Does my son have Asperger's Syndrome?

Post Reply New Topic

Hello

My 18 year old son is starting at the University of Michigan in the fall, going for a degree in Electrical Engineering. I am happy for him. He has always been a very smart person with an amazing ability in math. We often jokingly call our son calculator head. But my son has always struggled when dealing with other people. He has a hard time making freinds, and has yet to even go on a date. When I ask him why, he just says that dating is more trouble then its worth. There is also other odd things about him, for example he avoids going to parties, and often times seems very aloof. I just assumed it was part of his personality until he told me about a conversation he had at college.

As part of the college entry proceedings, each new student spends about half an hour with a freshman counsler, answering any questions that the new student has. This freshman counsler, who has a son with Asperger's Syndrome, mentioned that my son might have it too. My son looked it up and said that it sounded like him, then he told me about it.

I went online, and researched a bit about Asperger Syndrome, and found this website. I dont know if my son has Asperger's Syndrome, but it does seem to explain a bit about his odd behavior. so, I am wondering, is there any test to determine whether or not he has this? And what are the signs of Asperger's Syndrome? Is there anything I can do about this?

Please help.

First off, dont panic. Even if your son has AS (Asperger's Syndrome), that doesnt mean there is anything wrong with him. Many people who have AS have been very productive in life. Famous people with AS include Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Bill gates, Thomas Jefferson, and Nicolas Tesla.

If your son has made it to college without any large problems, then he most likely has a mild case of Asperger's Syndrome (if he even has it). Furthermore, a small talk with the college guidance counselor really isnt enough for a complete diagnosis. It is possible your son has Asperger's Syndrome, it sounds like it might apply based on the information you've given. But it would be best for you to research the topic thoroughly yourself first before coming to a conclusion. And remember to talk with your son. Odds are that he knows what is going on in his life much better then you do.

The best way to determine if somebody has AS is to compare him to the DSM IV Criteria. Thats what professionals use to define AS. Unfortunately it is somewhat vague and doesnt give very many examples. So Here is a list of the criteria, and some examples you might see of it.

The 'marked impairments in the use of multiple nonverbal behaviors' is fairly strait forward. Your son might not have many facial expressions. Or he might use them at the wrong time. For example he might look angry when he is just concentrating on something. Or he may not smile and appear happy when he really is. He might not look you in the eye while speaking to you, or listening, like a normal person would.

The 'failure to develop peer relationships appropriate to developmental level' is again strait forward. As you said yourself, he has trouble making friends, and he has yet to go on a date. He may also fail to initiate friendships. As in he will go to a movie if invited, but he will rarely be the person to call others and invite them over.

The 'lack of spontaneous seeking to share' is somewhat harder to explain. Basically, most people will gladly show off thier awards, and talk about how they got them. Most people with AS will accept an award, and then put it away and not tell others about it. Your son may also get annoyed with you if you 'brag' about what he accomplished, such as telling others he got good grades. Most people with AS dont like to bring attention to themselves.

The 'lack of social or emotional reciprocity' basically means that he doesnt have a lot of empathy. For example, if he watches an emotional show where people are upset and crying, he wont feel much for them. He will probably consider them to be 'overly emotional and crazy'. He will also get bored watching suspense or drama shows because he doesnt identify with the characters.

Your son may not show all of these signs, but if he has AS, he should show at least 2 of them.



This is where the psychological mumbo jumbo becomes bothersome.

Number 1 basically means that he is very interested in a certain area of information. Normal people have hobbies like watching sports, or playing video games. People with AS also have hobbies, but usually these hobbies are gathering vast amounts of information. For example, instead of watching sitcoms, your son may spend time watching documentaries. He may also spend a lot of time browsing Wikipedia looking up obscure facts about things like nuclear powered rockets, or the workings of a LCD television. This need to gather information should be obvious from a very young age. For example, when your son was young he may have been very fascinated with things like rockets, robots, computers, etc. He probably read a lot about it, and had a vast amount of information stored in his brain. Children with AS are often called little professors because they know so much information about a specific topic.

The 'adherence to specific, nonfunctional routines or rituals' varies from person to person. In some cases, it just means that the person has a habit of eating the same meals over and over. In others it means that certain things must always be done the same way. For example, your son might always have a routine that he goes through when he is about to take a test.

