The poem that inspired my username



Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 

sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Posts: 4496

10 Oct 2008, 8:42 am

SUNSHOWER

She killed herself that day
in her head
While talking of rosebuds
A smile never wider
And before that scrubbing the bathroom wall
listening to meaningless music
trapped inside her head.
Screams transformed to single tears lost in the cleansing spray
Obedient servant
listless, arrogance broken forgotten
Despair in the lush garden.
Planting with worn, chewed fingernails
A one way street
Dirty feet trailing to the door
Smiling, talking of rosebuds,
Dead face upturned to greet the
sunshower


_________________
Into the dark...


Last edited by sunshower on 10 Oct 2008, 9:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

Sand
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Sep 15, 2007
Posts: 11874
Location: Finland

10 Oct 2008, 8:49 am

Great poem



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Posts: 4496

10 Oct 2008, 9:02 am

thanks :)


_________________
Into the dark...


Sand
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Sep 15, 2007
Posts: 11874
Location: Finland

10 Oct 2008, 10:00 am

I do some poetry myself and resort a good deal to the mechanics of rhythm, rhyme, alliteration, repetition, etc. It helps me shape what I write, but it can be quite mechanical. I admire your poem because it seems to me to rely on pure imagery with small if any requirements for mechanical poetry and it is very successful. I found it very moving.



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Posts: 4496

10 Oct 2008, 10:11 am

Thanks again :D
Nearly all my poetry is like that. I rarely edit it, it just flows straight out of my emotions and ideas and onto the page. This is one of my best ones though, not all of them are as good. I post it up on fictionpress.com under the same username (sunshower). Can I read one of yours? :)


_________________
Into the dark...


Sand
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Sep 15, 2007
Posts: 11874
Location: Finland

10 Oct 2008, 4:24 pm

A friend has put a few on her site at http://www.artvilla.com/mair/sand.htm



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Posts: 4496

11 Oct 2008, 7:06 am

Wow, your poems are amazing. I particularly loved your toenails one. :D


_________________
Into the dark...


Sand
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Sep 15, 2007
Posts: 11874
Location: Finland

11 Oct 2008, 8:32 am

I have written about 700 of them, mostly fun with rhymes and poetic tricks. I also just write them out as they come, frequently letting one line dictate the next and they take about 15-30 minutes to knock out. Once you pick up the knack it's pretty easy. I'm sure, if the poem in this thread is any indication, that you can do that too and with your interesting imagery do better than me. Another site with a few of my poems is at http://www.familyhomefront.net/JanSandOne.html



sunshower
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Aug 17, 2006
Posts: 4496

12 Oct 2008, 8:56 am

Wow 700! I'm more on about 200 or so..


_________________
Into the dark...


Sand
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Sep 15, 2007
Posts: 11874
Location: Finland

12 Oct 2008, 2:09 pm

I'm a lot older than you. I've had more time.



just-me
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Mar 06, 2008
Posts: 2389

17 Oct 2008, 1:48 am

wow you wrote that, that's really really good!

I thought that was out of a book or somthing.


_________________
Just-you is now my Fiance!!


PhR33kY
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: Oct 13, 2008
Posts: 917
Location: Philidelphia, PA, USA

17 Oct 2008, 4:35 am

I've told you this before, but I'll say it again: you are a wonderful poet.

Reading that struck a chord. It brings to mind vivid memories of my home life from when I was younger.



Display posts from previous:  Sort by  


Page 1 of 1 [ 12 posts ] 




You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum
Jump to: