How do you (or we) handle love, and a romantic relationship?

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[quote="NeantHumain"]. What I've had to learn is to minimize doing that sort of thing because then you seem desperate. Whether you do it out of desperation or good will and a simple desire to doesn't matter. The girl will likely perceive it as desperation and be turned off. It's very counterintuitive.[/b]

ain't that the truth. One thing I've been told is that for women 29 and under, pay no attention to them, treat them like your not attracted to them, and never call. For women 30 and over, do all of the opposite. Very, very confusing, but true.

I'm in the same boat as you hadapurpura and given the negative experience of my dad and his ex wife's relationship which I experienced from the sidelines for 5 years. I am very unsure if I want to be in one ever, it seems like all work and toil. Do not dish me I would love to be in a relationship, but it have to be with right woman.

I handle relationships incredibly poorly. I have no idea what's going on in there minds if they don't tell me exactly, I get confused and assume they don't like me and then end up driving them away since they feel I don't care about them.

I was with my ex wife for over ten years. At first cos it was all new and exiting, things were great.

However as time progressed, i felt the urge to pull away. I found that when she touched me, I would cringe. it was horrible. As time passed, I distanced myself from her. In the end I couldn't stand it any longer and we seperated. I didn't know why it was happening.

Also it didn't help when I became infatuated with one of her friends. I told this friend how I felt (big mistake) and I also told my wife about it (bigger mistake) and it became one big mess and I just ended up feeling confused.

It is only in last few months that I have found out about A/S.

I was happier for a while on my own. Now I don't know what I want.

That's also been the story of my relationships thus far. I have not yet had the experience of successfully pursuing a relationship with someone I'm really attracted to, it's always just been accepting who's attracted to me.

I really hate to admit this but both my relationships to date have grown out of following up with women whom I casually slept with. I guess that having been a virgin at age 27 I just decided that I couldn't handle the humiliation of the courtship process; I only wanted to pursue relationships with women that I knew were attracted to me. The first time, this meant being with someone nearly 15 years my senior for almost five years, three of which we were living together, and 18 months of that realizing I'd made a huge mistake and trying to get out. She simply couldn't deal with my vagueness, my need to be alone at times or my fairly feminine behaviour (I was not yet diagnosed with, nor was I even aware of, Asperger's at this time) but she didn't want the relationship to end, regardless of what I was doing or how she reacted.

Needless to say she was devastated which was the last thing that I wanted. I'm happy to say, though, that we have maintained a close friendship since.

My other relationship - which ended nearly a year ago - was shorter lived and much less serious. There was mutual agreement from day one that we didn't belong together. The physical attraction was strong but her fiery temperament (ethnic background withheld here!!) just did not mix with my quiet air of confusion...nor my rapidly declining work/financial situation. It was in the last days of the relationship that I found out about Asperger's and even before being diagnosed she agreed that it explained everything. This time I was the dumpee...missed her for months even though I knew I should have been happy. Now I am...

As for now...well needless to say I get lonely, I get attracted to women (in one instance, obsessively) and wonder if some others aren't attracted to me; but sometimes I just feel like relationships may be more trouble than they're worth?

I've been in a few relationships. Something you need to know is that if you are in a relationship, make sure your significant other listens to you. If you don't like a ton of kissing and what not because it makes you feel uncomfortable, then let them know. Some things come naturally and some things don't (In my case, most things don't.).

Be yourself and you'll do fine. If they really are interested in you, they will understand what you tell them. My worst relationship was with a girl who didn't understand that my "problems" simly won't go away.