Has anyone ever met an extreme narcissist?

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ford_prefects_kid
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15 Mar 2008, 11:49 pm

It's been suggested my dad has narcissism, as in the disorder. My mom justifies this by saying all professional musicians have narcissism- it's part of how they become successful.

I try very hard to keep myself from exhibiting these traits (I certainly HOPE I'm doing ok with that), and also find myself oddly drawn, at least initially, to men who show signs of this abnormal behavior- probably because I grew up so familiar with it.

I fell into that trap here my first semester a little bit- God, was that guy the biggest as*hole I have yet to get to know.
The term "creep" very much applies to him, also. He would stalk me, and accuse me of being a lesbian all the time because I wouldn't sleep with him.



KateShroud
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15 Mar 2008, 11:51 pm

That's not narssisistic. It's just stupidity that runs in cycles. Whatever the cause behind it, he should get some help. Especially if he has a child.



MR_BOGAN
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16 Mar 2008, 12:00 am

SilverProteus wrote:
People who have to prove they're better than you? People who cringe at the words "imperfection", "flawed", "old", "stupid?

I met one last year. A real creep, control freak, general load of insecurities, jealousy, need to be 'special', hated anyone perceived to be 'special' with all his guts, dreaded getting old without doing something 'special'. A real creep this one. One of his biggest fears was getting old in the meantime without doing anything that distinguished him, which caused him to be depressed and frustrated. His biggest ambition is to see his name in some important international journal, though I highly doubt that would ever happen as he just simply doesn't have what it takes. He's an English teacher, though he's not that good in that department (studied to much grammar and forgot some other aspects). He dreams of being a model (still - that's for little girls) and hates each wrinkle that appears on his face with all his heart. Face it, man, you're getting old. You're not going to be anything in this life. You just don't have what it takes.
Paranoid, delusional, depressed and afraid of his own shadow. He has an extreme sense of entitlement. Thinks he can control things which are way out of his control. He just doesn't get it. Why, I wonder?
A creep. I can't stress that enough. A creep.

So...have you had the pleasure to meet a similar creature?


I sadly havn't met a real narcissist like you describe. :(

I have always been drawn to people that are extreme and have a lot of character, he does sound very precious!!

Why didn't you just tell him he was the greatest just for amusement sake if you didn't like him?? Cutting him down to size is probably the best thing you could do to him.



Pobodys_Nerfect
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16 Mar 2008, 12:24 am

Do you think that Aspies are easy targets for narcissists?



MR_BOGAN
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16 Mar 2008, 12:29 am

Pobodys_Nerfect wrote:
Do you think that Aspies are easy targets for narcissists?


I think everybody can be a target of a narcissist.



pakled
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16 Mar 2008, 12:38 am

knew a fella like that a couple decades ago; he was a salesman (before they had sales people...;)

Not only did he think the world revolved around him, he got sales by seducing female purchasing agents (giving the term 'sales tool' a new meaning..;). Finally married a 'nice girl'...who turned out to be loaded. So was her gun; a few years later, he was found (or what was left of him) face down on his desk. His wife may be out of prison now, but I've always been ambivalent about whether he got his just deserts. No one is ever truly useless; they can always serve as a bad example...;)



gypsyRN
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16 Mar 2008, 2:24 am

In college, my junior year roommate transferred, and I got stuck with a freshman. Worst. Person. Ever.

She had NINE framed pictures of...HERSELF in our room. Not pictures of her with her boyfriend, or her with her family, but 5x7s and 8x10s of herself, in expensive frames, strategically placed on her desk, on her dresser, on bookshelf (which, oddly, held no books).

Even though I had brought a refrigerator and microwave which I'd purchased NEW 2nd semester of freshman year, she needed to go buy her own...because she didn't want to share (there were only 2 sets of outlets in the entire room).

She would get up at 6 for her 8am class (you could get to anywhere on the campus in 3-7 minutes...small school), so that she would have enough time to do her hair and makeup. I actually started having breathing problems the 2nd week of school because of all the hairspray, body spray, and perfume she was shrouding herself in every morning.

Her closet was organized not by color (as mine is...I know...OCD), but by type. She had purchased certain styles of shirts and pants in all the colors they were made in. "Which outfit looks better?" And she'd have on the same pants, and the same shirts, but in different colors. They looked the SAME.

She was obsessed with HER...her boyfriend, her PT job, her hair, her clothes. She bragged about these things on a daily basis. Completely shallow, yet somehow not totally stupid...just disgusting, to me.



