How do I keep an Asperger's boyfriend?

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Shadow50
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30 Nov 2008, 8:33 pm

Umbie wrote:
His last girlfriend was hit by a car while he was living in Oklahoma and died before he could get back here to see her. That was about three years ago.


This is a big issue with me, and could be with your bf. It really gets to me to lose someone without having the chance to say goodbye. If that's an issue with him, maybe you could help him find a way to say goodbye.

Other thing that helps me, and discussion is needed here as well, is to know about how often things should happen. Like phone contacts. How often to call each other. He may have an idea in his head as to how often that should happen, and it may be different to yours.

If contact isn't often enough he may feel abandoned. If it's too often, he may be afraid that he is overwhelming you.

I have a long distance relationship with my NT gf, and we have significantly different work and domestic circumstances, and media preferences. Taking that into account, I send her a text or e-mail every day, she phones me twice a week, and I visit her about once a month. I had to discuss this with her to eliminate those two fears that I had.

What frequency you do things at will depend on your own circumstances ... but just knowing what's OK could add to the stability of the relationship.


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No person can tell another what to do ... but here is what I think ... (Cheyenne Wisdom)


Orbyss
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30 Nov 2008, 9:12 pm

Quote:
What do I have to do to KEEP a boyfriend with Asperger's?


I'm convinced that doesn't quite apply here. Seriously, he sounds pretty batty. But it's your prerogative whether to pursue him or not.

Be warned, he sounds pretty disordered. I rarely ever suggest this since I love to see relationships work out, but I'd advise you drop him like a hot potato.



Umbie
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30 Nov 2008, 10:56 pm

I'm gonna try talking to his mom for awhile and see what she thinks about the success of the situation in the long run. Right now, I just don't want to hurt him and make his mom put him back in a hospital.

About his exgirlfriend - he is in contact with the girl's family every few years and is friends with all of them. I don't think he's ever said goodbye. He knows she has passed away a few years ago, he just checks in on the family.

If his mom isn't 100% against the idea of me, I will try to see him again. At this point, she is going to dictate how he is feeling and if he can speak to me or not. I have the feeling I will just be phoning her and asking if he's doing ok.

Thanks for the advice. I hope I can use some of it soon.