Why am I only attracted to gay guys! I'm a straight female!



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Neuro-typical
Tufted Titmouse
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09 Feb 2009, 8:16 pm

Or am I?

The few times I've become emotionally attached to non-family males, I've found out later that they're gay.

It's hugely embarrassing. Sometimes quite sad. And funny too, I'll admit.

I just don't seem to pick up on the sexual orientation "signals," get comfortable around them, start fantasizing, and then...well...

The most hurtful case was when the guy was supposed to already have a girlfriend, but she turned out to be a beard.



Hector
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09 Feb 2009, 9:10 pm

It's quite common for women to be at least initially drawn to guys who are effeminate or counter-cultural in such a way that makes them more likely than average to be gay. However, not all camp men are gay.

Otherwise, it's just bad luck. I've fancied a few girls who turned out to be gay as well, and I don't think anyone could really guess they were gay at least at first glance. I don't know how old you are but I'd say it's more than likely you will at least end up fancying guys that fancy girls unless you make some kind of twisted, obsessive self-fulfilling prophecy out of this.



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09 Feb 2009, 9:14 pm

Common interests?

Fear of commitment?

Or maybe gay men just dress and groom themselves better?

Otherwise, I agree with Hector. You may be attracted to men that are more like you than like "macho" men.


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ToadOfSteel
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09 Feb 2009, 9:45 pm

Fnord wrote:
Or maybe gay men just dress and groom themselves better?


^this...

Most straight men are, to be frank, rather nasty at times... I should know, since I am a straight man...



Tim_Tex
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09 Feb 2009, 9:46 pm

I think it's a matter of coincidence, rather than an attraction.



poopylungstuffing
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09 Feb 2009, 10:24 pm

This happened once when I was a teenager. I had a crush on my dad's co-worker...completely oblivious to the fact that he was totally effeminate and gay.

I kinda have a track record of having dated a few guys who were bi-sexual, possibly in the closet, or heterosexual and effeminate.

I am dating a guy who is "gender queer". He is a heterosexual male who feels like he is a girl inside...(this makes him kinda effeminate and he has cross dressed since he was young) It is fun! He is a great person. He is the closest I have to a female friend. I never quite knew I had the preference, but I kinda like girly-men. You sorta get the best/worst of both worlds.



Neuro-typical
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09 Feb 2009, 10:46 pm

:wink:

I like manly men in terms of physical attractivness, but definitly have trouble relating to them...mostly because they seem to want to be over-macho all the time...

I'm not so much concerned about it, as wondering how common it is in this community



poopylungstuffing
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09 Feb 2009, 11:23 pm

I don't know...it might be common...It would make sense.

For the record, my friend is physically attractive in a "Manly" way...though his figure might be a tad graceful compared to the average guy...(he looks like an elf)
Also he is definitely "on the spectrum"...

I have trouble relating to "manly men" as well, and they have a hard time relating to me, because I am not conventionally girly...more gender-neutral...I like guys who are more my equal.

Anywhoo..I know that in varying degrees, gender role/identity confusion is somewhat common in this community.



Apep
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10 Feb 2009, 1:36 am

Gender. <sigh>

In law school, people wanted to work with me after the bar because I would be the bulldog. I don't look effeminate. I dress well. I make catty comments about women and their clothing. Outside of hockey and collegiate/high school football, I'm not much into sports. I like musicals.

I'm straight.



hale_bopp
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10 Feb 2009, 1:40 am

I find i'm mostly attracted to gay guys too.


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spudnik
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10 Feb 2009, 1:50 am

Because your a Fag Hag, my sister is one too.



kalantir
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10 Feb 2009, 2:07 am

How much different is this then when straight men are attracted to lesbians?


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Bea
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10 Feb 2009, 2:20 am

Here's one theory: the gay guys don't hit on you right away, so you feel safe enough to get to know them as a friends and good people to be around. That allows an emotional attachment to bloom. Maybe if a straight guy could just concentrate on getting to know you and build a friendship first, you'd fall for him.



Tim_UK
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10 Feb 2009, 3:21 am

Bea wrote:
Here's one theory: the gay guys don't hit on you right away, so you feel safe enough to get to know them as a friends and good people to be around. That allows an emotional attachment to bloom. Maybe if a straight guy could just concentrate on getting to know you and build a friendship first, you'd fall for him.


Probably true, though it's the terror that stops me from hitting on them, or talking to them, or looking at them.... :roll:


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Neuro-typical
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10 Feb 2009, 9:52 am

Bea wrote:
Here's one theory: the gay guys don't hit on you right away, so you feel safe enough to get to know them as a friends and good people to be around. That allows an emotional attachment to bloom. Maybe if a straight guy could just concentrate on getting to know you and build a friendship first, you'd fall for him.


Sounds reasonable



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