My family doesn't seem to believe that I have aspergers

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tailfins1959
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08 Apr 2008, 6:41 am

pat666rick wrote:
What do you do when your family doesn't believe that you have aspergers? I tell my family that I have aspergers and they just say things like "oh no, you're just shy" or "you just have to push your ass and get a job". It's really starting to piss me off.



Some people are just intent on being a butthole. If someone won't tolerate your AS bevavior in spite of your best efforts to mitigate it, then limit contact with any such people. You're lucky in that you get described as "shy", the word I hear too often is "weird".



toby2
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08 Apr 2008, 7:15 am

hmm well i was going to say weird, but i normaly find that people who call me weird are uneducated and are weird them selves. if some one does call me weird or strange then i try to look at there view of normality and usualy find that what they will call normal is not what i would like to be. hope that makes sense. if some one who i see as normal calls me weird then it hurts 8O .



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08 Apr 2008, 7:26 am

pat666rick wrote:
What do you do when your family doesn't believe that you have aspergers? I tell my family that I have aspergers and they just say things like "oh no, you're just shy" or "you just have to push your ass and get a job". It's really starting to piss me off.


Having AS does NOT mean you can't get a job, no matter WHAT some people here say! Heck, I had to PUSH myself to get my first job.

At about 16: boxboy(It was the first thing I found)
A bit later: PC Board inspector(It was the first thing I found)
At about 18: self employed computer consultant.
In my 20s on: programmer

I got my first job by going to the unemployment office, and looked at the board.



Kaleido
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08 Apr 2008, 7:55 am

2ukenkerl wrote:
Having AS does NOT mean you can't get a job, no matter WHAT some people here say! Heck, I had to PUSH myself to get my first job.

True enough, but keeping them can be a problem. I think the answer is to work for oneself or find something where you don't have to have too much contact with others.



Danielismyname
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08 Apr 2008, 8:11 am

2ukenkerl wrote:
Having AS does NOT mean you can't get a job, no matter WHAT some people here say!


Of course, and neither does autistic disorder.

sinsboldly,

My mother is completely "NT", and she understands me perfectly. Ironically enough, my father who is an "aspie", cannot understand me at all.



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08 Apr 2008, 9:19 am

I get this all the time. Even by a professional. I will never entertain the possibility that I am an NT. So Jesus is the truth of the Universe I am an aspie, I am an extreme example.

See how many slightly retared NTs can pass the Sun Java Developer and Sun Java System Architect Certificate and I will give you £100 for each that passed.



Last edited by Aspie_Chav on 08 Apr 2008, 9:24 am, edited 1 time in total.

Mumof5
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08 Apr 2008, 9:23 am

Coming from a parent's point of view (one who has an Aspie child and my parents and in-laws are either clueless or in completle denial.):

Sometimes a parent can be afraid to admit that anything is wrong with their child. Many older people are very uneducated about Autism and Asperger's, so when they hear the word "Autism" they automatically think of Rain Man (as mentioned above) and of kids in helmets banging their heads into walls and things of that nature. Often times they are also afraid that perhaps it is something that they did, or didn't do, that caused their child to be different.... again, it boils down to them not being educated about all of it. If all they are hearing about Aspergers is from your own mouth, then perhaps find them something online to read, or a book. Maybe this will help them to realise that this isn't just a condition that you created.

In just my immediate family there are some of the thoughts that people have about my son's condition:

1. My mother goes into the whole: well he was misdiagnosed for so many years, what makes you so sure that this is really what is going on this time??? (my response is - none of the pieces completely fit before, and none of the methods did either. And now they do.... it still doesn't convince her.)

2. My father: Doesn't believe there is anything wrong with my son other than the fact that I just need to "beat his ass a bit more". meh..yeah...anyway.

