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RainKing
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15 Apr 2008, 10:42 pm

I'm always learning new things about the world of "love and dating", and here's the latest thing that I've learned.

One of the greatest hangups that I have had in trying to interact successfully with members of the female species ( :roll: etc.) is that I was unable to relate to them as equals, to "see eye-to-eye" with them. I've realized that this is one of the most important skills to have.

The reason that I didn't have this ability was that my experience with females was out of balance. The women with the most influence on my life were my mother and school teachers. These were all women in positions of authority over me. I only knew how to relate to women as superiors, not equals. My inclinations when interacting with females were to do everything that they say and to not ask questions. Acting that way didn't get me anywhere in love.

Recently I have suddenly gained some experience that has balanced out the way that I relate to women. I have two younger half-sisters, and I was visiting with them last week. By the end of the week, I realized that my relationship with them was unlike any that I had had before. I was actually in the position of authority over them, and this position demands skills that I didn't know how to use before. I take the lead in what activities we do, they need my permission to do certain kinds of things, and my time is a valuable resource (the person with the authority is the one whose time is relatively more valuable). I have realized that I can use these abilities in interactions with my female peers to be able to level the playing field, to be able to see eye-to-eye with them, because neither of us has or deserves more power than the other. A balanced give-and-take is crucial to a successful relationship-building interaction. If the power tips too far to either side, then rapport falls apart.

I can provide an example of how I have just started to put this knowledge to use. I was at a party this past Saturday night where I saw some old friends. One of them was a girl who I have always been on great terms with, but we had never communicated enough to have a real friendship. I found myself relating to her on a perfect level, I was seeing eye-to-eye with a girl my age for the first time. It felt really good. We shared a few things with each other, and we agreed that we should see more of each other rather than less.

I hope that I have provided some useful advice. I know that there are more substantive details that could be provided, so I won't mind questions about clarifying something.



deathchibi
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18 Apr 2008, 11:40 pm

thats quite interesting to read...
:wtg: :wtg: :wtg:


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Belfast
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19 Apr 2008, 4:01 am

Sounds like one of those things that comes with age/aging, how generational roles shift. Everybody gets older at same rate, but how this affects relationships varies over time.
Realize my answer doesn't address "love & dating"-but it seems a related principle/concept.
What you describe could also occur (in opposite direction) for females who grow up only seeing/experiencing males in role of powerful stoic authority figure, and who at last find a nice guy who doesn't remind them of that dynamic/pattern/inequality.

One tends to be "under the thumb" of many people (adults, especially) in childhood. We've all heard or know of adults who've had to take care of their aging parents, similar to how the parents had previously taken care of (raised) their children. In adulthood, one's pre-existing relationships can change, for instance with family members-they're no longer "the boss", which can be liberating-and also a bit overwhelming, if one's not prepared for having sole responsibility for one's own life.


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Dracula
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19 Apr 2008, 6:55 am

Good to hear you can better relate to women. When I first entered the dating world, the typical personalities of the other gender were... pretty uninteresting to me. And then at some point, it clicked, and I found the mind of a woman can be just as profound, if not moreso, than the typical guy.

Women are also better conversationalists, I find.

- D