MsTriste
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16 Mar 2008, 3:00 am

I married one. I didn't realize it soon enough. He took longer than me to get dressed and ready to go out, checking out his butt in the mirror. He thought he was a musician and spent $10,000 of his own money to make a CD of his really crappy song lyrics and voice that NOBODY bought. He was always right. It was always about him. No compassion whatsoever. I'm getting retraumatized so I need to stop thinking about it. Narcissists and AS do not go well together.



moose65536
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16 Mar 2008, 8:46 am

It seems that most people who have narcissism are not self-obsessed, but obsessed with other people, and how they are being viewed. It probably shows as selfishness, but if someone really thought the world revolved around them they wouldn't need to prove it to anyone because it just does (to them). A true narcissist would have extremely high self-esteem and doesn't need to advertise it.

Of course, that doesn't mean people who appear to be narcissits aren't annoying, they just are for different reasons, possibly.



SilverProteus
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16 Mar 2008, 11:16 am

moose65536 wrote:
A true narcissist would have extremely high self-esteem and doesn't need to advertise it.


That's not narcissism, that's plain arrogance.

The one I was talking about is also a bully. He constantly feel s the need to put others down (especially those he feels are in some way a threat - a real sicko) in order to feel better about himself. He does this because deep down he does not feel good about himself, he's not what he wants to be and feels deeply depressed and frustrated because of that.

In this case I know it's low self esteem, not just plain arrogance.

Insecurity mixed with jealousy. He hates those perceived as 'special' or different' in some way, may it be the person lived the life he so badly wanted as a child or has something he wants. he then makes himself feel special, cowardly hiding behind "ethics" in order to feel good about himself and obtain his narcissistic supply. This while hating the person's guts because of the reasons I listed and possibly more.


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SilverProteus
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16 Mar 2008, 11:57 am

MR_BOGAN wrote:
Why didn't you just tell him he was the greatest just for amusement sake if you didn't like him?? Cutting him down to size is probably the best thing you could do to him.


He already really wants to believe that he's the greatest...I don't know how much he actually believes in that and how much is to cut me down to size. :lol:


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NeantHumain
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16 Mar 2008, 1:02 pm

Yeah, I met a girl who had some aspects of narcissism one time, probably not much like this guy from the English department, though:

  • Extraverted, with lots of friends and acquaintances
  • Friendly, sweet, and pleasant when you first meet her
  • Adapts her personality closely to the people she's around; she would be what psychologists call a high self-monitor
  • Can also be very crass and even vulgar
  • Hypocritical/conniving (conniving means she is upset about outcomes of things she specifically instigated)
  • Emotionally easily excitable but at the same time seems to have an unexpectedly cold way of thinking about interpersonal relationships
  • Anger prone
  • Strong desire for independence yet strangely lets friends and family strongly influence major life decisions
  • Trolling tendencies IRL (may say things solely for shock value; her lying may also factor here)
  • Had a compulsion to say her experiences were either better (if positive) or worse (if negative); really just bizarre
  • Addictive tendencies (nicotine, alcohol)
  • Sadistic (desire to humiliate, lie because it offends, abstain from doing things out of cruelty rather than any particular personal desire not to); even assuming what she was doing would make people cry



EvilKimEvil
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16 Mar 2008, 1:25 pm

Quote:
Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love

(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends

(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8 ) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes

Reprinted with permission from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition. Copyright 1994 American Psychiatric Association


from http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/narcissisticpd.htm



SilverProteus
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16 Mar 2008, 5:20 pm

EvilKimEvil wrote:
Quote:
Diagnostic criteria for 301.81 Narcissistic Personality Disorder

A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

(1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements)

(2) is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love


(3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions)

(4) requires excessive admiration

(5) has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations

(6) is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends


(7) lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others

(8 ) is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her

(9) shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes


Reprinted with permission from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth Edition. Copyright 1994 American Psychiatric Association


from http://www.behavenet.com/capsules/disorders/narcissisticpd.htm


Those I know are characteristics this person presents to a degree. I'm not so sure on the empathy part.


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MissConstrue
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16 Mar 2008, 6:48 pm

Would someone with a Dissoassociate personality disorder fit that? I've often heard that amongst serial killers. I really don't know if that's even a real disorder but I've heard it brought up several times amongst those who prey constantly on the helpless. Now that's an extreme example, but I've often wondered if my brother would fit into that disorder.



SilverProteus
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16 Mar 2008, 6:57 pm

MissConstrue wrote:
Would someone with a Dissoassociate personality disorder fit that? I've often heard that amongst serial killers. I really don't know if that's even a real disorder but I've heard it brought up several times amongst those who prey constantly on the helpless. Now that's an extreme example, but I've often wondered if my brother would fit into that disorder.


As in Multiple Personality Disorder? :?


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