Page 2 of 3 [ 38 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Rainstorm5
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Feb 2008
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 948

21 Mar 2008, 7:20 pm

I can't fake it at all, and I've stopped trying. At my current job, I tried to smile at people and say 'hi' as I passed them in the halls on the way to my cubicle but all they did was give a weird look and went on ignoring me. After a while I overheard a couple of the girls in my department mimicking my speech and so on, which irritated me, so I stopped talking to them altogether. Now I don't bother to greet anyone. I usually don't speak to anyone at work unless I'm spoken to, either.


_________________
Terminal Outsider, rogue graphic designer & lunatic fringe.


MJIthewriter
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 18 Mar 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 212

21 Mar 2008, 9:06 pm

Rainstorm5:

If I was in your situation, here is what I wish I could do: (in my head it plays out seamlessly..in practice it likely wouldn't.)

The scene as I imagine it in my head:

I hear so and so talking about me making fun of me... Rather than ignore them (like I would normally do) I'd go right up and say, "Hi. Since when did you find it so cool to make fun of the autistic worker? (refering to myself) You think that is so cool to put me down to make you feel so hot. Well you're not."

Then I'd turn to the one who is listening and say, "You're putting up listening to her say this crap about me. Don't you ever wonder what things she may be saying behind your back?"

And if I happened to have been blessed to have overheard a conversation that backs up that point, now would be the time to speak up and get someone really mad...

Then I would say, "I could have passed it along, but I like to be treated with respect, so I treat you with respect. See you. Bye."


If only I can practice that so I don't stutter get teary or shaky, I think it would be a good set up for a movie or something. I want to become brave and speak up for myself, even if that makes me awkward. Heck I'm awkward and not popular anyway... By not saying anything when I should I'm only just letting things go like they are okay...

I'm not okay with that...



gypsyRN
Toucan
Toucan

User avatar

Joined: 24 Feb 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Female
Posts: 292
Location: Indiana, USA

21 Mar 2008, 10:29 pm

I can fake it really well. People who I have become friends with find me quirky, funny, uncensored...they don't feel like there's something "wrong" with me. IF I tell them, they laugh, then say, "Wait...you're serious???" Oddly though, it is harder for me to fake it in a job interview, because eye contact with strangers is something I still struggle with, in my late twenties. When I get nervous, I stim more, and am less likely to realize I'm stimming.

In the workplace there has only been one person ever who said, "Are you kind of...ret*d or...not really ret*d...but autistic or...something like that?" I said, "Yes," and he stood there dumbfounded for at least a minute, then apologized. He thought he was making a joke.

I can go downhill a bit in certain jobs, like waitressing, because I'm not good at small talk, and I really don't care about others' mundane lives (like their husband's job, their engagement ring, or their kid's poop). I just can't fake interest in that stuff, so I either don't say anything or accidentally say inappropriate things. Luckily though, I work super hard, and do an awesome job because I'm a perfectionist, so my work ethic and problem-solving skills make up for my social ineptitude. I think the trick to succeeding is to choose a job where intelligence and good work ethic can outweigh social networking skills. I think that for many cubicle-type jobs, this isn't the case. However, as a waitress, camp counselor, landscaper, cook, veterinary technician, nurse, or something similar, I think most of "us" would be able to do fairly well. I don't think we (as in Aspies) necessarily need to find a job that socially isolates us. Practice makes perfect, right? If you never get to practice the social song-and-dance, you'll never master it.

Maybe it helps that I'm able to manipulate my focus well, and have learned to come back from distractions relatively quickly (even though, when work is done, I'll dwell on them for hours).

Good luck!



Danielismyname
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Apr 2007
Age: 42
Gender: Male
Posts: 8,565

21 Mar 2008, 11:28 pm

It's impossible for me to mimic, to adapt any more than I already have; I went through nearly all of a regular high school without anyone knowing, and that's better than one can expect. My "friends" all approached me, and the friend I could interact with well I had known since grade 2.

I cannot work at the moment as people make me "shutdown"/"meltdown" (I'd like to be able to work).



kip
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,166
Location: Somewhere out there...

21 Mar 2008, 11:32 pm

Yea, I'm pretty good at faking being NT, but sometimes something just happens that sets me off and its almost like full blown autism compared to normal me. I don't look people in the eye though, never have been able to, I just look near the corners or something. And I try and find jobs that I can spend some time with people, because NT's are so fun to watch, but still lets me escape.

My boss knows I'm aspie, I didn't even tell him. His brother has autism, and he recognised it in me right away. Never said anything until today, I had a breakdown at work. Spent a lot of time staring at ANYTHING but a face, and I was stuck on the sales floor part of the time. He saw me hiding in the back room and showed me this 'cool new puzzle game'. Let me at it for hours before I even knew WTF was going on. But it got me back to normal, so I really thank him. And now I know something about myself I didn't know, which is that puzzle games work at calming me down.

I guess really, I learned to be like an NT just from school. I was the ONLY kid with any ASD in school, so I knew I was the odd one out. I spent all of elementry and most of junior school learning how the NTs did things, what sort of response was expected in a certain situation, so by high school I could almost pass as normal. Only my friends really know whats up, but anyone just making small talk wouldn't notice now. I guess I'd say the best way to pretend to be NT is to study them. It doesn't always work, I'm always behind on stuff, but then I just seem a bit eccentric to them.



Dhunter
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 30 Jan 2008
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 34

21 Mar 2008, 11:36 pm

I doubt I'll ever seem NT. I just can't for the life of me understand most people. I just run off to my computer or play solitare. I've stopped trying to be NT.


_________________
Why do I ask myself rhetorical questions?


ghostofzoelund
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 17 Mar 2008
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 34
Location: New York, NY

23 Mar 2008, 5:40 pm

Sora,

I completely identify with everything you said. I got lucky recently, got a job where I only work with two other people, both kind of weird, so we get along well. The job requirements are pretty AS-friendly, computer stuff, organizing things, busy work where I can zone out, etc, so I'm good at it, they respect that and leave me alone and let me do my thing.

This is the first job I've had where I feel somewhat comfortable, even though I'm pretty good at faking NT. At other jobs, I always quit due to the people, or the stress.

I hope you find something that suits you eventually, but don't beat yourself up about it. Lots of us have problems finding jobs and living independently.



Confused-Fish
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 12 Jan 2008
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 946
Location: trapped in a jar

23 Mar 2008, 5:51 pm

i used to be able to. now it just stresses me out loads.