All my friends had a party and didn't invite me

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jewelsspain
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02 Sep 2008, 7:53 am

that must have been very disturbing for you I have an aspie teen and he is often left out. He would always like to be included even if it wasn't his thing. My advice is something I have learnt through N VC first explain how it made you feel to be left out eg I felt hurt and sad when I heard about the baby shower then say what you need eg i need to be included in the group in the future then request would you please let me know when any social gatherings are happening
the rule in nvc is to first drop your initial judgement like they are exclusive or mean next say how you feel eg; sad lonely afraid then what you need, then your request. for more info look into non voilent comunication. It has helped me talk alot clearer.



Lene
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05 Sep 2008, 12:18 pm

I can understand how you feel completely; I'd be extremely hurt to find out my friends had had a babyshower party and not invited me (in fact, I'd probably turn into the bad fairy from Sleeping Beauty)

But some of the other posters here have a point; if you've already turned down several invites or are very withdrawn, they may not realise that you wish to be invited to other events. I'm not sure if telling them how hurt you are is such a good idea though(this may make them feel guilty or that you are trying to make them feel guilty, provoking a retaliation along the lines of 'well, we never knew you'd be interested!' i.e. they'd try to pin the blame back on you!) .

Perhaps a better way to avoid this in future would be to say 'wow, that sounds so much fun! I really wish I'd been there to see it!' (act all cheerful and as if it's not a big deal at all). If they are really your friends, they will get the hint and make sure to ask you in future (they may also feel guilty about not having invited you this time, but it won't seem like you've been trying to give them a guilt trip, so they won't hold it against you).

If they still don't invite you to events, then stuff them. They obviously haven't allowed you in the 'circle' and you can either spend years trying to break through, or just move on. If they are that cliquey, perhaps it's all for the best!