All my friends had a party and didn't invite me

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I know what you mean. I haven't been invited several times, and still I do not know why. I am kind, nice, friendly, etc., but I still discover that my closest friends had a movie night or a birthday party, weeks ago. It still hurts me, I won't get used to it. I realize they aren't REAL friends, because if they were, they would have invited me, just because you don't want a friend to get hurt, because you care about each other.

I realize too, that if they would really like me, they would invite me, for my presence that they like. Because they don't, I believe that they don't even like my being-around, or else they would have asked me to come too. Every time I discover it, it hurts me to know that literally no one likes my presence, something I don't get, I am nice and friendly, and when I trust people, I can be a weird, but I am always nice to others. When I discuss it with them, they come with rediculous arguments and weak excuses, say they will call me but never actually do it.

That has happend to a countless amount of times but I still try to keep them as friends because I kind of would rather have bad friends instead of no friends at all.

I will add: Being ignored or ostrasized IS a form of bullying. Ideally, no one, including adults, should behave in this way. But they do. In some ways, that mysterious_misfit was not invited is an indication that perhaps these 'friends' really are not.

Like NeantHumain wrote, sometimes NTs feel as if they can just make the decisions for you (in paraphrase). This is a good point and implies they may be 'downgrading.' Unacceptable! mysterious_misfit - I really feel for you and you deserve better.

Can you find some others that might have more in common? Maybe like a 'fun' group that has the similar interests? I've been excluded too and I know the hurt......I am sad for you. You didn't do anything wrong! Some NTs do like the feeling of superiority, but it's just their own deluded perception.

I agree with others though; I do not think confrontation is appropriate. At worst, they could retaliate with gossip, etc. Their actions speak for themselves and the message is quite clear.

But you have friends here! And we don't exclude.

MemberSix - You do have a point. Being autistic, I am really shy and socially naive. But I kind and would never hurt anyone. I make certain to not exclude when I am in the rare position that I could (like what I related above).

I do think NTs could learn that autistics can be true and loyal friends. I try VERY hard, and I think most other's of my kind do too. Would it kill any given NT to be considerate? I guess their 'omission,' which is justified as being necessary, like in your example, is another way to divide. You're right: I do take things to personally. And I am conscientious to a fault.

Maybe if an exclusionary NT could FEEL what that hurt is they would behave differently. Also, just because I'm autistic (& shy!) does not in any way make asocial or antisocial. I'm not.

I guess it's ok to add: I read a fairly recent post by NeantHumain (I apologize if I quote out of context, NeantHumain, not my intent). He basically wrote (w/ respect to having a girlfriend) that he wished he could 'have a personality.' Nonsense. Of course NeantHumain has a personality - and he's fun too. I think many NTs would be downright envious of his qualities. I felt sad that his confidence, like mine, is so hurt by others who are exlude since their tiny narrow parameters don't include different ways of being.

Its kind of a sore spot for me, as a child I would have a so called friend invite me to a birthday party, well I would show up at the door present in hand, and get told at the door that I wasn't invited by the mother, I would have preferred never being invited to anything.

i invited a bunch of people to my birthday party...free food and still only two showed up...and they are the two that spend the weekend all the time anyway
i've really wanted to have a party since we bought this house but every time i try it flops...i'm not sure what i'm doing wrong except maybe the people i'm inviting aren't friends so much as aquaintances and maybe i'm being too informal? i think i try too hard to be liked sometimes *sigh*

Dude, that happens to me all the time. I just assume it's because their parties (and just high school parties in general) involve drugs and alcohol, and they know I'm against that stuff.

The reason I haven't had my birthday party yet is some of my friends don't get along, but I don't want to just leave some of them out...

it happened to me because I would get invited all throughout elementary, middle school, and early highschool, but i would always reject their invitations because i was afriad that it would be outside of my comfort zone. From then on I never got invited unless it was a class party, or my close friends invited me. It hurts, but I've found that the more stuff I involve myself in, the more oppurtunities i have to make friends. Like don't just go to college and work, go to the gym or running at a park on a regular basis, and you'll see the same people over and over and eventually youll just introduce yourselves because you've seen each other so many times. I go running every night around 9 at this park and I see lots of the same faces and I talk to some people.

When this happens to me, I feel devastated.

that must have been very disturbing for you I have an aspie teen and he is often left out. He would always like to be included even if it wasn't his thing. My advice is something I have learnt through N VC first explain how it made you feel to be left out eg I felt hurt and sad when I heard about the baby shower then say what you need eg i need to be included in the group in the future then request would you please let me know when any social gatherings are happening
the rule in nvc is to first drop your initial judgement like they are exclusive or mean next say how you feel eg; sad lonely afraid then what you need, then your request. for more info look into non voilent comunication. It has helped me talk alot clearer.

I can understand how you feel completely; I'd be extremely hurt to find out my friends had had a babyshower party and not invited me (in fact, I'd probably turn into the bad fairy from Sleeping Beauty)

But some of the other posters here have a point; if you've already turned down several invites or are very withdrawn, they may not realise that you wish to be invited to other events. I'm not sure if telling them how hurt you are is such a good idea though(this may make them feel guilty or that you are trying to make them feel guilty, provoking a retaliation along the lines of 'well, we never knew you'd be interested!' i.e. they'd try to pin the blame back on you!) .

Perhaps a better way to avoid this in future would be to say 'wow, that sounds so much fun! I really wish I'd been there to see it!' (act all cheerful and as if it's not a big deal at all). If they are really your friends, they will get the hint and make sure to ask you in future (they may also feel guilty about not having invited you this time, but it won't seem like you've been trying to give them a guilt trip, so they won't hold it against you).

If they still don't invite you to events, then stuff them. They obviously haven't allowed you in the 'circle' and you can either spend years trying to break through, or just move on. If they are that cliquey, perhaps it's all for the best!