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corroonb
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14 Aug 2008, 12:24 pm

Tempy wrote:
slowmutant wrote:
Tempy, what is it you haven't told your mom?


that im gay


I thought that was obvious.

Is your mother very conservative? Will she have a problem with your sexuality?



anbuend
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14 Aug 2008, 12:42 pm

patternist wrote:
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Describing suicide as a side-effect is really just a legal disclaimer so people can't sue in the event of a suicide.


Yes and no. It's been noted that some antidepressants have a "motivating" effect, so that someone who was too depressed to move before might, after taking the medication, be just motivated enough to grab a gun.


And that is no lie.

I normally have trouble moving across boundaries, such that, for instance, merely putting a gun (I don't have one, just an example) inside a cupboard would be enough I would have trouble getting to it even if I wanted to. And that's without depression. With depression it's even harder.

Once on an anti-depressant, on the other hand... I was reading the newspaper. I saw an event going on quite a distance away. Before I knew it (or had a chance to reason), I had:

1. Gotten in my wheelchair
2. Boarded two different local buses
3. Boarded a third bus that goes over a mountain range to the other side (including stowing my wheelchair in the underneath part).
4. Gone to that event.

I normally have trouble riding buses. (Enough trouble I have a paratransit card because of problems and expenses the bus companies incurred if I tried to ride their buses.) I normally have trouble going out, and planning all that. Etc.

I stopped the meds soon after because I realized they were eliminating my protective mechanisms without eliminating the mood problems.

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But agreed that if you are on medication, and want to go off, taper off. I'm older and stronger now, as a teenager I stopped cold and, although too stubborn for suicide, I realized I had no idea what depression was becore I went off my meds. Like staring into a rapidly growing sinkhole, trying not to slide in. Bad, bad stuff.


Yeah. And even with tapering it can be a nightmare. I had months of withdrawal -- including physical pain shooting throughout my body -- before I stabilized.


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anbuend
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14 Aug 2008, 12:43 pm

corroonb wrote:
Tempy wrote:
slowmutant wrote:
Tempy, what is it you haven't told your mom?


that im gay


I thought that was obvious.

Is your mother very conservative? Will she have a problem with your sexuality?


There are also in many places gay community centers where you can go and talk to other gay people about things like this. I haven't had the best luck in them due to ableism though.


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slowmutant
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14 Aug 2008, 12:54 pm

I want for you to find some peace, Tempy. I want for you to be happy about who you are, and I also want for you and your mom to discuss your sexual orientation. I pray that you wil have no fear and that your family's love for you does not waver.



Tempy
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14 Aug 2008, 1:21 pm

well technically im bisexual. and she thinks im dating my other (male) room mate. which for a time I did.



Last edited by Tempy on 14 Aug 2008, 1:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Tahitiii
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14 Aug 2008, 1:26 pm

If you tell her, make sure you have a backup plan.
Someone who already knows.
What's the absolute worst that can happen, and what can you do about it?
Who are your backup people?



Tempy
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14 Aug 2008, 1:28 pm

My mom is what you would call a god fearing woman and homoxesuality goes against her morals. she has a weak heart i rather not risk loosing another parent over holding something a secret.

but thats not my biggest issuei guess, its my gf. we are having problems and dont even know if we will stay together for much longer. she is also my caretaker and i depend on her for more things than love and attention. sometimes i think its too much for her and that she may need a break but under doctors orders im to be supervised at all times. there in lies the problem, i think. its little things i do all the time that add to her stress like forgetting rutine. stepping on the wet carpet and going to bed and dirting the sheets because i didnt think about it, or forgetting to do something she told me to do, even though she just told me, or or well the list is too long and i dont want to gte into it just makes me feel more pathetic.



slowmutant
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14 Aug 2008, 1:51 pm

Quote:
My mom is what you would call a god fearing woman and homoxesuality goes against her morals.


Are you certain of this? Did your mom ever say anything like this in front of you?



Bozewani
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14 Aug 2008, 2:11 pm

slowmutant wrote:
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My mom is what you would call a god fearing woman and homoxesuality goes against her morals.


Are you certain of this? Did your mom ever say anything like this in front of you?



Is that what worries you?

You are homosexual?

Come on, seriously, is that what worries you?

Most people in this world don't give a s**t whom you sleep with at night.

Just be yourself



Tahitiii
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14 Aug 2008, 2:31 pm

But mothers are not "most people."
It's a biggie. You need to think it through.
I've never been there, so I don't know what I would do.



slowmutant
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14 Aug 2008, 2:35 pm

Bozewani, you'd be suprised.



corroonb
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14 Aug 2008, 3:07 pm

It always helps me to make a list of what my problems are and see if I can do anything practical to solve them. If you can't realistically do anything, then you shouldn't feel bad.

I think for now you should try to discuss your depressed mood with your doctor. If nothing else, they may change your medications or try something new.

What have you got to lose?



kitty2
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14 Aug 2008, 6:21 pm

Hey Tempy,

Good to read your new posts.
I do believe staying in contact with the Samaritans is a good thing, keep on writing emails with them (or phone). They will never judge you, they will understand you too and might come up with something you haven't thought of and is really useful.

I do understand your life is pretty tough at the moment, life can be like that and that you get upset or depressed is very ubderstandable. You do have a lot to deal with at the moment. You can't change everything all at once, you can't solve all your problems at once, but you can take one step at a time. If you cannot deal with some issue at the moment, then leave it till you can deal with it. Just deal with one thing at a time. You don't have to tell your mum that you are gay now, do you? Tell it when you can deal with your mums reaction. It doesn't hurt to wait a bit longer to tell her?!
With not getting an aspie test is like you are not being recognised by your doctor, not being believed. Try to find a way that you get tested, ask for a second opinion, pay for it yourself, but only get tested if you want to and think it would benefit and help you (health wise). You don't have to convince yourself and us and hopefully you girlfriend too of who you are.
Your relationship seems to be quite stressful at the moment too. I don't know what to say. You can tell your girlfriend that you understand why she gets agitated and that it is not what you want. All this stress and tension of doing the wrong thing can make you become worse, just because you want to do it right... I don't know if this is true for your, but my experience it was like this, getting stressed trying to do it all right and than just ending up making things worse. It doesn't hurt to tell her that you are trying your best and that you want to do things right, but because of stress and anxiety you are making more mistakes. You can ask her what she needs to become less agitated and stressed. It looks like a vicious circle that needs to be broken and that is not easy, but it might be possible (with some help).



Tempy
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15 Aug 2008, 5:52 am

Thank you for everyone's advice. Its not like I want to think about death. Just sometimes I get so tired that its the only thing that runs through my head. but all day today was better, since we are moving, as stressful as that is, there was too much moving around and focus on this one task that i didnt have that many dark thoughts at all.



benjimanbreeg
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15 Aug 2008, 6:07 am

Tempy wrote:
Thank you for everyone's advice. Its not like I want to think about death. Just sometimes I get so tired that its the only thing that runs through my head. but all day today was better, since we are moving, as stressful as that is, there was too much moving around and focus on this one task that i didnt have that many dark thoughts at all.


I think thats your answer then, just stay as busy as you can, and try and sort your problems out one at a time.



Tempy
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15 Aug 2008, 6:27 am

doesnt always work thats the problem. sometimes im so busy that i do everything wrong and end up in an argument or a meltdown.