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KazigluBey
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28 Jan 2009, 10:17 pm

When I was younger I was called a compulsive liar. I think much of that though was just a poor outlet for creativity since I often just made up stories to people.

As far as now? I absolutely hate lying and can do it, but it bothers me. If for some reason I am in a position where I don't feel comfortable telling the truth, I simply resort to articulating my words very carefully; thus, I tell the truth, but in a very crafty way so as to not be appearing to do so. Usually, I just tell the truth and do my best not to find myself in a situation where I am faced with the decision.



pensieve
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28 Jan 2009, 10:27 pm

KazigluBey wrote:
When I was younger I was called a compulsive liar. I think much of that though was just a poor outlet for creativity since I often just made up stories to people.

As far as now? I absolutely hate lying and can do it, but it bothers me. If for some reason I am in a position where I don't feel comfortable telling the truth, I simply resort to articulating my words very carefully; thus, I tell the truth, but in a very crafty way so as to not be appearing to do so. Usually, I just tell the truth and do my best not to find myself in a situation where I am faced with the decision.


I do that too. I tell the truth, but keep the information that could get me in trouble hidden, and I only say a few well thought out words. I was at a indie club one night with friends, and did not go back to their house. I'm not saying why but I had to really think about what I was going to say if I saw them again. Fortunately saying I was drunk and that I forgot parts of that night wasn't a complete lie, because that actually happened.



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29 Jan 2009, 12:32 am

pensieve wrote:
KazigluBey wrote:
When I was younger I was called a compulsive liar. I think much of that though was just a poor outlet for creativity since I often just made up stories to people.

As far as now? I absolutely hate lying and can do it, but it bothers me. If for some reason I am in a position where I don't feel comfortable telling the truth, I simply resort to articulating my words very carefully; thus, I tell the truth, but in a very crafty way so as to not be appearing to do so. Usually, I just tell the truth and do my best not to find myself in a situation where I am faced with the decision.


I do that too. I tell the truth, but keep the information that could get me in trouble hidden, and I only say a few well thought out words. I was at a indie club one night with friends, and did not go back to their house. I'm not saying why but I had to really think about what I was going to say if I saw them again. Fortunately saying I was drunk and that I forgot parts of that night wasn't a complete lie, because that actually happened.


I absolutely love this form of equivocation. This is the closest thing that I can get to lying. If it works properly, I get to feel good about myself and get off the hook at the same time. Besides, flat out lying usually doesn't work for me, anyway.



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29 Jan 2009, 8:16 am

I think high impulsivity is pretty hard to deal with when it comes to trying to avoid lying.


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Last edited by Sora on 29 Jan 2009, 8:45 am, edited 1 time in total.

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29 Jan 2009, 8:34 am

I used to be awful at lying, I would accidentally smile and it would become obvious. I remember the first lie I ever told (weird memories, LOL), which was about the fact that I didn't eat all the cream out of the bourbon biscuits and leave crumbs behind the sofa, which of course I did, LOL. :lol:

But these days I am good at lying, and I can always bluff my way out of trouble at school.

Last year there was a girl in my class who was a compulsive liar, she just made up all sorts of things about her life to make people like her. Apparently, her brother was a gay porn star who got hammered in Las Vegas where he woke up married to another guy and with SUCK ME tattooed on his scrotum, she was a billionaire, her 12-year-old sister was pregnant by an 18-year-old Chinese guy called Ryan, and other such lies. One day after she arrived at our school, everyone worked out she was bullshitting us, so people all kinda stopped liking her. I still liked her, cos she was a nice person despite the lying, but I was her only friend.


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29 Jan 2009, 8:43 am

I am so truthful that on the occasions I do lie, people don't question it. I also am a bit of a storyteller. I love making up stories to talk about, although often these stories are me misquoting people when I hear something interesting that I thought was them being truthful. Example of one story I have used in the past because someone told me and I didn't realize it wasn't true: Did you know that in one country canabalism is legal if it is required for the survival of one of the people involved, the country is some country in Europe... I can't believe I actually believed that, and then told so many people because I thought it was interesting.



