My weekend

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Usually when I go to the city I have such a horrible time. I think it's has to do with my AS. My routine gets thrown completely off and there are so many crowds. I'm also all alone for a very long time. I go places where people are with their friends and partners, so it's very hard to enjoy myself when I'm all alone. For ages I was struggling to meet people and enjoy my time in the city. I was recently up there for two days. The first night was horrible, but day two got a lot better because I think even though I had a horrible night I wasn't going to call off my plans for the next day.
I decided to write it down, as I do when I have a lot of things on my mind. It's long but I hope you read it.

On Friday I took a train to Sydney. First problem was that it was raining. My mum gave me a lift so that was good. The rain didn't stop and I didn't want to walk around in the city in it. My next problem was getting to the city too early. I was staying at my sisters and she would be at her house at 6pm. It was all ok except that she wanted me to meet her at an unfamiliar area (near her work) in the rain. It was really pouring down after I got off the bus. I waited under a sheltered bus stop, but cars would zoom by and I'd get soaked with water. So I stood in the corner shivering and waiting for my sister.
I was happy when I found her place. She put my soaking clothes in the dryer.
My brother was playing a gig in town and somebody invited me to the gig too, so that's really why I was in Sydney in the first place. I also wanted to have drinks with my friends on the Saturday, but one friend wanted to go to a festival, so she wanted to hang out during the day on Saturday. I really hate adjusting to change, but sometimes you just can't avoid it.
So, I walked through the rain again looking for this venue. I was getting really worried and overwhelmed. I tried to stop myself from having a meltdown by calming talking in my head. I kept thinking I had passed the venue but soon enough I found it. My brothers band was already playing so I took some photos. The guy I was meeting didn't seem to be there so I thought I'd wait for him. The next band played but this mysterious stranger who invited me to the gig still didn't show. He'll come to the next band I thought and I had a beer while I waited. He didn't show, so I had even more drinks. He still didn't show so I left in a huff. It was still raining hard so now I was stomping down the street but still stopping myself from losing control. It was so late that nobody would be able to tell I was crying so I just stopped suppressing the tears. Then I got lost again. My sense of direction is so bad. I found my sisters place eventually and just went to bed. Well, more cried myself to sleep.

In the morning I was in a bad mood. I didn't know why I kept putting myself in these situations - eager to meet someone but they either show late or not at all. I also didn't want to hang out with my friend. My ex also wanted me to come over to his place. But I had gifts for them so I though I'd at least try. I had cereal without milk for breakfast so my sister walked into town to buy some. I went along to buy lunch at the food court. Then my ex texts me again about me coming over. I sigh and tell my sister I have to leave, so she tells me to go on my own. I freak out a little and get lost again. I finally find her house again, but now I'm sweating and probably sunburnt.
So, then I go to see my ex. I had to tell him to at least get out of bed by 2pm to which he replied 'but I'm comfortable'.When I see him he is hung over and tired. He gives me a vinyl by my favourite band that he ordered back when we were dating. Then I give him a Christmas present and his reaction isn't what I hoped it would be. He hardly had no reaction. As we are talking I noticed he didn't make eye contact at all. He was kind of mumbling at the table while drawing on a post-it note pad. Is this some hungover thing? I saw a friend yesterday who was hungover and he didn't make much effort to talk to me. I felt the same thing was happening. Maybe I just overreacted. He could have just been hung over and didn't want to speak to people - not just me.
So, I leave my ex's house to meet my friend. I'm doing this all by foot under the extremely hot sun.
This is when my day starts getting better. We have cold drinks in a cafe away from the heat. She loves the present I give her. Then she asks if I'd like to go to a pub with friends. Two people she mentioned seemed to make me want to run far far away. They were my ex's friends and I had the feeling that they hated me. It turned out that wasn't the case. I had a few drinks, met up with some old friends (including a boy that I've liked for quite awhile) and met a lot of new people. It was great and I felt that I didn't need to tell these people that I had Asperger's. At first I was quiet but I listened in on conversations and tried to make little comments or join in. There were several conversations going at once. I usually hate that. It gets confusing. I admit though that I still had speech difficulties but I kept together. And it was a really good day. I felt weird that my ex wasn't there when most of these people knew him, but I didn't ask them why they didn't invite him. I probably would have felt uneasy if he was there.
Things are starting to look up for me. I care very little about that guy that stood me up at that venue or my ex barely caring to look me in the eyes. I also don't feel as bad to have AS. I can still make friends and that's what is important to me. I kind of would like to tell them about my AS, but I just met them so I don't know if they are the kind to freak out or be supportive about this.

I guess I'm sharing this because even though I had such a difficult time to begin with and I wanted to just give up I didn't. And because I didn't I actually did have a good time. So, hopefully this post gives some people out there struggling some hope.