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gina-ghettoprincess
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29 Jan 2009, 7:19 pm

When I was little, I trusted my mother entirely, in such a way that it was as if every word she ever spoke were completely truthful. But then, one day (pre-vegetarianism), she put lamb on my plate and told me it was beef until after I'd eaten it (I always refused to eat lamb). That, to me, was the equivalent of a normal child finding out the truth about Santa.


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TheEvolutionOfLife
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30 Jan 2009, 9:17 am

We grass more than we lie, but yeah we do lie like everyone else.


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devster21
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30 Jan 2009, 3:35 pm

redears wrote:
I am a very good liar, I did it for years, making up stories was a hobby for me and I was so good at it, that I would do it without ever thinking. This summer I hurt someone I cared about very much and decided to stop right then and there, I have not lied since. I don't know if its an Aspie thing or not, it was probably more of a mental illness thing. People are not all accepting or empathetic to mental illness. Our society hates and shuns them, it's a tough thing to be.

I am in an Aspie/Aspie relationship now, and I don't feel the need to lie at all. I don't need to make up things for him to like me, I don't feel the need to impress him at all, he loves me for me and I love him for him. He even knows about my past and is all accepting, which is a rare trait in anyone, so he's very special. Actually, I am blessed at how accepting most of my friends are, even the ones I have not been totally honest with in the past. People surprise me all the time.


awww.... :heart:

I used to lie all the time. I found it as a way to avoid getting in trouble and eventually I found out that it would often times come back and hurt me in the long run.


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TheDoctor82
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04 Feb 2009, 4:14 am

I lie only to protect myself; and for no other reason.

My room-mate used to bash our friend for constantly insisting he's had sex, and he said "I mean, we ALL used to claim we did when we didn't, but..."

And my response was "I never claimed that I did; what do I have to feel ashamed about?"



NobelCynic
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04 Feb 2009, 12:45 pm

RonPerth wrote:
Always lying and being brutally honest are part of the same continuum.

I disagree. In my case, when I get burtally honest it is because I get tired of the social courtesy games that Neurotypicals are so found of. I know what is expected of me when people who couldn't care less ask me how I am feeling; I just get tired of it and frustated when I can't make them understand that I don't like that game so it is rather selfish of them to insist I play it anyway.

But that has nothing to do with the OP's question. I do not think her boyfrend being a compulsive liar has anything to do with autism, however it could be a seperate condition called Pseudologicia Fantastica and he could have both; if it is that, I can offer no advice for helping him other than that she has already agreed to accept.

If that is not enough, I can perhaps offer some sugestions for coping with it. One concept that a lot of Aspies have trouble grasping is that not all falsehoods are lies. For example: if a begger were to ask you if you had any money, what he really wants to know is if you have any money that you are willing to give him; so if you do have some money but don't want to give him any, "no" would be the truth.

I hate being lied to too. One thing that helps me cope with it is once I have determined that what I have been told is a lie, is to ask: to whom is he lying. I find that a lot of times the person is lying to himself; he is not trying to decieve me, he is trying to convince himself of what he is saying. That helps.


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Cartesian_Atheist
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04 Feb 2009, 2:42 pm

I am among those who find it painful to lie, I dont see the point and when people get all pissy about brutal honesty I find it rediculous.

Very often people say to me "you cant say that" to which I reply "evidently I can". NTs seem to have a major problem especially if that truth upsets them (this includes occassions when they seem to know the truth but dont like it).



Drew7
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02 Jun 2010, 10:19 pm

Yes,

I do have trouble telling the truth from time to time. I used to have a real problem with it in my teens and twenties. I have toned it down to 'white lie about something that is frankly stupid to not be truthful about' in my 30's. I believe this stems from the bullying in middle school and the need to acquire a sense of freedom and identity from a family that was very sheltering. Anyway, I hate it because I have a lot of personal integrity, am loyal, and very reliable. All these traits are in the same vain as honesty so what is my problem here? I do believe I am going to get counseling to get past this integrity issue.

My gf is one of those brutally honest to a fault type people and sometimes I have to remind her not to jump to conclusions so often from time to time. She has been diagnosed borderline, is dealing with a PTSD issue right now, and has one hell of a case of ADHD. So yes I deal with that tension in my relationship. I will own up to my part though and hope to get past the 'white lie stage'. I hope I find a really good line of being totally well adjusted here I really really do.