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29 Jan 2009, 8:51 am

Padium wrote:
I am so truthful that on the occasions I do lie, people don't question it. I also am a bit of a storyteller. I love making up stories to talk about, although often these stories are me misquoting people when I hear something interesting that I thought was them being truthful. Example of one story I have used in the past because someone told me and I didn't realize it wasn't true: Did you know that in one country canabalism is legal if it is required for the survival of one of the people involved, the country is some country in Europe... I can't believe I actually believed that, and then told so many people because I thought it was interesting.


LOL, sounds like Europe-bashing to me.

Once I saw on TV that playing hockey makes your legs fat, so I repeated it at school, so now half the girls are scared of hockey, LOL. I don't think it's true, though I believed it at the time, but I hate hockey anyway so I don't have to find out! :lol:


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29 Jan 2009, 9:31 am

gina-ghettoprincess wrote:
Once I saw on TV that playing hockey makes your legs fat, so I repeated it at school, so now half the girls are scared of hockey, LOL. I don't think
it's true, though I believed it at the time, but I hate hockey anyway so I don't have to find out! :lol:


It doesn't make your legs fat, but it does make them muscular.



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29 Jan 2009, 9:43 am

I dislike lying. I hate being lied to; especially white lies when people think it will spare me feelings, or else when they are lying to me just to frell with my head

I’m not perfect though as I do lie myself.

Mom: (on phone) “Is the laundry done?”
Me: “Yes”
*hangs up and starts laundry.*

I always hate to do it though.


When telling white lies myself I haven’t learned to be as honest as I want to be, but I don’t put on a front either. All I can muster is a grin like grimace and a halfway enthusatsic “...It's ok.”



And the BS about having to be brutally honest.

….It’s called tact. You can tell the truth and not be an ass.


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29 Jan 2009, 10:12 am

In elementary school, I told a couple lies which must have been totally unbelievable. Since then, I've learned that I just don't have the talent.

I have actually made NT acquaintances mad (leading to huge arguments), because of my refusal to tell even small (but convenient - for them) lies.

Some NTs seem to have an complex rationalization process that allows them to justify lying. They always give me a FUD (Fear, Uncertainty & Doubt) argument - the "worst-case scenario" for what might happen if the truth comes out. But it seems to me that the consequences for getting caught in a lie are always worse than the consequences for telling the truth.


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29 Jan 2009, 12:13 pm

RoisinDubh wrote:
does anyone here have this lying problem? And if so, how to handle it?

I have a problem with it.

Now ordinarily, I am quite honest. Too-honest. I have caused plenty of misunderstandings and bad feelings when I say something that is true, but potentially hurtful. I have a limited capacity for tact and taking others' perspectives into account before I speak.

But I have a tendency to lie to avoid scrutiny, dodge failure, or otherwise deflect negative perceptions or consequences. I will fabricate lies and excuses, often very poorly. The other person sees right through the lie, and is justifiably outraged. I have ruined a number of relationships this way.

How to handle it?
I'm still trying to handle it.

Because I am usually anxious, I am prone to automatic, unthinking behaviors. This is a problem when, for instance, I make a mistake and then immediately lie or make an excuse to try and cover it up. I have to be extra-vigilant to catch myself before I go down this path.
For the longest time, I wasn't even aware that I did this, or that Asperger's had anything to do with it. But my recent discovery of AS is explaining a lot of things I do, including this.
Awareness is the key for me.


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29 Jan 2009, 1:21 pm

McCann_Can_Triple wrote:
When telling white lies myself I haven’t learned to be as honest as I want to be, but I don’t put on a front either. All I can muster is a grin like grimace and a halfway enthusatsic “...It's ok.”

And the BS about having to be brutally honest.

….It’s called tact. You can tell the truth and not be an ass.


