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Greyhound
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28 Jan 2009, 6:13 pm

I hardly ever lie any more. I can do it quite well if I 'need' to, or I used to be able to - whether I still can or not I don't know. I don't like lying.


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marshall
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28 Jan 2009, 6:23 pm

While I prefer honesty I can't lie and say that I always tell the truth all the time. That would be too hypocritical and dishonest for me. :?

If I have a problem with BS-ing it's for a different reason though. I rarely lie about things in order to manipulate. What I do do is change stories around to make them seem more interesting in my mind. Sometimes I have no idea why I do it. I was worse in the past. Still, most of the time people never found out because the stuff I lied about tended to be pretty inconsequential. The few times I did get caught exaggerating were kind of embarrassing which was a good motive to cut back on it. So there. I'm ready for the firing squad now. :cry:



Last edited by marshall on 28 Jan 2009, 6:25 pm, edited 1 time in total.

mitharatowen
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28 Jan 2009, 6:25 pm

RoisinDubh wrote:
I agree, 120%! :wink:

Unfortunately, NTs do not appreciate this approach AT ALL, and it's gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past. :(


It still gets me in trouble to this day. I haven't learned how to curb that urge yet and I'm not sure I want to.

I can and have lied. Mostly to my parents when they wouldn't let me see a guy I loved or ect. I am capable of it (generally if I have it planned out, I agree with the others that say my mind doesn't work that fast) I just greatly prefer honesty.



RoisinDubh
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28 Jan 2009, 6:29 pm

The only people I've ever successfully lied to have been my parents....don't know if this is something I should be proud of, though...



Marcia
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28 Jan 2009, 6:54 pm

AC132 wrote:
I can't think quickly enough to be able to bulls**t anyone, except the blandest kind of white lie like, "Sorry, my boss is away from her desk at the moment," if she doesn't want to take a cold call or something.

My brain sort of defaults to the truth... there's no capacity or ability or inclination there. If I have to try to make up some crap on the spot, I can't. I can't improvise like that.


This is me! 8O

As for the OP's question. My first husband was a compulsive liar. When we first started seeing each other he admitted to a couple of lies he'd told in the past, and provided what seemed at the time to be fairly reasonable explanations for them. One was that people thought he was a year older than he was because he'd lied about his age to join a club, and then when people went to a lot of trouble for one of his birthdays he didn't know how to tell them that he actually wasn't 21 after all.

Anyway, as time went on, he continued to lie - about all sorts of things that didn't really matter. Once I asked him about something specific and whether it was a lie. He admitted that it was a lie, and when I asked if there was anything else he'd lied about he said - no. That, as I should have known, was also a lie! :roll:

There were other factors in the breakup of our marriage, but the lying was a big one. I couldn't believe anything he told me, I couldn't trust him and I didn't respect him. I didn't know what was real and what wasn't. Even years later, I would think of something and start to tell someone else, then I would remember that it was my husband who'd originally told me, and so then I didn't know if it was true or not.

Once of the worst things for me was that I'd repeated his lies to other people, thinking that they were true. I'm a very honest person, and the whole experience was really horrible.



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28 Jan 2009, 7:04 pm

I find it difficult to lie and I don't lie. I hate liars, they piss me off with their lack of morals.



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28 Jan 2009, 7:08 pm

I used to elaborate on or make up small stories to tell to other people when I was in elementary school. It was something I did because I had trouble with conversations, and thought that they would be easier to continue if I made my side of the conversation more interesting to the other person by providing interesting anecdotes. (My life was quite boring by primary schoolkid standards.) Soon it became automatic. However, at some point I realized what I was doing and what the consequences could be, felt guilty and had to stop. I don't understand what it would be like to be a pathological liar, though, or if attention and significant guilt about the lying could stop it as in my case.

I'm not very blunt (at least I don't think I am) because I've always been shy and hate to produce negative reactions in other people. If I'm angry I don't care about the reactions of the subject of my anger and stop the white lies and euphemisms, but I'm sure nearly everyone reacts that way.



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28 Jan 2009, 7:25 pm

I'm another one of those who don't lie, and can be "brutally honest" at times. I have learned to censor myself most of the time though. Also, I think my brain is just too busy absorbing truth, to be able to fabricate lies. I have a very low opinion of compulsive liars, particularly adults. There are times when I will leave out bits of information(due to lack of trust, or fear of hurt), but, would never come up with some story to intentionally mislead someone, or include anything that I know to be untrue.


I'm not saying that I never lied. All humans lie. I'm just saying that I'm an honest person who doesn't tolerate dishonesty. :)


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28 Jan 2009, 8:03 pm

I used to be a bit of a mythomaniac. Didn't lie about anything that affected other people - that stuff I was generally brutally honest about - but I'd make up convoluted stories and improbable lies about stuff that didn't matter at all. I didn't know why. Couldn't control it. But then I decided to start writing, and the lying stopped. Turned out I just needed an outlet for my imagination.


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poopylungstuffing
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28 Jan 2009, 9:13 pm

Vince wrote:
I used to be a bit of a mythomaniac. Didn't lie about anything that affected other people - that stuff I was generally brutally honest about - but I'd make up convoluted stories and improbable lies about stuff that didn't matter at all. I didn't know why. Couldn't control it. But then I decided to start writing, and the lying stopped. Turned out I just needed an outlet for my imagination.


That's the way I was.
Writing helped me with that too.



pensieve
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28 Jan 2009, 9:25 pm

I used to lie quite a bit to people when I was younger. I just wanted to seem interesting. Now I don't lie unless it's hiding something that could get me into a lot of trouble, usually it's about boys, that is lying about being with certain boys. I'm good at it too because I have almost no expression when I talk, so I doubt anyone can tell I lie. I have the same monotone voice and flat expression for every mood and everything I say.