Andrew



Drew7
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02 Jun 2010, 10:29 pm

Anyway, this is my first reply to a post as I am new to the site. I am Andrew and I am 37 years old. I was diagnosed about 8 months ago. The reason I sought the diagnosis is because my mother suspects she has it and always suspected I had it. I denied it for a very long time because I didn't appreciate her 'self diagnosis' of me constantly being rammed my throat. Even if they are overbearing there is something to be said about listening to parents from to time. Another reason I sought the diagnosis is I had been divorced after only 1 year of marriage and I was fed up with the fact that all my intimate relationships had failed.

Andrew



Kiley
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03 Jun 2010, 8:19 am

RoisinDubh wrote:
...However, he does have one massive problem that I have little tolerance for....lying. Not necessarily about big things, but most often about totally inconsequential, BS things, as well as making up ridiculous stories that no one would ever believe, for no good reason. He's copped to it, and says it's a problem he has a hard time controlling. I spoke to one other (male) Aspie a few years ago, who spoke of having a similar problem, but I wrote him off as a totally different kind of nut, and actually STOPPED speaking to him because of this problem. I'm beginning to wonder, though, is this an issue with others who have Aspergers? I have no concept of it, given the fact that I'm one of those brutally honest Aspies who has a hard time keeping the truth to herself, even when she SHOULD....and did assume this was typical of us.

So what I mean to ask is, does anyone here have this lying problem, or know someone else with Aspergers who DOES? And if so, how to handle it? Cos this boy is getting on my last nerve!


There are three core traits all Aspies have, but they can affect behavior in radically different ways. Two of my children are Aspies and the third is harder to diagnose, but he's far from NT (in our family NTs are few and far between).

Eldest son was completely unable to lie. He couldn't wrap his head around the idea of making up a fake story or truth. He couldn't handle the concept of writing fiction which caused some trouble at school. He could read it but it *really* bothered him. Then, in 7th grade he sort of clicked and could lie. Unfortunately he started lieing a lot and doing it very badly. Once he started it was really hard to get him to stop, we are still working on it. He also began a lot of oppositional behavior, which is something else he couldn't have done before. While we're glad he's made some kind of developmental leap, we are very worried about what'll happen if he doesn't get a handle on it.

Some Aspies are very adept at fiction and are able to lie appropriately or skillfully. I'm not supportive of lying, but it does take a certain level of ability in imagination which is something Aspies can struggle with, that's one of they three key traits. Riggidity is another key Aspie trait and can affect lying, but it can also come out in repetitive behaviors and strict routines.

It might be hard for an adult to overcome that kind of thing. If your boyfriend has been lying for a long time he may not ever get over it. He obviously knows that people are on to him, yet he keeps doing it. If that's something you're not willing to live with you might need to move on, and wish him well. There are other Aspies in the sea.



Malachi_Rothschild
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03 Jun 2010, 9:07 am

I have a very difficult time lying. It gets me into a lot of trouble. I can't stand false humility and I tend to be more open about my feelings than I probably should be. My fiance said that she and her mom both respect my integrity for not wanting to lie on a form in order to get certain services, but it was hard for her mom to understand my objections. For some people my openness and honesty makes them feel very comfortable. They feel safe, like they can trust me and open up very quickly. Other people take advantage of it and use it as an excuse to pin things on me. Or I say something that offends them. I have a very difficult time showing deference to people merely on account of their institutional roles. I think that's related.



Swordfish210
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03 Jun 2010, 9:33 am

I use lying as a deflection. When people ask me what I did last weekend, I KNOW they don't want to hear what I really did, cause they would find it boring, so I make something up. Just thesame as with people who ask how life at uni is, they WANT to hear stories about drinking and sleeping in and stuff...

My problem about lying is that when someone tells me something presented as the truth, I really take it as the truth. This sounds kind of stupid, since I'm 19, but about 2 months ago, I had this hugh realisation about this. Someone said something presented as a fact, and then someone else reacted saying it was not true. I was left with this giant 'slap-in-the-face' feeling; people can lie even if they say it's the truth!


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