To fake NT and being able
Sometimes its best to just be yourself.
I think that happens to a lot of people, actually. It's ok, just learn to do by doing! Most people aren't pre-packaged to do a certain job anyway: many jobs require that you learn specific skills on-site, as long as you are the type of person who can learn and adapt.
No prob pink... but I have to say something to most people who posted here...
Don't tell yourself you're "faking" it. You're not. We, as a group, are people who got stuck with a brain that made the ability to absorb and process social information, an act that many people take for granted and do with much less effort, a chore. You're not "faking" it any more than a person who goes out and practices their golf swing everyday is "faking" being a golfer. We're you "faking" it when you learned to tie your shoes? Nope... just learning a skill set.
You are a human, and humans by nature are social creatures. Some of us just have a harder time getting that skill down. I think many of us get so caught up with how "different" we are from most NT's that we forget how similar we are as well. Even many NT's have to "practice" certain social skills... and they're not "faking" it either.
If you say you're "faking"... you're convincing yourself that you're ultimately some sort of different species, or robot, or something that is incapable of really being social. Bullspit. Many of us were traumatized at a young age by certain social failings, and this caused us to bury ourselves in defense mechanisms. But we're still social. Why else would you be here asking these questions and meeting other autistics online?
You're not faking... you're admitting your personal shortcomings, and working around them to get better acquainted with a world that is not tailor-made for you socially. This should be a tremendous source of pride for all of us.
Hang in there...
Yeah, I've been fired too, but it's still a learning experience. (If I can do a job for even one day, I've broadened my horizons). I don't feel bad, because they are the ones that hired me. And some jobs I've actually done really well, even though I had no clue when I started... so it's worth the risk!
Exactly... I think that sometimes, if you do a really good job but don't act social towards your co-workers, they will see you as a threat. So just be friendly to them and say things like hi, how are you today, or give an occasional compliment--you don't need to put in too much of an effort, just so they know you're their fellow worker rather than an outsider.
Social_Fantom
Veteran
Joined: 22 Feb 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,895
Location: Trapped outside of the space time continuum
What TrubPotto said. Few people, autistic or NT or otherwise, feel competent and at ease on job interviews and with small-talk. I am not seamlessly social, and the people at my job are often baffled or annoyed by my attempts, but really they are willing to make allowances for my awkwardness if I don't scream or seem to be blaming them for my frustration. It's just a skill I haven't mastered. When you see a new kind of math problem for the first time, you don't even know what the symbols mean, and you have to look for someone or something to explain it to you. Even once you know, it takes a while before you don't have to consciously work through the steps or look it up, and even longer before you know which situations you'd use it in without clear prompting.
Trying for too much all at once can be a disaster (my job now I don't have to wear shoes or 'professional' clothes, and can go do tasks away from other people if I want, and it's not the end of the world if I have to take a day off), but I think most of us can learn to at least meet the social demands halfway. And more employers than you think will give you the other half, if you can do your job and look like you're trying to be friendly.
throughout my life i've put a lot of effort into learning to interact socially. it was sort of forced upon me because of my school situation, i either learned and improved, or i'd spend years as a social outcast getting teased and bullied. the years of bullying, though very unpleasant, are probably the reason i tried to learn (i'm not sure that i would have made as much effort had it not happened). once i got out of that harmful environment and into a better school, i was able to teach myself in a stress-free way to interact.
now, at the ripe old (haha yeah right) age of 19 i've learned to socialize well enough that my family refuses to believe i have an autistic spectrum disorder, but they don't see the thought and effort that goes into socializing. most of what i've learned is behavior-based. so if i'm talking to someone, i'll expect them to talk to me a certain way based on experience, if something unexpected happens that i haven't encountered, or haven't quite figured out yet, then i have a hard time reading them and trying to understand their body language. in normal social situations, however, i don't encounter many of those so i can generally pass as mostly normal.
as for holding a job, i've been able to hold all but one job. they've mostly been general labor (working a go-kart track, driving range, restoring decks, landscaping, etc) so i'll have to see how i manage in an office job. the reason i lost that one job, according to my boss, was because he lost contracts and didn't have enough work for all his employees. I think he was fed up with me showing up late (i was always there withing 5 minutes of work starting) and doing a sub par job in one area of work, but he never told me, he told my aunt.
tricks for learning to socialize:
What works for me is a combination of three things, careful observation, trial and error, and clear and defined instruction. observation and trial and error can be placed into the experience category you learn what to do based on past experiences. the instruction was given to me by my parents and siblings. They would tell me if i was doing something "wrong" or something that didn't conform to the social rules. it wasn't always deliberate, but they would give me some kind of a rule to follow and i'd try to remember it. the first example that i can remember was when my dad was trying to talk to me (age 6-8) and i was listening but i wasn't looking at him. he told me "Luc, when someone talks to you, you're supposed to look at them, it lets them know that you're listening" and from that day on i made an effort to look at people when they talk to me.
i always make really long posts, i hope you guys don't mind. i just always seem to have one more thing to add. also i just figure that if someone finds it too long they won't bother reading it.
Yes I do this, I "fake" NT sometimes.
When I am in a social group or whatever full of NTs, I always think about "what an NT people would say/do" before doing/saying something. Hardest thing for me is reading/showing emotions.
I do this since I am a teen I think.
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Don't fly in anything with a Capissen 38 engine, they fall right out of the sky...
I am always in process of learning. I try to analyze what went wrong last time and try to do better the next. Only each situation is different and I have to relearn... It's like what I had to do in math with proofs... The only way I could do it was get the problem wrong on the test, find the correct answer.
Since I could use my notes on the test, I recorded the process and the correct answer. That way, if the same equation showed up but with different numbers I could get it right. If not then I recorded the correct answer into my notes. I repeated the process. Thankfully the semester ended and I could drop out while I had an A, thus preventing the proofs to be a detriment.
If you haven't guessed, I'm not a math skilled autistic. Even so, I take that sort of thought process though with social situations. If something goes wrong, I try to break down the equasion once I have the knowledge and wisdom to figure out a better alternative of behaving.
That way I'm trying to better myself and hone what skills I have. I'm always learning and struggling. It’s an ongoing process.
Usually people don't think I'm autistic right away. I appear perfectly normal for the first day or so... Eventually people find out something is different. I can't fake much... I can't fake at all, although sometimes I wish to and sometimes I may seem to be faking.
I am learning however, sometimes it helps to speak up and say hey I have A, or I'm A and I need this thing changed...
I've had to speak up to get florescent light bulbs replaced. I told someone about that today. I can't believe that a flickering burned out light bulb only bothers autistic people. I bet there's several people secretly wishing that light be changed, only they don't have the courage to speak up and get it fixed.
I can't fake it at all, and I've stopped trying. At my current job, I tried to smile at people and say 'hi' as I passed them in the halls on the way to my cubicle but all they did was give a weird look and went on ignoring me. After a while I overheard a couple of the girls in my department mimicking my speech and so on, which irritated me, so I stopped talking to them altogether. Now I don't bother to greet anyone. I usually don't speak to anyone at work unless I'm spoken to, either.
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Terminal Outsider, rogue graphic designer & lunatic fringe.