That is very true. If someone's asked my opinion of something and I don't like it I'll usually keep my reply as neutral as possible, e.g. "It's not my cup of tea,", or find something that I do like (the colour or the pattern of a dress) and say that. Someone got me a book for my birthday, they'd been raving about it and got it me as they know I love reading. It "wasn't my cup of tea," but they loved it so much, even that would have hurt their feelings. So I found things to say about it that I did like (rarely are things 100% bad). In this last case it was possible for me to plan my response.

If it is something personal to the person and I know I'm going to have to tell them fairly straight what I think, I always let them know before that it might not be complimentary/pleasant/nice thing to hear, so are they sure they really want to hear it. If they say yes, then I tell them as kindly but firmly as I can.



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29 Jan 2009, 1:28 pm

mitharatowen wrote:
BellaDonna wrote:
mitharatowen wrote:
I prefer 120% honesty, but I'd settle for 100%


That makes sense :roll: :lol:


What I mean is that I prefer that someone not just answer my questions honestly or ect but actually volunteer information, what they think and how they feel. 100% honesty is just equal to not telling a lie. 120% is actually spontaneously sharing yourself and your opinions with the other person even if you haven't been asked. (I just made that up right now but that is what I meant when I wrote that.)

That is what I prefer. I don't want anything to be hidden or kept inside. This attitude doesn't fly well with NT's though.


I completely agree with this - my problem with a lot of NTs is not their inherent differences as such, but more the fact that I see so much malice in their behaviour and apparent intentions.

Volunteering information (or not as the case may be) is a prime example of this - it has recently occurred to me that the reason I feel so lost so much of the time is that the people 'close to me' refuse to fill in the gaps in my understanding, if that makes sense. It feels as though they would rather see me flounder than make themselves and their intentions clear, or help me to see my own life and feelings with some clarity.

It has occurred to me, only in the past few months while investigating my strongly suspected AS, that this is not nearly acceptable, and that I should go out and find people to be around who are uplifting, positive and supportive, not those who feed off my sadness and confusion



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29 Jan 2009, 3:43 pm

I am a very good liar, I did it for years, making up stories was a hobby for me and I was so good at it, that I would do it without ever thinking. This summer I hurt someone I cared about very much and decided to stop right then and there, I have not lied since. I don't know if its an Aspie thing or not, it was probably more of a mental illness thing. People are not all accepting or empathetic to mental illness. Our society hates and shuns them, it's a tough thing to be.

I am in an Aspie/Aspie relationship now, and I don't feel the need to lie at all. I don't need to make up things for him to like me, I don't feel the need to impress him at all, he loves me for me and I love him for him. He even knows about my past and is all accepting, which is a rare trait in anyone, so he's very special. Actually, I am blessed at how accepting most of my friends are, even the ones I have not been totally honest with in the past. People surprise me all the time.



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29 Jan 2009, 7:14 pm

I had the same behavior in the past. In my case it stemmed from familial behavior, since my mother would ask me to lie to my grandparents about certain things or simply not mention them, and my grandparents would do the same, from a very young age, so in order to minimize conflict I always attempted to craft my responses such that they wouldn't bug anyone, even if they weren't truthful. The problem was that this, at least in my experience, could lead to memory bias, specifically that I may alter my memories such that they more accurately fit whatever lie I though would facilitate the situation and minimize stress. At around 21 I realized this could be, and probably was (Although I didn't know how explicitly, since outside of one specific memory I don't know what I did or didn't overwrite, so to speak.) a detriment to my own life socially, and probably in other ways, and eventually stopped this habit.



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29 Jan 2009, 7:19 pm

When I was little, I trusted my mother entirely, in such a way that it was as if every word she ever spoke were completely truthful. But then, one day (pre-vegetarianism), she put lamb on my plate and told me it was beef until after I'd eaten it (I always refused to eat lamb). That, to me, was the equivalent of a normal child finding out the truth about Santa.


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