'stereotyped and repetitive motor mannerisms' are more commonly referred to as stims. They are basically any repetitive action done by the person with AS in order to calm themselves, and think more clearly. Common ones include rocking back and forth, pacing (walking around when trying to think), picking at his hands/fingernails. Biting his lip, bouncing his leg up and down, etc. These behaviors may seem odd, but they help your son think better.

'persistent preoccupation with parts of objects' means that your son will probably be more interested in the way things work then the actual use of the item. For example, if you give a normal child a BB gun, he will probably go out and shoot things. If you give a child with AS a BB gun, he will probably take it apart to see how it works. People with AS generally like toys like k'nex or legos. Not because they want to build the lego spaceship, then play with it. They just want to build something. AS is sometimes nicknamed Engineer's Syndrome because of this.



Basically, this means that the signs of AS should be more then just a simple fascination with how something works. It should be something a bit more obvious. If your son seems to have no social skills, or is considered anti-social, then thats a sign its more then just a small little quirk.



This is what separates Asperger's Syndrome from High Functioning Autism. AS and HFA are pretty much the exact same condition, the only difference between the two is speech delay. If you have a speech delay, then your HFA. If you talk on schedule, then you have AS.



This last one basically just to make sure that your son has AS, and not mental retardation. But if he just got into U of M, then I think your safe there.

There is also other signs of AS that arent listed in the DSM IV. Ill talk about these below, and how they might appear in your son.

Most people with AS seem to have their senses out of whack. They might hear things, see things, or feel things differently then normal people. For example, your son's hearing may be very sensitive to loud, or high pitched noises. What sounds like a baby crying to you, might sound like nails on a chalkboard to him (very painful and distracting). Likewise, he may have trouble processing many sounds at once. For example, he will have a hard time hearing you if you are in a noisy place like a mall or grocery store. Have you ever noticed him cringe when you talk in a loud, high pitched voice (I.E. cheering loudly)? Likewise, he might be very sensitive to bright lights, or have problems with feeling too cold when everybody else is fine. Not everybody with AS has these sensory problems, but most have at least 1 sense that is a bit off.

People with AS also seem to take things literally. For example, you might ask your son what the color of his heart is. You intended this to ask about his emotions, or values. He would answer that his heart is made mostly of muscle fiber which is red in color. Most people with AS do understand analogies, and metaphors, but unless they know to look for a double meaning, they generally dont bother. For example, if your son read that in poetry, he would understand that it was talking about feelings. But just asking the question in conversation generally wouldnt make him consider it from a metaphorical angle.

People with AS also tend to be somewhat clumsy or uncoordinated. Odds are that your son was never very good at sports. If your son had other problems which made him bad at sports (such as asthma, or a small body) then it wouldnt be immediately obvious, because you would assume his poor performance at sports was based on that. Odds are that his handwriting is horrible, even to this day.

Another characteristic of AS is that people often times look younger then they actually are. For example, your 18 year old son might only look 15 years old. This doesnt happen with everybody with AS, but it happens somewhat often.

Perhaps one of the most obvious characteristics of AS is to have an odd speech pattern. For example, your son may talk in a monotone voice. He could also speak too fast, or have breaks in his speech. For example, he might say a few words quickly, then stop and think for a few seconds, then say a few more words quickly and stop to think again. This would result in his speech coming out jerky in fast bursts. His speech may also be off because he talks too loudly, or too softly. This is generally more noticeable in younger children. As people with AS grow older they become better at controlling their volume, pitch, and rhythm. Think back to when your child was younger, did he talk too softly or loudly, or in an odd way? Did your son's teachers say anything about his odd speech?

Most people with AS dont really care much about physical appearances. They will take care of their own hygiene, but often times wont put a lot of effort into looking a certain way. This means that they wont care about popular clothing, or hairstyles, or making sure their pants match their shirt. This also means that they probably wont care about what other people wear, or how they look.

People with AS also seem to have a normal to high IQ. They also seem to have an excellent long term memory. They may not remember details about what somebody was wearing, but they can remember the plot to a show they watched 5 years ago after only seeing 30 seconds of it.

