Do you know what makes people reject you?



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Are you sure what the reason is for rejecting you?
Totally sure 4%  4%  [ 6 ]
Have a pretty good idea 21%  21%  [ 32 ]
I have some clues 46%  46%  [ 68 ]
No idea 21%  21%  [ 31 ]
I'm not particularly rejected 6%  6%  [ 9 ]
I never gave it any thought 2%  2%  [ 3 ]
Total votes : 149

DiscardedWhisper
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12 Jan 2013, 3:18 pm

I don't know, really.

Sometimes I think it's because I'm not a frothing sycophant who would allow others to think for me so that I could be cool. Or perhaps it's because I don't edit myself when I think something is fundamentally incorrect, no matter how popular it is. Or possibly because I refuse to submit myself to the rites of humiliation and abuse to be considered part of someone's retarded little group. f**k that s**t, I've been abused enough in my life. It'll be a cold day in hell before I let anyone abuse me like that again, let alone do so and try to label it as friendship.

But then people come behind me and tell me I'm full of s**t and that it's all me. And I'm some kind of horrible mutant who needs to accept his role in life as a doormat. So I don't f*****g know.

Frankly, I've given up trying to figure it out.



CyclopsSummers
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12 Jan 2013, 3:39 pm

It is a combination of my aloofness and my strangeness. It's the 2 factors working in tandem that turns people off of me. I was working at another place last year, where I had trouble connecting with co-workers because I'm quite feminine and the (male) co-workers were more macho types. This would not have been that much of a problem, if only I had been a bit more socially open, as they were, because then they'd at least have a picture of me. But the way I was, in their eyes I was both strange and distant, doubly weird. Most of my co-workers made sure they stayed the hell away from me. I did get along with some, though.


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Joe90
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12 Jan 2013, 4:02 pm

I'm not sure, but I think it's something to do with me not quite being on some people's wavelength (especially my peers). I suppose I'm OK with general greetings and small talk, but otherwise something about me just makes me become rejected by my peers.


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CyclopsSummers
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12 Jan 2013, 4:08 pm

I kind of miss Greentea. She was quite active a while ago, and was the one who started the Aspie/NT hotline.


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LtlPinkCoupe
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12 Jan 2013, 7:42 pm

I voted for "Not particularly rejected"...I have an emerging Avoidant Personality and thus try to detach from people before they have the chance to reject me.


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voodoojoey
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12 Jan 2013, 8:15 pm

I guess I seemed like the best kid to bully, and when all the bullies graduated, then everyone ignored me because all I was good for was being a victim of it.



mackico
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12 Jan 2013, 8:21 pm

Apparently I'm demanding, selfish, childish and I throw temper tantrums like a two-year-old.

I don't know how to small talk. People can't just come up and have a chat to me, and even when they do, I have very limited interests and will often talk about the same thing to the point where it gets boring for them. So I'm boring to be around, too.



TheValk
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12 Jan 2013, 8:39 pm

I've been rejected on sight before, so it might have something physical behind it, like posture, features of voice etc.



Rhiannon0828
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12 Jan 2013, 11:17 pm

Mikhaillost wrote:
NocturnalQuilter wrote:
Yes- they tell me all the time.
Do I care? Not nearly as much as I did when I was younger.


Yeah. I used to care a lot more as a child. I remember they would tease and bother me and I woul get under my desk and have a meltdown, since no one could 'get' me under my desk... then I would go home and cry. Anymore... It's just like. "Eh... Who cares?"

Edit: We had those big desks that were closed on all the sides except where your legs when in. I loved those things. ... I want to go lay down in my closet now. I love tiny places like closets and under tables.


I have always loved tiny spaces too! When I was in second grade I had a teacher who had a bit of a clue and made an "office" for me in the back of the room with partitions. It was wonderful. I loved it. I think it was the only reason I passed. I love tiny spaces to this day, and will use them when I can.

I think that the main reason I've been rejected is that people recognize that I don't need them to validate my existence. It's great if you like me, but if you don't, I won't shrivel up and die.


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Catharascotia
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12 Jan 2013, 11:32 pm

I'm pretty sure I know why: I'm not "interesting" and not very outgoing. As a shy, brainy, socially awkward college girl whose main hobbies are reading, writing and archaeology, I'm generally overlooked in favor of fun, outgoing people who like to party, do sports, etc. Many people seem to have this spark of life to them that draws other people, and I lack that. I am very bland and boring person. It takes time for me to feel comfortable with someone, and most people aren't willing to put in that time. I also don't do well in groups, I have trouble sort of making my presence known when there are so many other people who shine so much brighter, so whenever a clique forms, I'm excluded. On the other hand, people who have known me for some time have a tendency to drop off the radar or stop including me, so it appears to be about more than me just taking a bit of time to get to know.

My best friend says she thinks that I give people the impression I don't like them, and that's why I'm generally excluded. I'm not sure whether to believe her, or whether she's just too polite to say, "it's because you're awkward and boring." She's NT, but she's also the sweetest person in the world and would never be honest with someone if the truth would hurt their feelings.



