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Dej
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Joined: 15 Aug 2005
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23 Nov 2005, 11:49 am

My husband left for Austriala thi last weekend, and before he left we were great together, we had not argued or anything and we were better than we have ever been. Before he left I just let him pack i did not say please don't go, etc. I just tried to stay happy for him. And while in the huse he grabbed my arm pulled me close to him and said I love you so much I'm goingto miss you.

Well he called me three times to tell me the plane had not taken off and he sounded happy to talk with me, he called me from Somoa to tell me they got their in one piece and sounded fine. He arrived in Austraila did not call me right away but the next morning. After he had some sleep....but he did not sound interested in wanting to talk with me. He asked so how's work going, i said fine, but then just silence from him. I asked him if he got enough sleep he said yes, I asked him what time did they get in he said 5pm and him and some of his friends went to a resturant and then he played pool with some Aussie guys. But he did not just talk to me I felt I had to ask the questions, and he did not ask me what I have been doing.....their was a lot of on and off silence from him.

Then he said to me"You makeme feel guilty for being here, you make me feel guilty and I cannot enjoy myslef (or being here)."

I don't understand, he was fine before he left and I did not do anything. It is the holdiays now and I don't have anyone to share thanksgiving with, but I thought maybe he feels gulity and is not allowing himself to have fun?

Or maybe he feels that because he is married he feels he cannot do whatever? I do not know.....

Before he left i cried a little, and I did say things to him like:

Why are you excited about going there?
What did you do last night?
Did you call your family yet?

But other than that I don't understand....and the other phone calls were only a few mintues each not even five minutes.

Can you help me understand?



Larval
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23 Nov 2005, 8:16 pm

I don't see that you did anything wrong. Certainly, you did not make him feel guilty on purpose. Maybe you didn't tell him, "Have fun over there," but he shouldn't have felt guilty just because of that.

Possibly you are sending him signals (unknowingly) that makes him think you want him to come back?

Possibly he just feels guilty about not being with you (or just misses you like crazy), and is projecting the blame on you? (If this is the case then just let him know that you're ok with him being away and that you want him to enjoy himself etc.)

I guess the best thing to do would be to ask him why he feels so bad and take it from there.



Sophist
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24 Nov 2005, 10:28 am

It doesn't sound like it was you. It just sounds like something made him grumpy in the mean time and he took it out on you. :(


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