People with AS also seem to ignore social hierarchy, meaning they view everybody as equals. That means they consider everybody to be on equal terms, even if they happen to be their parent, teacher, or boss. This means that saying 'Do it because I say so, and I am your teacher/parent/etc.' doesnt really mean anything to them. After all, if your brother told you 'Do my chores because I say so, and I am your brother' would you consider that a good reason? People with AS will questions instructions that they dont understand instead of blindly accepting like most children. This often leads them to be labeled as 'head strong', 'defiant', or 'strong willed'. But the good news is that if you treat them with respect, then they will treat you the same way. It also lets them to be very accepting of anybody despite the common social stigmas against them.

Not everything Ive said here may fit your son. AS affects each person differently, so some of this may not apply. But if your son does have AS, then a lot of this should sound familiar. Keep in mind, that these signs shouldn't just be something that happened within the last year. If it is AS, your son was born with it. Think back to your son's early childhood. Did he get along well with other children? Did the teachers ever say anything about your son not playing well with others? Did you notice anything about an odd speech pattern when he was younger? It might be worth looking up any records you have of your son's early childhood, such as teacher's notes.

In any case, if this sounds like your son, then you might want to do more research on AS. This forum is a great place to start. Other people on these boards with AS are often a better source of information about AS then psychiatrists, or other autism 'experts'. No offense against these professionals, but people with the syndrome generally know more about it then somebody who has only read about it in books. Talk with your son about it, and see what he has to say.

One thing you might want to try is filling out this survey. Obviously, your son would do a better job at it then you would, so having him fill it out instead would give better results.

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

Its designed to find the differences between people with AS, and normal people. Its based on clinical diagnosis tests, so its a bit more accurate then the personality quizzes in Cosmo.

If you haven't already, you might want to look at the Wikipedia article on AS. Keep in mind, that this article is written mostly about young children with AS. Not everything in the article may sound like your son today. People with AS generally try to hide, or adapt to their difference as they grow older. The more they try to fit in, the less obvious these signs can become. It can be found on this link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome

Last edited by Tracker on 07 Aug 2008, 10:08 pm, edited 1 time in total.

He DOES sound like he could be! That certainly isn't a bad thing. Your description sunds like he got a lot of the good, and your doubt indicates he got little of the bad.

And I was going to be an electronic engineer! I ended up going into computers.

AS just gives it a NAME!

I'm not a doctor, BUT I watch them on TV, and my opinion is that he prob. does have AS.

Never heard of that but its interesting considering at 26 years old I can still be given the under 12 menu at a restaurant.







I have AS and have graduated college with straight A's in all classes - for both my bachelor and masters degree. I can also tell you all about my 3rd birthday party in pre-school.




This can also have its benefits though, as there as nothing about being younger or less experienced that means you are less insightful about a subject matter. I know an aspie whose a CEO and one of the things he's told me that has helped him the most in his career as that he treats everyone as an equal and listens to their advice whether or not they are young/old/male/female etc. He's also listened to my advice on how he should parent his adult kids even though i'm not a parent and Ive watched him incorporate my suggestions and have success with them. most people would say "your 26 and don't have kids, what could you possibly know about being a parent?"

without more information, it's hard to say whether or not your son is AS.......could just be shy....

Tracker has provided an amazing amount of information.

Long run, there isn't anything to "do" about having AS so much as perhaps trying to deal with specific related issues if and when needed. Some AS find it helpful to have some social skills training. Others have sensory issues and identifying those can help them mitigate them. Accommodations at school are sometimes needed, so that workload issues and stress don't stop the person from accessing the best courses and sources of information (most AS love to learn). If your son hasn't had any issues that concern him, then nothing needs to be done. If he does have issues that concern him, knowing he may be AS might help him access resources to address them.

I would agree that there is nothing "to do" about Aspergers- He has gotten this far without you knowing - now that you know- what does it change? Information is useful but too much information can be bad if you start doubting yourself or your son and his abilities. He must have been fairly OK in school?

I would be elated if my son was getting into a major university. I think my son (now age 11) may be like yours at 18 -never gone on a date -sort of a social misfit- but has amazing abilities in other areas. Don't focus on the negative aspects of Aspergers- if he even has it??

Here is a good website which has information on the signs of AS

http://www.support4hope.com/autism/aspe ... istics.htm

Good Luck in getting a diagnosis for your son.

Welcome to Wrong Planet, enjoy your stay here the people here are friendly.