B19
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13 Jan 2013, 3:13 am

Unlike them, I don't like to talk about what I do for a job and what I'm doing generally. Those topics seem to be favourites for NTs, or what they own, or where they are going to travel on their next holiday.

So they think someone like me who likes to discuss ideas, and books, and social issues is weird. I never ask people whom I've just met "what do you do for a living" and dislike being asked it by people who have just been introduced to me. I know it's meant to typecast quickly so that they can know whether its worth sucking up to you or not, although that's never admitted.

Apparently in France it is never asked and is considered a sign of ignorance. I wish that were the case where I live...

I get quickly bored with small talk and trivia and they don't like it. I'm 'too serious' for them and sometimes my ideas are considered too unusual or radical for them. I'm not materialistic and they generally are, and want their material possessions and assets to be admired, I think.



CyclopsSummers
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13 Jan 2013, 4:10 am

mackico wrote:
Apparently I'm demanding, selfish, childish and I throw temper tantrums like a two-year-old.

Ha, this reminded of Tony Stark, Iron Man from Marvel's 'Avengers' movie. "I thought I didn't qualify [to join the team]. Apparently I'm volatile, self-obsessed, and don't play well with others."

I guess that's why I like Marvel Comics. Every third character could be on the autistic spectrum. Tony Stark, reed Richards, Peter Parker...
Catharascotia wrote:
I'm pretty sure I know why: I'm not "interesting" and not very outgoing. As a shy, brainy, socially awkward college girl whose main hobbies are reading, writing and archaeology, I'm generally overlooked in favor of fun, outgoing people who like to party, do sports, etc. Many people seem to have this spark of life to them that draws other people, and I lack that. I am very bland and boring person. It takes time for me to feel comfortable with someone, and most people aren't willing to put in that time. I also don't do well in groups, I have trouble sort of making my presence known when there are so many other people who shine so much brighter, so whenever a clique forms, I'm excluded. On the other hand, people who have known me for some time have a tendency to drop off the radar or stop including me, so it appears to be about more than me just taking a bit of time to get to know.

I can totally relate, Catharascotia. People tend to class me as 'boring', because even in my late teens and early 20s, I was never interested in clubbing, drinking, dancing, dining, (or dating ftm), never got into sports or shopping.
At my previous job, a co-worker once asked me what I was going to do in the weekend. I, enthusiastically, started telling about my plans to go on a nature club camping trip, to check for birds and mushrooms and the like. Apparently, this was the 'wrong' answer, because he immediately dismissed what I was saying, and mocked me slightly for it. But there were also co-workers who were cool with it that I had more nerdy hobbies and interests, and with whom I could have great conversations.
At my current job, I don't even bother with it anymore. A co-worker always asked me in the beginning what I was doing in my spare time or the weekend. I honestly had to tell her that I wasn't doing all that much. Se expects that a guy in his 20s (she's 37 w/ family) 'should' be clubbing and going out. I don't do that, so she thinks I'm boring for it. I told her that I'm not interested in that, that I don't have that many friends to hang out with, and that I prefer walking and reading. We don't relate to one another at all, so now she's stopped asking me about what I did in my free time. Whenever it does come up and I tell her that I didnt do much in the weekend or in the holidays, she kind of rolls her eyes and it's pretty clear that she's just weirded out by it all and doesn't seem to have much patience with me.

B19 wrote:
So they think someone like me who likes to discuss ideas, and books, and social issues is weird. I never ask people whom I've just met "what do you do for a living" and dislike being asked it by people who have just been introduced to me. I know it's meant to typecast quickly so that they can know whether its worth sucking up to you or not, although that's never admitted.


Yes, this exactly. I find it so odd that a complete stranger will ask me 'Where do you work?', or 'What are you studying?' so as if to gauge what's my position on the ladder of society. I think it's none of a stranger's business to inquire into what I do for a living upon first meeting. I'd rather be asked about what my interests and hobbies are, even though that could be seens as a more 'intimate' question. My work is not my life, I've got a personality and thoughts, and I want to relate to people on basis of THAT.


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chlov
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13 Jan 2013, 7:59 am

I put "I'm not particularly rejected", because that's the truth.
However, about people who have rejected me in the past (I'm not rejected anymore now, maybe just ignored, but I don't care) I don't really know why they did, and frankly I don't care. Maybe because I talked too much, who knows.



restlesspirit
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13 Jan 2013, 10:13 am

As a woman i used to think my rejections were appearance based,, NTs would tell me im attractive but i didnt believe them,, but always had a suspection that my personality was to blame also.. now with the aspergers being obvious I realised it wasnt my look but being different and with me for some reason it comes across as arrogant and self centered, which if course results in a lot of rejections,, its a relieft but also a burden now to know what the real issue is.



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13 Jan 2013, 12:08 pm

I think what people most dislike in me is that like in the allegory of the cavern by Plato, they're happily looking at the illusions and I come in showing the reality. It's not just that we have nothing in common but worse, that the way I am reminds them that the way they lead their lives won't lead them to happiness, which they know but do all they can to forget.


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