Last edited by pensieve on 28 Jan 2009, 9:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

marshall
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28 Jan 2009, 9:28 pm

Vince wrote:
I used to be a bit of a mythomaniac. Didn't lie about anything that affected other people - that stuff I was generally brutally honest about - but I'd make up convoluted stories and improbable lies about stuff that didn't matter at all. I didn't know why. Couldn't control it. But then I decided to start writing, and the lying stopped. Turned out I just needed an outlet for my imagination.

Glad I'm not the only one. I didn't make up unbelievable stories so much as exaggerate real stories to make them seem more interesting. I still do it sometimes but not as much.



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28 Jan 2009, 9:38 pm

I have actually become good at lying. It wasn't a skill I had naturally, and took a few years to perfect, but it has proved a valuable tool. It is basically a coping mechanism I developed to avoid unnecessary problems. To pick a random example, this was when I was still in school. I was planning to do my homework the next day during study hall, and my mother asked if I had my homework done. If I said no (the truth) she would have demanded that I do it immediately. This was a poor use of my time because 1. I was usually playing an online game which you cant pause, and 2. I would have nothing to do in study hall tomorrow if I did my homework now. Attempting to point this out or explain it to my mother would have been a pointless waste of breath. So I chose to say yes, I had my homework done (a lie). This let me continue my game, and gave me something to do in study hall so I wouldnt be bored.

Other examples include not telling people they have done a bad job when they ask for your input. Often called padding the truth. I have also lied to avoid social ridicule. For example, if somebody (like a co-worker) asks me if I have a girlfriend, I will just say 'not right now, I am between relationships.' This isnt true because I have never dated in my life, and have no firm plans to start any time soon. But if I actually said that, people would think I am crazy, or gay. This often confuses me because gay people would date other men, I just said I didnt date anybody, but then again most people arent very rational.


Basically whenever I think that my answer will offend, annoy, or anger somebody, I will lie. This presumes that it isnt about anything important, or complex. I haven't gotten good enough to weave a web of lies and manipulate people, but answers simple questions in a false way is indeed possible, and very often produces better results then the truth. Also I dont lie about important things such as telling my boss that the project is behind schedule. This will annoy him, but it is important that he knows. I will also tell the truth, even if it angers or offends other people if I think that it is an important point. For example, I will argue against people who blame president bush for hurricane Katrina (as if he somehow created the storm), even though it annoys them. However telling people (co-workers) that I saw a movie with my friends last Friday when I actually stayed home and read Wikipedia articles will make me seem less abnormal, and reduce the amount of annoying questions. And overall, lies like that dont harm anybody, but they do make things much easier.

The problem is that this can indeed become a habit. Once you have enough experience lying, it becomes second nature to answer question in the way that causes you the least problems.

If your boyfriend was lying about important things such as how much of your money he spent then you would have a problem. But if he just lies about what movie he watched last night because he thought you might get offended by his actual choice, then he isnt being rude, he is actually trying to just smooth things out and make it better for everybody. You should be flattered that your boyfriend goes through the work of coming up with lies to keep you happy. If this annoys you (which it certainly seems to) then you need to completely explain this to him. Tell him that you appreciate his attempts to reduce problems, and make you happy, but you would prefer to have the problems then have him lie.

And of course part 2 of this is to make sure that you actually want the truth. If you become offended easily, and berate, or bother him when he tells you the truth then he will of course lie. Make sure that if you ask for the full and complete truth, that you actually accept it without becoming angry at him.

And do remember that some habits are hard to break. He may lie to you, even though you asked him not to because he quickly answers your question with a lie before he remembers you asking him NOT to lie. Be patient and forgiving. And do remember, if he only lies about small things to make you happy, and reduce problems then you dont have a large problem with your relationship. Things could be alot worse. This is just a habit that you can ask him to break because it would bring about a better relationship, not a deal ending problem.



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28 Jan 2009, 9:47 pm

marshall wrote:
Vince wrote:
I used to be a bit of a mythomaniac. Didn't lie about anything that affected other people - that stuff I was generally brutally honest about - but I'd make up convoluted stories and improbable lies about stuff that didn't matter at all. I didn't know why. Couldn't control it. But then I decided to start writing, and the lying stopped. Turned out I just needed an outlet for my imagination.

Glad I'm not the only one. I didn't make up unbelievable stories so much as exaggerate real stories to make them seem more interesting. I still do it sometimes but not as much.


I made people believe that my dad worked for ASIO, the Australian secret service.
He was really a yoga teacher.



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28 Jan 2009, 10:08 pm

Hmm, this is strange because I was accused of being a compulsive liar, when in fact, I was telling the brutal truth.

The thing is, I don't know what details to leave out or include, so whenever I describe an event, I include ALL the details. This makes the story sound grandiose and exaggerated, when in fact I am only describing everything that happened. :cry:

I have had people get mad at me and accuse me of "embellishing" or "lying" when I had not done so. I just happen to remember all the details.


But when I do try to lie, people think I am telling the truth. :?


People are wierd.


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KazigluBey
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28 Jan 2009, 10:17 pm

When I was younger I was called a compulsive liar. I think much of that though was just a poor outlet for creativity since I often just made up stories to people.

As far as now? I absolutely hate lying and can do it, but it bothers me. If for some reason I am in a position where I don't feel comfortable telling the truth, I simply resort to articulating my words very carefully; thus, I tell the truth, but in a very crafty way so as to not be appearing to do so. Usually, I just tell the truth and do my best not to find myself in a situation where I am faced with the decision.