How do I protect myself from condescention?

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People dumbing things down for me, using a condescending tone, scolding me with angry or impatient tones instead of just correcting me with a neutral tone, explaining things to me like I don't know, asking insulting questions, saying I can't do something, telling other people I have difficulty doing something... it's happened a lot in the past, it happens sometimes to me in the present, and I'm paranoid that it will continue to happen to me in the future.


Doesn't it make you MAD? Doesn't it make you want to KILL?


How do you prevent it? Also, list all the times you've been condescended to! ESPECIALLY about your AS or something to do with it.

i used to get that often before, i just always thought it was alright, i didn't object, been very naive. it stopped only when i reached a certain status and results in my profession. it's funny that i went farther in my achievements than the people who used to 'dump things on me using a condescending tone'.

although, my father's wife now used that one on me recently. she is widely known as a dumb person with basic education whose biggest achievement was to marry my loser father and after some time that no one else dared to use that tone on me anymore, she used it. i was quite surprised, but i objected calmly with arguments. it was quite rude of her.

The last person to use a condescending tone on me lost his job in less than a week.

The person before that lost her job, too.

The person before that transferred to another division, and lost his job soon thereafter.

Odd how nobody condescends to "Old Fnordie, the Weird Engineer" much any more ...

Start acting like a mature adult and the condescending should stop. If you allow others to take on parenting roles in your life then they will talk down to you regardless of your age.

Don't mention AS to anyone, not even close friends.

Deny everything and conveniently forget that any doctors ever mentioned it to you.

With that frame of mind, be yourself as much as you can without overstepping any social boundaries.
Be helpful to others if they need help/request it.
Work hard to complete all work and assignments on time of a better quality than anyone else without aid.
Gain others respect.
Do favours for other people. Be nice to them.

That's the only way I found to make all the mollycoddling and condescending comments to stop.

But even then some people still comment if they notice any idiosyncrasies or coordination issues that I can't help, or call me deliberately rude when I've missed social subtleties.

Can't really win either way can you? *sigh*

You cannot change people or events. You can only change how you deal with them.
I think Fnords example is on the extreme side- most people don't have the ability to simply fire the person who rubs us the wrong way. For the rest of us, all we can do is put up and shut up and believe that the universe will deal with them in their own time.
Also, I find most people using condescending tones are really masking something else: Fear.

If you're sure of your ground, you could try saying "don't patronise me!" with a slightly raised voice. I find that one hard to do because I usually don't realise what's hitting me till I've had time to think it over, I get angry and then I have to try to work out whether it's me or them or just a misunderstanding. But I get wise to individuals who repeat their behaviour.

I never seem to lose my temper, which can be useful, I can sometimes say things that severely challenge the other person's arrogance (or whatever it is). One problem lady I dealt with by saying "coming, ma'am," and acting out the caricature of a servant. She'd been beckoning me in a patronising way so I figured that might let her know gently that I'm not her freaking servant. Another time I just stared at her without saying a word, which seemed to throw her a bit. I don't believe in taking disrespect lying down, though sometimes I daren't risk a challenge if I'm not feeling confident.

I think it pays to rehearse a bit.

That's a great point actually.

So people at the hospital, support staff and teachers (when I was much younger) were using condescending tones because they were actually afraid of me?

Or were they afraid of a preconceived stereotype that they expected I should be like?

If so, that makes a lot of sense.

Thanks.
That helps put things into perspective.
I don't feel quite so bad now.

Actually, I don't want to condescend back to them even though it *is* in retaliation. I'd rather just tell them, "Can you do me a favor? Can you use a neutral tone when you're correcting me?" But I freeze up when it actually happens to me, so I don't do anything. I
ll be ready next time, however. Sometimes I'm also slow to realize what's hitting me.

Don't get really, really cold and then walk outside on a hot summer's day.

Oh, wait, sorry. I thought you said "condensation". Never mind.

The fear could originate from many places: Fear of being average at their job when everyone is competing for recognition; fear at showing a low self-esteem; fear of what other's think of them...

I don't know what to do. People seem to adapt a condescending tone based on outward appearances / behaviors sometimes. If they perceive something about you as immature they will treat you as if you're an idiot. Maybe they're not comfortable interacting any other way.

It also pisses me off when people talk to non-verbal autistics or even people with Downs syndrome as if they were babies. How do they know that these people aren't bothered by it? They make the assumption that they don't understand anything just because they're unable to express their feelings.

Perhaps they noticed you had qualities they lacked, such as insight, talent, etc. If they feared these same qualities in those in a more powerful social position, they would be ingratiating rather than condescending. Condescension could be a way of putting those who "should" be below them back in their place.

Yes and it happens to deaf people and to old people as well. Sometimes it even happens to women, I guess that's the cultural sexist thing.
TV show hosts do it too - I think one reason they put so much sex into TV is that it's the only way you can tell it's not a kids' programme.

I can't say I've had an enormous amount of trouble with people talking to me as if I were stupid. I suppose I'm lucky enough to be able to somehow signal intelligence. But what I seem to provoke is exasperation and suspicion, "how can a bright guy like that not understand such a simple idea?" Which probably isn't a lot better than being treated like an imbecile.

To the person who said don't act like a child and you won't be condescended to: children don't deserve that treatment either. ESPECIALLY not children, since they don't know how to express their feelings about it and tell people not to do it to them and why. It's WORSE when it happens to a child.