make in my diet or exercise routine are for the most important reason of all--my continued good health.

I dislike losing the feeling that the world was my oyster, but I'm trying to "surrender gracefully the things of youth". I like that I understand this now.

I decided in the end there isn't a damn thing I can do about it anyway, so there's no point in fretting over it. Life is an adventure, and I can't wait to see where it goes next.



CaroleTucson
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08 Aug 2009, 9:00 am

What a great thread!

I'm 44, and to my astonishment I find that I get hit on by younger men more and more all the time. The youngest was 17, for heaven's sake. I don't know what the hell he was thinking. Do you think younger men have the idea that all women in their 40's are cougars and we can't wait to "teach them the ropes"? I don't know any cougars myself ... I sometimes even wonder if the whole idea of a cougar was simply made up by younger men.

Anyway, I've also experienced the "you're no longer relevant" attitude that some of you have mentioned, and it infuriates me. The worst is when I get it from younger women.

And then there's the attitude from men in my own age group who assume that I must be looking for another husband. That would be amusing if it wasn't so ridiculous.



sinsboldly
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08 Aug 2009, 9:54 pm

EnglishLulu wrote:
Rainstorm5 wrote:
I'd love to look like Catherine Zeta-Jones at 40 or Marie Osmond at 50+
I don't know if I want to look like Dame Judy Dench, but I'd sure like to have her money...
You do know, don't you, that Catherine Zeta-Jones doesn't even look like Catherine Zeta-Jones at 40? :wink:


Amen! Sister


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activebutodd
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09 Aug 2009, 7:03 am

On one hand I kind of hope this is the case, on the other it annoys me.

Though I'm in my twenties the world is not my oyster, and I'm becoming tired of being looked at first (and often only) as a possible sex partner. I hope that as I become older I won't have to be ultra careful of my behaviour and safety for fear of attracting lots of unwanted attention based on what I look like.

But being invisible because I'm not in a youthful pretty package and assumed to be 'up for grabs' is a bit insulting too. Gah!



outlier
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10 Aug 2009, 3:14 am

My mother still gets chatted up. She has a friendly demeanour and takes care of her appearance, so that is probably why. I remember in my late teens and early twenties I would be invisible while she got chatted up. We share similar physical attributes apart from the age difference, so I think that personality plays a large role in being visible.

The only people who approach me do so out of physical attraction. It makes me feel invisible in a different way.



activebutodd
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10 Aug 2009, 8:39 am

Maybe it's the subconsciously perceived likelihood of a woman possibly being a sex partner/able to be flirted with that leads to all the awareness or approaches, and that's why the likelihood is mostly attributed to young girls but not always.

My mum is still beautiful at sixty and very outgoing, but I've often envied that she can confidently be friendly to men without receiving sleaziness and attempts to get with her when she's just being nice. I'm not outgoing at all, or always attractively turned out, but when I'm polite or friendly it seems to be taken as an invitation to become overfamiliar.

Yeah, I kind of know what you mean by invisible in a different way. :( But it's curious, I've heard this phenomenon mentioned in a book once where women that are more mature, have a little extra weight, or are not wearing makeup don't seem to be paid attention to as much or their presence remembered later.
I know when I've worn heels and mascara I've been served quickly at a shop counter, while I kept getting passed over and had to try to get served when I showed up just plain.

However, I think I'll be more comfortable and happy with myself when I eventually reach 35, however I feel about aging or whatever value others place on spring chickens.



poopylungstuffing
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16 Aug 2009, 3:19 am

I am about to turn 34..so one more year before I am invisible..I already sorta am invisible..but it has to do more with me being so completely non-reciprocal towards guys I am not already involved with..and since I am in an open relationship with 2 guys...it is sorta as if I don't exactly count..For each of them, there is the potential "other" on the horizon..maybe...
Anyway...
This interesting older female has recently started hanging around my venue...and she seems to have everyone quite fascinated...She must be in her late 30's...pale...heavy-set-ish....eccentric...well-travelled..."cool"....
I am at ease with her presence...and all the guys seem at least somewhat taken with her just because she is interesting and different. She is definitely not invisible...



16 Aug 2009, 9:34 am

I'm 24 and I am already pretty much being ignored. People hardly talk to me. I don't get stopped by neighbors or anything, it's rare when they say something to me.



RightGalaxy
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20 Aug 2009, 6:44 pm

Tequila wrote:
Some people really go for that mature looks thing. You'd be really surprised. Don't entirely lose heart. ;)


Ditto. But anyway, you can overcome that feeling and take care of your health. Exercise and eat a healthy diet. Embrace a faith and develop your mind more. Make some money. I'm 48 and very glad to be OUT of the cattiness of other women and the sexual predation of men. The day I stopped (at age 30) giving men erections just by looking at me made my life a heaven. Now, I do what I want.
Nobody cares if I'm fat, thin, ugly, pretty...I'm free at last from the whole world's damned scrutiny and judgement based on pure superficiality. People can just kiss my gainly, 48 year old, arse.
I'M FREE!! !! !! !! !! !! !! :D I've had 18 years of peace! I'll never be a walking vagina again. Thank goodness!! ! Now I'm a real person. Life is finally real and freedom is heaven. I'm looking forward to being a grandmom some day. I'll be the best darned granny in the world. I just wish I could have had that attitude when I was young...I missed the most energetic part of my life because of "illusion". I spent entirely too much fuss caring for the shell when there was "NADA" inside. Everybody says the same thing, "If only I knew what I know now and could be young again....I'd conquer the world!" Life is a beautiful thing. You determine your worth...not others. Take control!! !



flyingladybird
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21 Aug 2009, 6:08 am

I'm mid-40s.

I think it's important to look after one's appearance.
Mother used to tell me she looks after herself for no one else but herself.
when I'm not looking after myself that well, I notice I'm not really well or feeling down and things tend to spiral down.

sometimes, I "cannot be bothered" and people notice.
as others had said, in our age (40 upwards), health is so important as I also have got medical conditions. exercise and diet being part of health.

I also got recently married (again, second time around). it's important to care about a lot of things including one's appearance. I like, in my age, being normal, at least on the surface, though not quite normal inside lol is also important.

everyone's different obviously. :)



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21 Aug 2009, 7:43 am

I've always felt invisible so I'm probably not going to be to be as bothered when I hit 35 or 40. I have no idea what it's like to get a lot of male attention unless it's derogatory or for the wrong reasons.

There is something to be said for girls who only base their happiness on youth and looks alone.


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Trinny
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22 Aug 2009, 5:56 am

I’m so different of you.
Am I mad or is it Asperger’s?

i’d loved to be invisible! What a pleasure if people are not staring at you. I used to dress badly just to avoid any attention. Walking in the streets alone is a constant pain, I have warm feelings towards people who leave me alone, are not interested in me, respect my privacy.
I fall in love with men I know I never get. I’m always in love with someone, but never in a lasting relationship.
If someone comes closer, I don’t like him anymore.

I’m 32.

Of course it’s opposite with my opinions. I would hate if no one is listening.