3. My mother-in-law is obviously irritated by my son, and even though we have tried to explain to her why he gets in his 'moods' and why he gets agitated and hyper when there are a lot of people around - she doesn't get it and just sits there looking totally annoyed. :/ She is also convinced that I can't parent well and that is why he acts like he does. (funny thing...the other 4 don't have the same struggles....)



Point being -- different members of your family are going to have different opinions about all of this. Some are going to want to believe you and try to help you work through struggles and to strengthen your good points even more. And some are going to just sit by and say "oh he is just making up excuses for things." IMHO educating them is going to be the best way to go. I think the reason that so many parents in my school of thought feel how we do about Autism and Aspergers, is that for quite a long time, we spend every waking hour reading about it and researching it. That's just how most parents are, once a doctor says _________ we don't stop until we know absolutely everything about that. Education is totally the key.


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sinsboldly
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08 Apr 2008, 10:35 am

Danielismyname wrote:

sinsboldly,

My mother is completely "NT", and she understands me perfectly. Ironically enough, my father who is an "aspie", cannot understand me at all.


When were your mother and father diagnosed?
Merle



silentchaos
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08 Apr 2008, 10:58 am

The only problem i have ever had with this is when my grandmother says things along the lines of,"Don't say you have that, you're not ret*d!", if i ever mention anything related to autism. She doesn't see how i could possibly take that as her calling me stupid... And she was there when i was DXed. :?



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08 Apr 2008, 11:25 am

I tried to convince my NT wife that I am Aspie. After a couple of years I gave up trying. Then she took the Aspie Quiz and compared her scores to mine. She believes now.


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Kaleido
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08 Apr 2008, 11:29 am

Mudboy wrote:
I tried to convince my NT wife that I am Aspie. After a couple of years I gave up trying. Then she took the Aspie Quiz and compared her scores to mine. She believes now.

Now I am curious did she come out with an NT kind of score or an aspie one?



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08 Apr 2008, 12:21 pm

Her score was classic NT by number and shape.


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Aspie score: 155 of 200
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Brandon-J
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08 Apr 2008, 12:27 pm

My parents are pretty much the same. My dad don't think anything is wrong with me. Prolly just think im shy. And is really pushing me to find a job.



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09 Apr 2008, 12:09 am

A - Some people can be educated. If they want to be educated.

B - Others live in denial of your condition, because they've chosen denial over dealing with it.

C - And others will not care what you have. They reject you for being different regardless of whether you're just too selfish to snap out of it or you have a condition that's causing the differences. They're not in denial, they just don't like you.

Trying to get someone to move from one of these categories to another is practically impossible and a waste of your energies. Better concentrate on advancing your life. It'll take up half the time and energy and make a meaningful improvement in your life, while these people never will.

This is my experience at 46, and I wish someone had told me in my teens.


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sinsboldly
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09 Apr 2008, 12:16 am

Greentea wrote:
A - Some people can be educated. If they want to be educated.

B - Others live in denial of your condition, because they've chosen denial over dealing with it.

C - And others will not care what you have. They reject you for being different regardless of whether you're just too selfish to snap out of it or you have a condition that's causing the differences. They're not in denial, they just don't like you.

Trying to get someone to move from one of these categories to another is practically impossible and a waste of your energies. Better concentrate on advancing your life. It'll take up half the time and energy and make a meaningful improvement in your life, while these people never will.

This is my experience at 46, and I wish someone had told me in my teens.


QFT



sinsboldly
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09 Apr 2008, 12:16 am

Greentea wrote:
A - Some people can be educated. If they want to be educated.

B - Others live in denial of your condition, because they've chosen denial over dealing with it.

C - And others will not care what you have. They reject you for being different regardless of whether you're just too selfish to snap out of it or you have a condition that's causing the differences. They're not in denial, they just don't like you.

Trying to get someone to move from one of these categories to another is practically impossible and a waste of your energies. Better concentrate on advancing your life. It'll take up half the time and energy and make a meaningful improvement in your life, while these people never will.

This is my experience at 46, and I wish someone had told me in my teens.


QFT